tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42800836996325250272023-11-16T03:06:45.134-08:00Inside the Head of a Geeky LonerEnter at you're own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-80177534663530668562012-06-15T15:38:00.001-07:002012-06-15T15:38:05.871-07:00So That We're All on the Same Page......Well, I've gone and done it once again..... I've lasted over a particularly long period of time without posting on this blog..... As if that weren't the biggest understatement ever....... It's been like, two years man, seriously.... I won't lie, it's crossed my mind in the past as to whether or not I still want to keep this blog because of how little I post in it not to mention how very few people actually read it. But, it's times like these that allow me the inspiration to keep on going with it. Frankly the last thing I would ever want to do is cut myself off from any means by which to express myself. It's too therapeutic to just give up on it. I might very well just go more insane..... If it's even possible for me to go more insane that is.... ;P Besides, I wouldn't want this spify new layout I have for all y'all's eyes out there to go to waste, now would I?<br />
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And to be completely truthful, quite a bit has been on my mind lately actually. I'm basically getting to a point in my life where I feel that if I don't do something to change the nasty run of luck I've always had very soon, I may never be able to. And then I'll be in a very, very bad way, probably for the rest of my life. I might not even have much of a life left to live if that's the case...... And it's gotten me very worried about certain essentials in life such as employment, finances, my own living situation, transportation, and of course the big one, companionship and marriage. I know I'm not where I need to be in any of these areas; far from it, as a matter of fact. And I really have been trying to the best of what I feel I can do to change that. It's not like I'm intent to be sitting on the couch all day doing nothing. No - I actually do want to be productive with my life and I actually do want to be out there doing things on my own, for myself. And it's not as if I just give up if one failure comes along and never try again. No - I have been continuously looking, thinking, and trying for opportunities, and am determined to do so until I find something that works for me. But the more nothing works for me and the more I get older, the harder it is for me to not get caught up in feelings of discouragement and fear of failure, and the more I feel I need to write blog posts such as this one, heh heh. :P<br />
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But I don't intend to wine or complain like I have in some of my earlier blog posts, which I'm sure will be quite the relief for those of you who have followed this blog from the beginning. Here, I intend to do something a little more productive than I've done in the past with negative feelings that have been nagging at me. Here, I would like to focus more on a particular aspect of such things that I believe have made it much more particularly difficult on me to do these things in my life than it's ever needed to be. Frankly I've always had a hard time believing that anyone truly understands me, or that they've ever bothered to try to do so. But then again, isn't that more my fault than anyone? I certainly feel like it is. I really could be doing a better job of allowing people a much easier capability of getting to know me. It's just always been extremely hard for me, because probably the first and foremost thing to understand about me is how introverted I am, and as a result just how much I tend to prefer keeping to myself. It's very hard for me to truly open myself up and admit certain things about myself that I'd rather have not be true - but the harsh reality of it is that they are nonetheless. But with this post I hope to clear some of those things up, and I most certainly pray that not only people actually read it in the first place, but are willing to do so with an open mind and an open heart; without judgement, patronizing or condescension.<br />
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Like I stated above, the first and foremost step towards understanding me is my introversion. Most people do understand this about me, but they don't quite get the depths behind it. For others it's not so easy, and sometimes it feels too much like they expect more out of me than they understand they won't get. These misunderstandings come from the fact that I have in fact broken out of a lot of the shells I once had as an adolescent. I'm nowhere near as introverted as I was back then, and at times this sends the wrong message to people that I'm perfectly normal outgoing individual. This is especially true considering the fact that I tend to have a much easier time expressing myself and being myself through writing, and as such, when people read my blogs, my texts or my Facebook posts, once again they get that same wrong impression about me. This isn't always the case, and even when it is I'm always acting like the same self I am in real life. But also when it is, it gives off the false illusion that I have no social awkwardness about me whatsoever, and that is far from the truth. The truth is, in real life and underneath the surface of what you might judge of me in real life, I'm very much so the quiet type - not necessarily shy, though it absolutely MUST be of note that I am in fact very shy about some things in life, such as dating, romance and other such social interactions - just quiet and contemplative. This is especially difficult for me in these times because it also tends to give off the wrong impression that I don't want to hang out, date or socialize with certain people, or that I find myself bored or fed up with them. Believe me when I tell you this is FAR from the case...... I very much so enjoy the company of others, especially if they're good friends or loving family. I want to spend more time with them than I feel I get to half the time. I want to live my life, be who I am, meet new friends and keep in touch with old ones. Even though I am accustomed to being lonely - I do sometimes prefer to be alone and I have a tremendous capacity to enjoy my own company - I don't particularly like to be as much as I am most of the time. Just because I don't text you, call you, Facebook message you or in general be as proactive towards socializing with you as I could be, it doesn't mean that I don't want to be your friend, to date you, or to have anything to do with you. It's simply a joint issue of the shyness I expressed before and the sheer and simply fact that I would much rather spend time with you in real life than I would through technology. Yes, in spite of the fact that I do in fact have an easier time expressing myself through such means, I really, really would.<br />
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As an introverted person, I also really, really hate confrontation as well. Every single time I have taken the infamous four-colors test (Red, White, Blue, Yellow), I have always not only gotten White as my pre-dominant color, but also by a landslide as well. I do have undertones of Yellow (my next in line color) and Blue (next in line after that), but White is definitely very much so my main color. Meaning you do NOT get through to me by yelling at me, coming down hard on me, being condescending towards me, calling me out in public or all in all trying to get into a fight. You do not antagonize or judge me, nor do you patronize me, which is probably the worst thing you can do to me. I have no intentions of ever being a leader, being better than anyone or having power of any sort whatsoever. All I want to do is just live my life, get what I need and want to get done, and do it all in love, peace and harmony with others. I want people to be understanding and patient with me, in spite of my shortcomings, as I go about doing so. I'm a very individualistic person who doesn't like to be told what to do. I will do it on my own time and on my own terms, in the way that best works for me. I will think what I want to think and believe what I want to believe, the way I want to think or believe it. That doesn't mean I won't take your suggestions into consideration, or that I'm not willing to reach out for help in any way you have to offer it and that it's not appreciated, but please, for the love of my own sanity, let me make my own decisions. Don't assume that just because it worked for you and it makes sense from your point of view that it's the only way to do things. Because frankly, I'm not you. I have my own things I struggle with personally, and different things work with and make sense to me. I will do what I feel most comfortable with and what I feel is more along the lines of "Hey, that sounds like something I would actually really love to do!" Too many times do I feel that when I try to reach out for help in my life, or when others attempt to reach out to me, what they have for me is not what I don't want for myself, and the response ends up being "Well why do you even bother asking for help then? Why do I even bother trying to help you?" or "Why don't you just accept what you need to hear rather than only settle for what you want to hear?" And that's just simply a complete misunderstanding of how to best get through to me. Try to put yourself in my shoes for once. Think to yourself "Okay, this is what I understand about how he is and the way he works. This is his personality, this is how he thinks, and this is what he believes. What can I do, or what suggestions do I have for him, that can best help him achieve this way?"<br />
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This applies to pretty much anything in life; school, dating, relationships, hanging out, work, driving, finding a place to live, ect. I'm going to start with the one that's most pressing on my mind at this very moment. Basically I woke up this morning to X96's Radio From Hell show as I usually do, and they were having a call-in session addressing relationship issues. At one point they covered a certain subject that's actually been covered quite a bit in our culture since Spring General Conference a year ago regarding the issue of how dating and hanging out are two completely different things. And I must say, it's really quite been nagging at me all morning. What exactly is the difference between dating and hanging out? How would one define such terms? One of the saddest facts about my life is that at 25 going on 26 and still single, I haven't been on very many dates, have never kissed a girl and have never been in a serious relationship. And I'm beginning to wonder if maybe my own personal definition of dating and hanging out as opposed to the Utah Mormon culture definition of it - shoot, what almost seems to be society as a whole's definition of it. To me, the difference does and should lie in genuine feelings; the desire you have to spend as much time as is realistically possible with the other person; how much time you spend together and how often, rather than in more secular traditions such as what exactly it is you are doing and who pays for what. For me, a good date could simply comprise of taking a nice walk, sitting or having a good conversation or snuggling up on the couch and watching a good movie. And if we do want to go out and do something that requires cash, is it really such a terrible thing for each of us to pay our own way like to mature, responsible adults? One paying the other's way is a nice gesture granted, yes. Every once in a while it's nice to do so for your date, and every once in a while it's nice to have the same done so for yourself. But only if one or the other genuinely wants to, or is able to. If it's expected of them, then it loses it's special meaning, and if fades into the grey area of narcissism. It becomes something that as their date, you feel entitled to. And as the date of someone who feels entitled to it, it becomes something you HAVE to do, and all of a sudden it's become nothing more than a drain on your wallet rather than a sweet thing to do for them. Pay your own way, first and foremost. And, every once in a while, should you feel inclined to do so, go ahead and give them that nice little gesture just to remind them you love them, not as because it's a tradition you're expected to live up to just because society says you SHOULD. Because it's the quality of the date that matters, not the traditional definition of it. Call me naive for feeling this way about it, but it's how I feel nonetheless. Because frankly, I'd rather have a good experience with a date than a superficial one any day. Is that so wrong of me?<br />
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(Wow, I just realized how condescending and potentially offensive this next paragraph is going to sound..... o.O Just know that I in know way mean to offend anyone, and if I do, I apologize. My goal with this is not to start a fight or to step up on my podium and talk down to others. I'm just simply trying to convey how I see certain things is all. And I do feel particularly strong about this next subject...... )<br />
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Another unpopular belief I have about dating is in that I don't believe it's any one person's responsibility to ask the other out. Rather, I think it is solely the responsibility of the party at hand who would like to ask the other out. I feel like we have too much of an acculturated idea, especially around these parts, that if a woman asks a man out, it makes us some sort of pathetic sack of bones that needs to grow a pair. Because we're not supposed to be raised as boys anymore..... We're supposed to be raised as MEN!!!! MANLY MEN!!! WHO'S DUTY IT IS TO COME TO THE AIDE OF OUR POOR, AILING, DEFENSELESS WOMEN WHO CAN'T DO ANYTHING FOR THEMSELVES!!!! Spare me.... Sad thing is I've come to know some women to have good, strong, confident heads on their shoulders and fearlessly outgoing personalities who have this perception themselves. And it's not because they feel too shy or insecure towards it, that I can tell you. It's because they've been acculturated to feel entitled to it. And as I said above, any time you feel entitlement or obligation to do anything regarding this sort of thing, the special meaning it's supposed to have completely fades away. Now I can understand if you feel shy towards this sort of thing. Ooooooooh lordy can I understand...... I mean, did you read that earlier paragraph? I struggle with shyness towards this sort of thing as well, and there's plenty I need to work on as well with regards to personal accountability regarding asking someone you like out. But I still infer (and this is especially true for women, if only because of the culture we live in) that we shouldn't just sit around asking ourselves "When is he/she going to ask me out?" Get off your little hind parts, be a little proactive and ask THEM out! If you're shy or insecure about the issue, seek help. Yes, I know, it's still a struggle for us shy people to even talk about who we like to other people, even people we trust. Believe me, I'm as guilty as charged on that one. Point is, you're never alone on the subject. Maybe they'll come to figure it out for themselves. Maybe they wont, and you'll have to work up a little courage or use a little tact in your speach to bring the subject up naturally (my personal preference, heh heh). But as long as you surround yourself with people who understand how shy, insecure and awkward about the subject you are, you're never alone.<br />
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Now I do realize that these last couple of paragraphs come from the point of view of one who is fairly introverted, quiet and somewhat shy and socially awkward as well as one who struggles with finances and getting a job. I've already covered the former, so right now I am going to focus on the latter. As I've said before, I am trying. It's not like I want to be a couch potato in my parent's house all my life. Shoot, part of the reason why I feel the way I do about being in that particular point in my life like I mentioned above is because, due to my parent's seemingly declining health, I'm vastly approaching to where I quite literally will not be able to do it anymore. Believe me, I want myself out of their house as much as anyone else does. But I think the key element to understand about me in this aspect is that personally, I simply do not care about money. I care about money enough to support myself and eventually support a family, and I care about having enough left over on the side to spend on leisurely times but other than that it doesn't have to be a whole lot. Fact of the matter is there's so much more that's important in life that I think those seeking to make a hefty paycheck in a fast paced world tend to forget (or, if you'll forgive me for addressing more political issues, in the case of those who don't have much of an opportunity to remember because their extremely hard-working and back breaking selves don't get paid nearly enough to not have to work the ridiculous hours that are demanded of them just to support a family they hardly ever get to spend time with...... ). And if I have to survive off of tuna for a few months or solely off of Netflix or Roku on a non-flat screen TV for our entertainment, then I'm more than willing to do so just so I can be happy with my job and my presence in my family's life. They say beggars can't be choosers...... I say why not? Isn't freedom of choice the greatest opportunity we enjoy in our society? One of the greatest gifts given to us by the lord? If I don't want to work a job that I could easily get while desperate to find work, why should I? Doing so just for the money it offers doesn't sound like opportunity to me. It sounds like a desperate beggar feeding off of the scraps the upper classes throw away (here I go getting all political again, heh heh......). When I say I want a job, I don't mean I'll take any random thing you throw at me. It needs to be flexible with hours so I can have time to go to school, get good grades and have a social/leisure life at the same time. It needs to be something I decide for myself would be something I would love doing, have a level of competency with and doesn't contribute to an idea that goes against my personal values and convictions (No fast food, no Wall-Mart, and for those of you familiar with the Computer Science employment in Utah, no L3 or Hill Air Force Base. I don't think I can handle the idea of writing software for military weaponry whose soul purpose is to take the lives of others...... Or to be more simply put, I don't think I could bring myself to work for the military in any way, shape or form. Not because I don't respect the military; the courage that it takes to do what they do and the sacrifices they make for us. But because I don't like the idea of contributing to the idea of war in any way, shape or form). It needs to treat their workers well and provide them a good, patient, friendly, welcoming and understanding environment to work in. I need people to understand the anxiety that I will cover in the next paragraph, and how it effects my ability to fill out an application or a resume, my competency in and intimidation of an interview, and my worries of struggling to keep a job. I need them to treat me with love, kindness, patience and understanding if they want to help me do these things. In case you've forgotten my earlier paragraph on the issue, doing otherwise is no way to get through to me or inspire me.<br />
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So that anxiety..... More than anything else in my life it applies to getting a driver's license as well. Most people think I don't have one because I never bothered to take driver's ed in high school and that I've simply never seen a purpose or had a desire to get one. Only half of that is true. The latter half I eventually came to the decision of on my own after my horrible, almost life-scarring experiences in driver's ed. If any of you read Reminder, that prose I wrote over on the writing blog, the part that covers the driver's ed experience is pretty much right out of my own experience with it, scene by scene, word by word, depicted personal concern by depicted personal concern. And it is all the effects of that said anxiety...... I have a hard time taking tests because of it, I have a hard time with one-on-one interviews of any kind because of it, and I certainly have been having a hard time getting myself to learn how to drive because of it. The anxiety of the responsibility of everyone's life - including and especially your own - all resting on your shoulders, the safety of the vehicle you are driving and the expenses and inconveniences that come if it crashes, and all of the complex road rules and regulations, driving techniques and all that you have to be paying attention to in order to do so. That and the fact that my driving instructor, my driver's ed class instructor, and my fellow students never made any of that anxiety any easier on me. In fact, they only made it worse. They did nothing but grow impatient with me, and the more impatient with me they grew the harder they came down on me, yelling at me and beating all of my mistakes into my head. And in the particular case of the fellow students, had nothing but discouraging and condescending things to say to me about it. That anxiety manifests itself still today, in the fear that my out of school experiences with learning how to drive, taking the necessary tests and dealing with all the instructors would be exactly the same, and thus no progress would ever have the opportunity to be made towards it. By now I'm sure I have beaten the dead horse, and you should perfectly understand how to get through to me. Well..... if you want me to get my driver's license so bad, apply the same here. Just as importantly, if you want me to get my driver's license so bad, be patient and understanding of why I feel it as hard as it is to me to get one. Don't just tell me to go and get one, like it's as easy as going over to the store to pick up a loaf of bread. It may have been for you, but it's not for me. For me, it's all about getting over that anxiety I developed towards it in high school; facing my fears. It's about receiving the proper instruction of patience, understanding and encouragement that gets through to me the best. It's about not having much of a passion for driving and driving-oriented subjects in the first place - only caring that my car has four wheels, an engine and a steering wheel and handing it over to someone more educated on auto-mechanics than I to get it fixed and never having the desire to drive stick.... Ever. It's about the fact that if a location takes at most one hour to walk to, in most cases - in fact in almost all - I would much rather walk or use public transit than drive, especially if it saves gas money and it's a beautiful day to do so. It'll be a nice, handy tool to have in those situations that are so relevant in today's world where you just simply can't get by without one, especially as I go out to search for a job, and pretty soon here, once my mom (who doesn't have a driver's license at this point either) get's her glasses back I'll be taking a shot at joining her in the pursuit of getting one to see if that will help ease a lot of that anxiety. But as that tool, that will be the only purpose for me getting one and nothing more.<br />
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And finally, finding a place to live. I don't really have much to say about this subject than has already been said about others, so this paragraph probably won't end up being so long. Frankly put no, I don't want to live in my parent's house my entire life. And I'm not particularly picky about where I live either, which I think goes in correlation to what I've said about not caring about money or other worldly possessions. If it provides adequately enough for me or my future family's life, then I'm perfectly fine. I would prefer to never have to live by myself though, so finding a roommate for my single days, not just to help pay rent but to give me company as well. I've been coming to learn quite a bit lately that being lonely, without contact with other humans, is becoming more and more difficult for my sanity....... Frankly I'd feel much better about it and my leisure time within it if I were in a better situation than I am, but no...... And part of the problem is that I feel beaten over the head with nostalgia lately that has made it difficult to live too much in the past and not enough in the present...... So preferably if I could live anywhere that's not Bountiful, that would be great. Shoot, I'm almost inclined to say if I could live anywhere that's not Utah, that would be great as well, considering how fed up I seem to be getting over the Utah Mormon Culture and all (the culture mind you, <i style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: underline;">NOT</i> the gospel). But with how extreme that may seem, living anywhere that's not Bountiful will suffice for now. But, this is getting to sound quite a bit too much like a wish-list now, so yeah........ I'm just letting you all know at this point that this is how I feel about this subject is all.<br />
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So yeah, there you have it, yet another big long blog post resulting from the innermost aching thoughts I've been putting up with lately. At least this time I'd like to hope it was a productive learning experience for you all, and every bit as much a therapeutic experience for me as well.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-49198012524509998042012-02-13T19:56:00.000-08:002012-06-14T21:31:17.067-07:00Nephilum: The Uncensored Episodes - Part 18It was never a pleasant thing waking up in the morning for Dante Weathers. He found that he never needed an alarm clock, because the sound of his father angerly shouting at the top of his lungs was usually a good sign that it was time to get up. This time, however, the sign would be the most horrific yet. It would be to the sound of dead silence. And the first image to paint a picture of terror into his soul as he opened his weary eyes was the sight of his father sitting to the side of his bed, chugging down a beer and burning a glare of death through his eyes.<br />
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"Do you have any idea...... " He began to speak has he separated the glass bottle from his lips and swallowed. ".... how much of a failure you are?" He gave a sarcastic little chuckle and continued. "The fruit of my loins..... You know, I have to take that as a personal insult."</div>
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"Whatever Dad." Dante remarked as he rubbed his eyes and sat up. "I really don't have time for this today, it looks like I'm running late enough for school as is."</div>
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"Why bother?" His father replied after taking another swig of his cold one. "I don't take it you're learning anything there anyways."</div>
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With a stressful sigh, Dante paused and looked at his father sincerely. "Okay Dad, I'll bite. What's it all about today?"</div>
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His father tossed into Dante's lap the pieces of what looked to be and what once was a paycheck from work. The pieces were torn, crumpled up and looked to have been dried up from being previously soaked. Dante's hands went straight to his face in shock as he gave a devastated gasp. "Your mother found this in your laundry this morning. I told you to cash that for me, didn't I?"</div>
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"Just like our lazy, good for nothing son, isn't it?" A feminine voice remarked from outside the doorway as Dante's mother happened to pass by.</div>
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"Shut up, wench!!" His father shouted angerly. "I thought I told you to go fix my breakfast!!" His mother jolted in alarm and hurried away. He then focused his attention back to Dante. "Look right here son." He remarked, pointing to one of the torn pieces of the check. "It's worn, but it's still there. How much does it say?"</div>
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Dante calmed down a bit and let out another stressed-out sigh. "Dad, I don't have-"</div>
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"HOW MUCH!!" His father interrupted with a roar of anger, making Dante jump a mile. With a sigh, his son complied. "One-thousand, two-hundred."</div>
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"That's right" His father continued with another swig of his beverage. "One-thousand, two-hundred. That's how much money your lack of intelligence cost me. One-thousand, two-hundre-!" </div>
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"I don't have time for this!" Dante remarked as he tried to ignore his father and get up out of bed. His father, however, forcefully shoved him back into it. "Who said I gave you permission to leave!!" he shouted in the act of doing so. "Maybe.... " he continued as he began to survey the room. "Just maybe.... if I beat you over the head..... " At that point Dante threw himself out of his bed and made a dash for the door. But not before his father found his object of choice - a leg off of a broken chair his father had busted in his room the day prior. "I can get some intellect in there!!" He shouted with a swing of the chair leg, which caught Dante in the eye, knocking him to the floor. Dante rushed away back up to his feet all the way into the laundry room with his father charging after. In a rush of anxiety he slammed the door shut and locked it, and with a sigh of relief that evolved into sobbing, grabbed his bruised eye in pain and slid down with his back leaned against the wall into a fetal position where he continued to sob into folded arms around his knees. He continued this all while his father started beating on the door with the chair leg like some neanderthal. "What's the matter son!? I'm not done educating you yet!! Don't you want a quality education!! You're not getting one in school, that's for sure!!" His father continued to shout as Dante continued to sob heavily.</div>
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Later at school that day Nathaniel noticed Dante as he passed by sitting in the hallway in another fetal position against a locker with tears in his eyes. Instead of sobbing, however, he was starring off into space with a look of anger in his bruised eyes. Nathaniel took a seat right next to his friend in an attempt to console him.</div>
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"You know... " Dante started, whipping tears away from his eyes. ".....sometimes I wish I could just kill that son of a bitch!" He continued with the most sinister glare and the most ferocity in his voice he could muster before breaking out into a full sob again. Nathaniel looked at him somberly, wishing he could do more for his ailing friend. But he was never good at this whole comforting thing in the first place. Instead of saying anything, he just put his hand on Dante's shoulder, making it evident that at the very least, he was there for him.</div>
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But this gloomy mood wouldn't last very long for Nathaniel. For soon would he be off to his gym class. Now, how would one make any sense of a high school teenager looking forward to going to gym class? Nathaniel certainly did have his reservations about it no doubt. The boy's locker room is never kind to an adolescent young man after all, and it never had been particularly kind to Nathaniel through his gym-attending days. But he was above their cliches, stereotypes and cliques. While it was no secret he was ever any sort of athletic jock type of any sort, he had more of a nerdy kind of respect for sports, as much of an oxymoron as that would seem. He loved to follow and watch them, and while he was never particularly good at them or even enjoyed playing them with some of the more hardcore jock types of the class, he still found it as time to kick back, have fun and forget everything else. It was a lot better than having to take the alternative body-conditioning class with all of those neanderthals, after all. This was something Nathaniel learned in time to keep to himself, however. There was never any way their closed minds would possibly understand how beyond their way of doing things he was.</div>
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This had nothing to do with the joy he felt in his heart at the moment though. The reason why he was looking forward to it so much was because Mary Ogilvy was in his class. Sure, they were pretty shy around each other, and as such had a difficult time getting to know one another on the level of depth Nathaniel would have preferred. Nathaniel of course felt the way he did about her, but at the same time Mary was just simply that shy a person all around. She carried herself with all the confidence she could muster, but in spite of that fact she always made it evident in one form or another that she had some pretty serious personal issues, especially in the form of self-confidence. Nonetheless, the two had enough alone time in this one class, away from everyone else that associated themselves with either of them, that they actually had been able to build a fairly solid and mutually understanding friendship.</div>
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As he made his way through the gym doors, Nathaniel and Mary immediately laid eyes upon each other and greeted each other with a friendly smile. Nathaniel made his way over to hang with her a bit before class started, as he usually did.</div>
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"Hey Nathaniel! Come here, I have to show you this poem some guy wrote about me in my Creative Writing class." Marry started off casually.</div>
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"Ah, Creative Writing." Nathaniel remarked, trying to hide the fact that he was a bit put off by the idea of the poem. "I've really been wanting to take that class, but I needed to take up other credits instead."</div>
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"Yeah." Mary replied, putting him off. "Look at some of these lines though - 'she shines like the grace of heaven sent to bring rapture to my wretched soul'; 'why must I be confined to the bondage of sitting and starring as I watch her look away, refusing to acknowledge my existence..... '; 'I wish I could just hold her and embrace her lips with mine forever...... '"</div>
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"Well he sure is a poet, I'll give him that." Nathaniel replied lightheartedly, though inside wishing he could say those same things to Mary himself.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"He's a creeper is what he is!" Mary responded with disdain. "I swear everytime I see him he's eyes are glued to me with this..... this look....."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"So you just randomly decided to steal his homework one day?" Nathaniel teased, hiding away his discouragement at the statement. As if it wasn't hard enough to tell her how he felt.......</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"No," Marry replied with a shy little chuckle. "we're supposed to exchange assignments, take them home and give criticism. He certainly wasted no time making sure I got his...... "</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Out of curiosity, Nathaniel reached over to take a look at who it was who wrote the assignment. He clenched himself through his teeth, seething in disdain when he discovered that the name in the upper-left hand corner was that of Dante Weathers. Nathaniel managed to keep it to himself however, and proceeded with a fake, yet fairly believable tone.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Ah, Dantie! Yeah, he's actually a really good friend of mine." He replied.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Yeah, I've seen you two hanging out before." Marry continued with a sort of acknowlegingly shy yet distinguishable disdain.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Nathaniel looked away with a discouraged shyness, then looked back at Mary, proceeding uncomfortably. "You know...... he doesn't look like it, but.... he's really not a bad guy."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Marry scoffed and looked away, and there was a momentary uncomfortable silence between the two before Mary continued. "Paul's right about you, isn't he? Always seeing the good in people...... "</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Are you two..... " Nathaniel reluctantly attempted to ask, but never completed. Enough was inferred however to earn a response out of Marry. "What, with that busybodying jerk? No way!" She protested.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"But, you guys are always...... " Nathaniel continued, even more reluctantly than before.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"We're more like siblings than anything else I guess." Mary continued with a more somber tone. "Sure, he has a knack for sticking his nose in places it doesn't belong, but considering how similar our family situations are...... " Mary proceeded uncomfortably with the same somberness. "I don't think I'd be alive today if it wasn't for him."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Once again silence struck the two momentarily until Nathaniel decided to randomly break it. "So you know about him being adopted then, right?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Mary was in a state of puzzlement as to why Nathaniel would say something like that before she responded with a bit of a confused chuckle. Nathaniel looked away in embarassment, wondering how he could be so stupid as to let something as crazy at that slip his mouth. He supposed he just wanted to keep conversation flowing seeing as how he actually quite enjoyed talking to her, as awkward as it was sometimes. Embarrassingly, he continued.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Well.... you know.... don't tell him I told you this, but..... As the story goes his current parents found him abandoned on their porch one day. He still to this day has no idea who the real ones are..... "</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Sounds like a scene right out of a movie or something...... " Mary continued, still puzzled but awkwardly giving in to the conversation.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"That's a true story." Nathaniel responded in honesty as he looked away, still feeling stupid about himself. Taking note of this, Mary responded with a smile. "Well, I guess I understand a little better now why he doesn't get along very well with his parents or his older brother."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
At that moment the coach walked in calling for everyone to line up in their warm-up blocks, thus breaking up the conversation. "Hey Nathaniel?" She caught his attention as the two went on their way. "I'm looking forward to our date this weekend." she continued with a smile.<br />
<br />
Nathaniel's face turned bright red in response. "Me too." he replied, shooting her a kind, gentle smile.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Later that day Mary would come home to a familiar environment, as displeasing as it always was. Her parents were yet again in the other room having another heated argument. Sometimes she wondered whether or not she would feel more uncomfortable if they were ever able to actually get along for once. The unfamiliarity of the silence might possibly drive her mad. In the living room sat her older brother who was watching television, seemingly unphased by the fighting. It seemed like that's all he ever did - sit on that couch watching television, listening to their parents argue as if it was some form of art.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"You think they'll actually get divorced this time?" He asked his sister cynically, eyes still glued to the television.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Sometimes I wish they would." Mary responded with a straight face as she made her way to her room.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Oh-ho-ho-ho, nice response!" Her brother responded teasingly. "Look who's got the appetite for destruction all of a sudden!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Mary continued on into her room, ignoring the condescending teasings of her brother until she closed the door. "Loser." She sighed with a roll of her eyes in his general direction. She tossed her stuff on the floor without care of the messiness it contributed to before proceeding to do what she always did - plug in the ear-buds full-blast to drown out the sound of the shouting, collapsed into her bed and curled up into a protective ball so as to shield herself from the penetrating vibes emitted by this distopian zoo she called a home.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-54633970314593097142011-02-23T21:39:00.000-08:002011-02-23T21:53:42.108-08:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: Lightning Crashes by Live<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">While listening to one of my favorite radio stations I've noticed that this song quite frequently comes up, which of course makes sense considering it's a classic of early 90's alt-rock/post grunge. I've always thought this was such a mystically sounding, absolutely beautiful song, but I've never really put much thought into what it's meaning is. Until just recently that is, when I finally decided to go pick up their classic 1994 album Throwing Copper. I was listening to this album on the bus coming back from school today and listened to this song a couple of times, paying more close attention to the lyrics. That combined with already having seen the music video for it led me to seeing this song's beauty a thousand fold, and has garnered me a newfound level of respect for this band as a whole. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">Frontman and primary songwriter Ed Kowalczyk's lyrics, especially in the case of this song, are right up there with some of the most well-written I've ever heard </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">as he so profoundly conveys the scene of an old woman passing away in one hospital room and a baby being born in the next, as if to transfer the passing of one life into the emergence of another</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"> in a glorious celebration of life in general. His lyrical and songwriting style remind me so much of Pearl Jam's Eddie Veder, who is also amongst my favorite songwriters.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><b>Lightning Crashes</b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">lightning crashes, a new mother cries</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">her placenta falls to the floor</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">the angel opens her eyes</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">the confusion sets in</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">before the doctor can even close the door</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">lightning crashes, an old mother dies</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">her intentions fall to the floor</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">the angel closes her eyes</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">the confusion that was hers</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">belongs now, to the baby down the hall</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">oh now feel it comin' back again</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">forces pullin' from the center of the earth again</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I can feel it.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">lightning crashes, a new mother cries</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">this moment she's been waiting for</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">the angel opens her eyes</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">pale blue colored iris,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">presents the circle</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">and puts the glory out to hide, hide</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-90615443715436134122010-12-31T12:11:00.000-08:002010-12-31T12:11:48.828-08:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: Sworn and Broken by Screaming Trees/Happy New Year!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;">Simply put, this has been quite the stale and stagnant year for me. It started out horribly and since then it hasn't particularly been a terrible year, just not particularly a great year either. The year as a whole has pretty much been this exact same way for my favorite hobbies as well. Even in the sense of my traditional year's best anime lists I love to make every year where it's been a terribly slow year for me in that sense that I just don't have enough to put on said list. It's also been a really slow year for new music as as far as I've been able to tell, and for someone who has always loved movies but is still fairly new to the level of movie buff I would prefer to be at to make such a list, all I really have left is the fact that I've listened to a crapload of older music, discovering a whole slew of bands I've never listened to/never given a more serious listening to. And the search even continues as we speak. Now I can't really make a year's best list based on this, but I can post the lyrics from one of my favorite songs by one of these said bands that ever since I heard it I thought of it to be the perfect song to ponder over during the New Year season. This year especially because I feel that not only do the lyrics of this song remind me of how this past year has been for me, but at the same time what I could say my hopes are for 2011. So here's to the best of 2011 not only for me, but for all you readers out there as well! (If there are any that is, heh heh...... )</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;"><b>Sworn and Broken</b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Winter's setting in again</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">And it feels</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Like the end is near</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Senseless sense and I'm alone</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Watching' the seconds</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Passing' by</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Come January I swear this world</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Won't be the one</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">That we once lived on</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Took an oath</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">For a promise sworn and broken</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">All that's gone</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Away</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">When Monday morning you can't wake up</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Still dreaming' of</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">What could've been</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Something good has gone and left you</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">It's another tear</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">One won't deny</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Come January I swear this world</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Won't be the one</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">That we once lived on</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Took an oath</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Another promise sworn and broken</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">All that's gone</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">All that's gone before you've changed</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Well Monday morning you don't wake up</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Still dreaming' of</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">What could've been</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Something good has gone and left you</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">It's another tear</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">One more denial</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Come January I swear this world</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Won't be the one</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">That we once lived on</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Took an oath</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Another promise sworn and broken</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">All that's gone</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">All that's gone before</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">All that's gone before</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;">Has changed</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-78654743231691999952010-12-23T22:22:00.000-08:002010-12-23T22:22:07.505-08:00Seasonal LetdownJust in case you haven't noticed, it's that time of year again. You know, that same time of year where everyone's supposed to be happy and jolly, showing love and appreciation for those friends/family that you know, etcetera etcetera. In just an hour and a half from my writing these exact words it will officially be the day before Christmas, better known as Christmas Eve. And for all the reasons mentioned above, it's my personal favorite time of the year. Even though I can get pretty overly annoyed by snow at any other time during the wintertime, there's nothing I love to see more during the holidays. There's just something about it that adds to the wonder and beauty of the time, along with the lights all strung up and gorgeous, decorated trees all lit up and the beautiful music that is played all around during this time as well. The stress of school is behind us for three weeks and even though I personally believe in showing the same kind of love and appreciation for one another year round that is always talked about in full force cliche, it's the culmination of all these things that really seems to put the feeling in the air in all it's perfection.<br />
<br />
Though I've always experienced all of this and reveled in it during must holiday seasons, there have been few next to none that have made me feel it more than it did last year. Mostly because there have been few holiday seasons where I had so many people I held in my thoughts and my heart during it outside of my family as well as inside it. Whereas that fact had me feeling admittedly more selfish than I probably should have during that time in years past, last year was one of the first times I saw myself appreciating it for less of the selfish commercialism and more of what truly does make it as special as it is than ever before. And all of this was made possible by the sheer and simple fact that if it wasn't family, even if it wasn't Peter, Aaron and the others or even certain someones who know who they are, it was someone else even, most specifically the many friends that I seemed to be making and who were making me feel more belonged than I ever have at school, in the band, or even other places that would be chatting with me, having me hang out with them and just all around making me feel good about myself and about them. And on what was at the time my typical paperout routine not only every day of the year but on Christmas morning as well, I saw myself not being excited about my own Christmas morning experiences, giddy to get home and open my presents and such, but deep in thought about every last one of these people and wondering how they were spending their Christmas mornings and what excitements and joys they were feeling. These experiences continued even on through New Year's and it all really gave me more of a newfound appreciation for what this time of year should be about.<br />
<br />
Well long story short, as I'm sure we all know by now based on the many blog posts I've made on said subjects, it didn't take too long after being back in school again and life moving on as usual for life to be seeming like pretty much the exact opposite. And as a result? Here we are one holiday season later, and I couldn't feel life being emptier, lonelier, or just all around being more dull and boring than it is now. It is now currently an hour away from officially being Christmas Eve, and it honestly doesn't feel any different than any other day. Not only because of the aforementioned catastrophe, but also add onto that Peter now being married and living in Logan, so far outside of my capability to have him keep me company, Aaron and his wife being sick, and everyone else seemingly more distant from me in their thoughts then I feel they should be and instead I feel myself being more along the lines of bitter and lonely instead of having that special feeling I had last year. Ironically the more commercial feeling of the season that had me more preoccupied than it should have in years past has come back to bite me in the butt, and after last year it all just seems so empty; not nearly as exciting as it used to be. Almost everything about Christmas seems to serve as nothing more than a reminder of how wonderful things were last year and how it can't be that wonderful this year, and quite frankly, all it does is make me feel sad inside because of it and down on myself for not being able to not only have prevented things from becoming as bad as they are way back when they did, but also to find other ways to make it that special again. Just when I thought things were turning around for the better last year, this year I find myself not only back where I was before it, but not being able to appreciate it as much anymore.<br />
<br />
I suppose all I can really hope for is to survive it all, make the best of what I do have no matter how lonely ore empty it may feel, and hope for the new and upcoming year to have more promising things in store for me so that by this time next year I won't be feeling this way anymore.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-30441466884551227782010-11-24T23:23:00.000-08:002010-11-24T23:23:54.931-08:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: Everyday is Exactly the Same by Nine Inch NailsI've actually been meaning to give this band more of a deeper listen to for quite a while now. I pretty much figured I've really been on quite the rock music binge lately that now's as good a time to as any. And I must say I've really been loving what I'm hearing. I'd had a good idea as to how great Trent Reznor's stuff was based off of what few NIN songs I'd heard up 'till now plus the fact that he composed the soundtrack to The Social Network, but now I've pretty much confirmed him as one of our time's greatest musical geniuses.<br />
<br />
In any case, I had just finished downloading their 2005 album With Teeth on iTunes the other day and when I gave it a listen to and this song came on, I found myself feeling how in a lot of ways it had a strikingly similar resemblance to how I've always kind of felt about life. With Teeth as I recall was pretty much Reznor's political criticism record, one amongst many that were specifically being targeted at the Bush administration at the time. With that said, I'd probably say a good interpretation of the song's meaning is would be a description of what life is like in a capitalistic society. As such I'm actually pretty fairly certain most anyone out there could probably relate to this song every bit as much as I do.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>"Every Day Is Exactly The Same"</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I believe I can see the future</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Cause I repeat the same routine</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I think I used to have a purpose</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">But then again</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">That might have been a dream</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I think I used to have a voice</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Now I never make a sound</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I just do what I've been told</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I really don't want them to come around</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Oh, no</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">There is no love here and there is no pain</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I can feel their eyes are watching</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">In case I lose myself again</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Sometimes I think I'm happy here</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Sometimes, yet I still pretend</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I can't remember how this got started</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">But I can tell you exactly how it will end</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">There is no love here and there is no pain</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I'm writing on a little piece of paper</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I'm hoping someday you might find</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Well I'll hide it behind something</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">They won't look behind</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I'm still inside here</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">A little bit comes bleeding through</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I wish this could have been any other way</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">There is no love here and there is no pain</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Every day is exactly the same</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-67309726242204988172010-10-18T09:45:00.000-07:002010-10-18T09:45:07.132-07:00To Yield or not to Yield; That is the question.So I was surfing the internet last night and got completely bored, and as such I did what I usually do when I'm on the computer and bored: type my favorite musical artists into YouTube and see what comes up. Sometimes I even re-visit old favorites of mine if I'm especially bored, which indeed was the case. In the midst of this I came across one of my all time favorite music videos, that being the one for Pearl Jam's <i>Do the Evolution </i>(which I have linked to in this post) off of their 1998 album Yield (which, saying a lot for a band that constantly comes out with lyrical masterpieces, is probably their greatest lyrical masterpiece to date and in my opinion some of their finest work, but that's another story.....).<br />
<br />
Rather than just being animated and animated excellently, this video is one of my favorites for the majority of reasoning being that it's actually very deep and thought provoking and loaded to the brim with symbolic images. In watching this video last night I made a few really interesting observances that I never had picked up on before, as you would imagine to be the case with something like this. One such observance was a shot near the end of the video of a Yield sign getting shot at and carelessly knocked over, as if not only to ignore it's presence and potential meaning but treating it as if it was just simply getting in the way. This observance comes in light of the fact that the concept of the album is to focus around the idea of "yielding to nature," or as Eddie Vedder says of the matter: "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">Let's say that hypothetically speaking, the title does mean something...You can fight so much, and then you have to think, 'What are the real battles?' 'What's really important?' You get to a certain point, and it's really hard to remember what music is and to remember what drives you.</span>" Quite a bit of a more positive outlook on life than their earlier works, which while still some of their more excellent and well known, has a lot more general pessimistic approaches. Also says Vedder on the issue: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">"What was rage in the past has become reflection. In the past we got really angry and we cried out against many things in our songs, and I think our message reached to people pretty well this way. But where do you go after that? I think when you become an adult you have to express your energy in a different way, more calm. That doesn't mean we forget the bad side of life, because it still appears in our songs. But what it's now exciting, a real challenge, is facing it from a more positive point of view, looking for a way to solve it. In the past we said: what a shit, this stinks, that sucks, everything sucks... Now it's time to say: stop, let's look for a solution, let's be positive."</span><br />
<br />
While most of the songs on this album are more positively deep and reflective, Do the Evolution is one of the ones that very much so focuses on the bad side of life, criticizing mankind's so called "Evolution" as a species today from what we were way back when, arguing that in all actuality we are no more primitive animals than we were as cavemen. The approach from a more positive point of view/ way to solve it as Vedder suggests in the above quote I think is emphasized quite well in the shot of that Yield sign getting carelessly blown away in the music video: that sometimes we are so caught up in our ambissions and drives in life - to get ahead in life or keep up with society or whatever - that we not only seldom stop to see the beauty and passion in the bigger picture of things, but sometimes we just ignorantly and carelessly blow them by to the wayside in pursuit of our selfish ambissions.<br />
<br />
<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3C9CH3q9PLI?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3C9CH3q9PLI?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-1572646966870855482010-09-08T11:22:00.000-07:002010-09-08T11:22:53.213-07:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: High and Dry by RadioheadSo, being the big Radiohead nut that I am and all, I eventually had to go and pick up what is critically acclaimed as one of their best albums, The Bends, a few weeks ago after having been previously directed away from it. And while it's still not quite on the same innovative level as it's follow ups OK Computer (1997) and Kid A (2000) it's still one of the band's truest testaments to Thom Yorke's songwriting genius and in my opinion their second best album (Kid A I recognize musically as a masterpiece in melodic innovation, it's just a musical style not quite liking to my personal tastes). And as an album loaded to the brim with introspectiveness, it's hard naturally for me not to be able to identify with most of it's songs. Probably none more than High and Dry, which really hit home for me more than any other one of the band's songs. Not just lyrically, but there's just something about the melodics of this song as well that played a huge part making the lyrics just as powerful. Enough so that it almost feels like a disservice to post just the lyrics here instead of the actual song itself. And if I had a way of doing so I would. So considering the fact that I don't, you'll just have to settle for the lyrics here and maybe type it into YouTube or something if you want to hear the song as well.<br />
<br />
<b>High and Dry</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; font-weight: normal;">Two jumps in a week<br />
I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy?<br />
Flying on your motorcycle,<br />
Watching all the ground beneath you drop<br />
You'd kill yourself for recognition,<br />
Kill yourself to never ever stop<br />
You broke another mirror,<br />
You're turning into something you are not<br />
<br />
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry<br />
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry<br />
<br />
Drying up in conversation,<br />
You will be the one who cannot talk<br />
All your insides fall to pieces,<br />
You just sit there wishing you could still make love<br />
They're the ones who'll hate you<br />
When you think you've got the world all sussed out<br />
They're the ones who'll spit at you,<br />
You will be the one screaming out<br />
<br />
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry<br />
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry<br />
<br />
It's the best thing that you ever had,<br />
The best thing that you ever, ever had<br />
It's the best thing that you ever had,<br />
The best thing you ever had has gone away </span></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-87834025286818889362010-09-06T16:46:00.000-07:002010-09-06T16:46:23.772-07:00As the seasons change, so to does life.Well as it would seem school is back in session again. And with the start of a new semester also comes the end of the heat and the excitement of summer, ushering in the eventual cooler temperatures and busier days of the fall and winter. Only, maybe not all that much more busy than I was in the summer.....<br />
<br />
I suppose you could say life isn't really all that different now that it was then. Only difference really is that I'm in school instead of working at the D.I.. Hours are about the same, only now I've got homework and studying and everything of the sort to worry about now. But I suppose it's better than going out and wearing myself out everyday, dealing with mostly people I don't like (with the exception of a few I got along well enough with) and only getting payed $7.25 an hour for 8 hours a day of all that, heh heh. It's definitely crossed my mind getting a part time job in the evenings with Saturdays off, the latter of which of course prevented me from doing such with the D.I. during the school year (we're all required to work Saturdays). I guess it's not too much to be keeping my eyes out for opportunities, but for now just focusing on my studies, doing what I love (band) and keeping up with my hobbies will do. I may just wait until next summer to find more employment, but if anything comes along I'm not too against looking into it.<br />
<br />
It's kind of an interesting semester this time around, the likes of which I've never really had before. Aside from marching and symphonic bands the only other physically real class I have is Calculus, which by the way is definitely making MUCH more sense than it did last semester. Having a teacher that actually makes sense when she teaches the material to you and having an actual homework format this time around, along with the fact that I'm taking with me what I did learn last semester into it all really makes a huge difference. Outside of that my other two classes are online, those being Intro to Programing via Java and Network Fundamentals and Design. In a way I can't help but think things would be much more convenient in a physical classroom setting because of the better interaction you have with your professor and classmates, but I seem to be handling it just fine. It does have it's own conveniences, like how you can listen to the lectures on your own time, therefore making it all fresh in your mind when you take a quiz or test or have to do an assignment.<br />
<br />
Band of course is always something to look forward to. As far as fall semester is concerned marching band more specifically. I'm really liking the group we have this year. If we weren't wild and crazy enough the last two years this year almost seems to be two fold that. I'm having as much fun and getting along with as much people as I ever have in band and then some. Really looking forward to when we start playing games and when we go on this that we were promised this year. I can't even comprehend how much of a blast that's going to be with this group...... XD Talent wise we also seem to be as good as we ever were, only this time we're twice as big as we were last year at about 80-something people, which is probably the biggest one I've ever been in. It's been a great year so far in these first few weeks, and I'm really looking forward to how great the rest of the year will be as well. Also feeling a lot more comfortable playing 2nd trombone in symphonic band as well as apposed to playing lead last semester. I never really like to be stuck on third, but I think lead is just way too much pressure for me. Hopefully Dr. Root will be understanding of this from now on, but considering my history with him, probably not, heh heh.<br />
<br />
As far as hobbies go Anime has kind of shockingly taken a bit of a backseat for me as of late. I know there's a vast sea of anime out there for me to delve into and all, meaning if there's a bunch of crap for me to leave completely alone there's also a ton of greatness out there for me to explore more deeply as well. Thing is after my attempts this past summer to find more of that greatness I think I left disappointed enough that it's been hard for me to really get enthusiastic about it again. Chevalier, though I understand it to be extraordinarily enthralling in it's later episodes got so dull in the first 12 episodes that it was really hard for me to be inspired enough to keep following it. I'll probably pick it up again later sometime like I have with other series I've had this experience with and ended up absolutely adoring, but right now I kind of just have a "meh" attitude about it. Kemmonozume was really underwhelming for a Masaki Yuasa series, and not even for the same reasons as some of his works have been in the past. Surprisingly enough it was for the things in which I've always known him to be so incredibly talented with in the past. As was Tatami Galaxy come to think of it, but I ended up liking that one enough to be the only series over both spring and summer seasons I ended up having much of a desire to follow all the way to the end. With all of that said I have to say that this is the first summer where I didn't get so overly obsessed with a series that was so good it ended up amongst some of my top favorites in at least 4 years or so. I did end up having that experience with Mind Game actually, as it ended up as not only my favorite anime film of all time, but probably somewhere in my top favorite anime of all time. But seeing as how it's a movie and all, I only got to have it for 2 hours rather than over a stretched out period of time. Which kind of prevented me from actually being obsessed with it. On another bright side I picked up some of Osamu Tezuka's works and do plan on getting more into them soon. Time constraints as well as my recent anime limbo have kind of prevented me from reading MW very often, but I've really liked what I've read of it so far. Hopefully it's later half as well as Ode to Kirihito will end up helping to give me that step up I need. I also think I need to find the right anime series as well. Time of Eve (which for some reason I've STILL neglected to get around to watching....), my eventually getting past episode 6 of Durarara!! and eventually finishing Monster as well as the highly anticipated new Yoshitoshi ABe series Despera are all very likely candidates to doing such for me. Whatever happens with that though, let us pray that it happens soon.......<br />
<br />
In the meantime I've shown more of an increased interest in films and music. Probably far more so the later than the former, but I have been starting to keep a log of films out there I need to see. Especially now that my constantly decreasing filter for R-rated movies over the last while or so has finally seemed to have hit it's mark to where the filter no longer exists. I've just taken notice as of late that I seem to have more of a passion for watching and critiquing/analyzing films and music more than I have most anything else. But for now music has probably been my biggest passion, as I've began looking a lot deeper into a lot of well known bands I've always wanted to and have also begun my journey into looking at more obscure underground bands. Starting of course with the Seattle Grunge scene and the alternative rock of the 90s, which is a great place to start in my opinion. I've noticed that most of my favorite bands came out of that era, with maybe a few from the 60s or 70s as well. I've never really been that big a fan of most of today's artists with maybe the exception of a few. But other than that I've noticed we've been in a bit of a musical limbo in our era...... Kind of makes me wish I had my youth back then instead of now..... So yeah, anyways, as I was saying, I'm hoping to look more into the underground music scene in the future. Our good 'ol pal Hellkorn over in the forums has a ton of things in that aspect he would suggest, I'll probably start looking into a lot of what he's suggested in the past.<br />
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Also, I HAVE A LAPTOP NOW!!!! :D Sorry for the mini freak out there but I do believe I am entitled to after how long I've waited to get my hands on one of those....... I will say if nothing else, working at the D.I. especially helped me out with that. Now if I could just get my own wireless internet, or if a wireless network that I could actually successfully log into would crop up around where I live things would be much more convenient then they already are...... Nonetheless though, it's been a really exciting experience having my own computer and not having to worry about what everyone else thinks about my downloading stuff to it or what my desktop backgroud is or whatever. It's even helped me get ever so slightly back into video games via the various emulators I've downloaded for it. My current obsession is with a good 'ol Super NES classic called Earthbound. Like I said above about finding the right thing to get you interested again, so far I'd say Earthbound is probably that game. Just when I thought I've played every great classic RPG out there, this one comes along, which has apparently gotten under my radar somehow..... Nonetheless, I'm excited to keep up with this one.<br />
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So once again, there you have it. Not really too much of a change from where I was the last time I made a post like this other than maybe further proof that I am indeed a geeky loner with no life, heh heh. :P But despite being nonexistent, it is all around just good and relaxed for me right now I'd say, and I'm quite enjoying it. Which in that sense I'd say it's a far cry from where it was for me back in the spring. Sometimes it's good to have a good 'ol fassioned break from the things that used to make you worry and be stressed out about as you focus your attention to other things in life that you enjoy and make it worth living for you. I guess it's not that I don't concern myself with those things at all anymore because it's still there in the back of my mind, but it's good not to let it dominate your perspective on things like it did back then. But who knows, maybe even then we'll see where this new approach to things leads me sometime in the future.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-17137228672118987132010-07-19T22:19:00.000-07:002010-07-19T22:22:19.246-07:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: Everything Changes by Staind<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Once again I was listening to my iPod when this song came on and the lyrics hit me pretty deep, and once again I reiterate how amazed I am at how well I feel I can relate to a lot of Staind's songs. Really the major reason why they're in my top 10 favorite bands.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">If you just walked away</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">What could I really say?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">would it matter anyway?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">would it change how you feel?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">I am the mess you chose</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">the closet you can not close</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">The devil in you I suppose</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">'cuz the wounds never heal</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">But everything changes</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">if I could turn back the years</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">If you could learn to forgive me</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">then I could learn to feel</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Sometimes the things I say</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">In moments of disarray</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Succumbing to the games we play</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">To make sure that it's real</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">When it's just me and you</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Who knows what we could do</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">If we can just make it through</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">through this part of the day</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Then we could</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Stay here together</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">And we could</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Conquer the world</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">If we could</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Say that forever</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">It's more than just a word</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">If you just walked away</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">What could I really say?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">It wouldn't matter anyway.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">It wouldn't change how you feel</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-66081858450493500472010-06-19T10:51:00.000-07:002010-06-19T10:52:42.181-07:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: Jeremy by Pearl Jam.So I've been on a bit of a binge of listening to my favorite band a lot lately for some odd reason. I'm thinking it might have to to with me running into a whole bunch of videos a little while ago from their live show they did at the E Center out here in Salt Lake back in September a and really, really wishing I could've gone (Next time they come through Utah for sure!). And since then I've been wondering about which Pearl Jam album is the greatest of all time. It's kind of hard to say though, PJ is more of a song band than they are an album band. In which sense they have some of the greatest songwriting and lyrical writing capabilities I've ever heard. A lot of people though would probably tell you that their old classic debut album that made them so huge and legendary in the first place, Ten, is their finest work. It certainly is their most popular and successful one, that's for sure. I myself have maybe wondered if it is, given the fact that classics like the heavily rocking Even Flow, the mellow yet high energy leveled Alive, the passionately emotional and dark and somber Black, and the powerfully shocking tribute Jeremy are on there, all of which do indeed rank amongst some of their finest work. But what does the album have outside of that? From what I've been able to tell, it's mostly just a heavy rock out fest. Which is cool and all, especially since Pearl Jam does it as well as anybody, but outside of Black and Jeremy, it doesn't really have the powerfully inspiring or contemplatively stimulating touch that makes them such an amazing band. Despite that fact though, the album does indeed have those two songs, both of which are probably two of the greatest songs they've ever written, and most definitely two of my all time favorite songs from them.<br />
<br />
Of course you've all heard me go on and on about Black, heck, I've even posted the lyrics for it on here before if you remember. But today I listened to Jeremy I think for the first time in a good long while, and I must say it really reminded me of not only why it's such an incredible song, but why Pearl Jam is my favorite band. For those who don't know it's basically a tribute to a Middle School student who headlined newspapers back in '91 when he walked up in front of his English class and shot himself, and it features, along with Black, some of the finest lyrical writing PJ has ever put out. Not to mention the song itself is as full of compelling energy and passion as any one of their songs can be.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>Jeremy</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">At home</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Drawing pictures</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Of mountain tops</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">With him on top</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Lemon yellow sun</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Arms raised in a V</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Dead lay in pools of maroon below</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Daddy didn't give attention</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">To the fact that mommy didn't care</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">King Jeremy the wicked</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Ruled his world</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Jeremy spoke in class today</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Jeremy spoke in class today</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Clearly I remember</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Pickin' on the boy</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Seemed a harmless little ****</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">But we unleashed a lion</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Gnashed his teeth</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">And bit the recess lady's breast</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">How could I forget</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">He hit me with a surprise left</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">My jaw left hurting</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Dropped wide open</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Just like the day</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Like the day I heard</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Daddy didn't give affection</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">King Jeremy the wicked</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Ruled his world</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Jeremy spoke in class today</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Jeremy spoke in class today</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Try to forget this...</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Try to erase this...</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">From the blackboard.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-514900738528071922010-06-16T23:12:00.000-07:002010-06-16T23:12:42.618-07:00The Choice Has Been Made: BroEl's Summer Season 2010 Anime LineupSeems almost like yesterday I was making my picks for what I would be watching for the spring season, doesn't it? Well it wasn't yesterday, no, but it was only about two months ago or so that I did. Time sure does fly by when you're watching a season of good anime. Even the 11-13 episode series from last season have yet to finish their run yet, but with them coming close to doing so and the new season approaching us, it is now time to take a look at what I will be watching. Though I probably won't be following all of them to the end given time restrictions (maybe a couple and that's it) I figure I ought to at least give all five of these series a shot.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><a href="http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=11271" style="color: #d5ffff;" target="_blank">Highschool of the Dead</a></b></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img height="400" src="http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/6451/hotdj.jpg" width="277" /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Although I've never been a particularly huge fan of Death Note, the names of Madhouse Studios and Tetsuo Araki still give meaning enough for me to want to give this series a shot. Because those same names are associated with my #2 anime released in Japan from 2008, that of course being Kurozuka. Death Note I still thought was a pretty excellent series despite not really liking it all that much, and Kurozuka was just a downright flashy cool series in it's own right. That said expectations are pretty much right up in that same capacity for this series as well. Definitely looking forward to what it brings to the table.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><a href="http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=11390" style="color: #d5ffff;" target="_blank">Occult Academy</a></b></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img height="400" src="http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/8531/occultacademy.jpg" width="310" /></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">From the looks of things, the premise of this series looks to have something to do with both the supernatural and time travel at the same time, amongst various other interesting phenomina. Which I must say, definitely intrigues me quite a bit. Based off of the premise alone it seems like it's at least worth a shot, but we'll see. If it's anything like Ghost Hunt (it actually kind of reminds me of that series more than anything else) it may end up being one I'll have to have patience with before it really starts to keep my interest.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><a href="http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=113021" style="color: #d5ffff;" target="_blank">Shiki</a></b></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img height="287" src="http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/8241/shikik.png" width="400" /></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I must say, the animation for this series really caught my eye at first glance. It's from the same person who brought us Twelve Kingdoms (which I have yet to see or even really know anything about) and, oddly enough that I mention it again, Ghost Hunt, although unlike the latter, this one looks like it could be a real creepfest right from the start. It definitely has a very eerie feel to it, which has me very intrigued. Plus that and the plot summary on ANN makes it sound like this one could end up being a really engaging thriller. Definitely going to keep an eye on this one, that's for sure.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><a href="http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=11174" style="color: #d5ffff;" target="_blank">Nurarihyon no Mago</a></b></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img height="400" src="http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/8140/nurarhiyon.png" width="367" /></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This one seems to be the least intriguing of all of the series I've decided to give a shot this season, and probably the most likely to be the very first series I decide not to follow to the end. Despite that fact though it still at least seems decent enough to give a shot to anyways. It does sound like a kind of series I might like after all.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><a href="http://myanimelist.net/anime/8474/Osaka_Hamlet" style="color: #d5ffff;" target="_blank">Osaka Hamlet</a></b></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img height="262" src="http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/2736/osakahamlet.png" width="400" /></span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">I think I've come to find that Seinen has definitely become one of my top favorite genres of anime, and from the looks of things this series falls right under that category. Meaning I'll definitely be giving it a shot. Doesn't really look like there's much information on what this series is about; no trailer or plot summary or anything, but the art style and, well, pretty much the entirety of the image above really makes it look like it could end up being quite the unique and intriguing experience of the new season. If it turns out the way it looks it's probably going to be the only series on this list I'll be following all the way to the end for sure.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">And that folks would be my lineup for the season. As always be sure to look forward to both mine and JayGee's first impression posts over on ArizUtaku about these series and more come next month.</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-43104597210579411172010-06-04T23:52:00.000-07:002010-06-04T23:52:43.062-07:00On This Day.....Today has been a bit of a nostalgic day for me. My younger brother graduated from high school today, which him being the youngest in our family and how old that makes me feel is a completely different subject matter all to itself. Where the feelings of nostalgia lie is not so much in the fact that he graduated today as much as it is the very interesting coincidence that it just so happened to fall on Friday, June 4th. That is the exact same day 6 years ago that I myself graduated from high school. <br />
<br />
That was a day that will be long remembered. A day that I believe will forever be etched into my memory as if it only happened yesterday. And not just because it was my graduation day. No, that would be incredibly cheesy if it was just that, although I do believe one will probably still find the cheese factor pretty high nonetheless, heh heh. ^_^' The reason why I will probably forever have memorized the exact happenings of that day are because at the same time as being a wonderful, joyous day, it was also perhaps one of the worst days of my life as well. It was the day that introduced two people experiencing true feelings of love for someone for the first time into the dark and hopeless world of that love being taken away from them. For one of those two people however, it only really took them about 6 or 7 months to recover when he met the woman of his life whom he is now preparing to become espoused to in just a few months. For that same other person however, that day put him in a dark abysmal hole that took him two years to climb out of and, though that past is well behind him, even still to this day struggles with the effects that experience had on him.<br />
<br />
If you haven't noticed yet, I speak of my best friend and myself respectively. Now the happenings of that day and the contents of both of our situations are a bit complex for me to go into very deeply, but what I will never forget are the exact feelings of that day. At times I felt the rush of excitement a graduating student always feels. But at others I either felt concern for my best friend, feelings of loneliness and inferiority, or feelings of sadness and desperation in trying to tell someone how I felt about them before I would never see them again and then inevitably the feeling of that hope I had when I finally got it off my shoulders go fluttering out the window. I was honestly at a point by the end of the day where I am probably lucky to be here before you all today, if not for the encouraging words of my best friend, who was experiencing the same things I was.<br />
<br />
Flash forward to six years latter. Both these fine young women are married now. Don't know about the one involving Peter but the one involving me even has a one and a half year old son now too boot. Of course I already mentioned how well off Peter is doing, and then of course, there's me...... Though I have long since moved on from that particular situation, and though I am much wiser and far more skilled with people than I was back then, I still can't help but think of how it might have effected me in the long run. For the most part I like to say it helped me develop into the person that I am today - a much stronger, more mature and capable person than I once thought I could ever be. And even though I still remain to be very much so the friendly, laid back and good natured person that I've always been, at the same time I can't help but think this development into a strong, mature and capable person has also made me more cynical, rebellious, bitter and angry than I thought I could ever be. Though I'm as introverted as ever, and probably always will be, I really have broken down a lot of my personal walls that I used to have, and am still in the process of breaking down even more. Gradually I have been breaking out of my shell I used to be in way back when, and I do believe the events of 6 years ago today lead me in that right direction. But recent events involving my driving people that I love and care about deeply away from me and my current confrontation with others (including my aforementioned best friend) over wanting to follow my own advice and live my life the way I feel is right for me rather than take their guiding advice is starting to make me wonder if the strong, mature and capable and at the same time cynical, rebellious, bitter and angry person I have become today is starting to drive everyone I love away from me, and that one day I will wake up cold and alone.<br />
<br />
What I believe I need to do in order to prevent that is to find the middle grounds between the positive and negative effects of breaking down those walls. I've forced too much of the negative in the former example and as a result I may never be able to salvage what I lost as a result and may have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life. With the latter however, I am trying to find that middle ground and even though I've succeeded for the most part, some of the negative has come out towards them. So far they have been as understanding and forgiving as I've always known them to be about it, but at the same time I can't help but feel I'm on thin ice as they continue to confront me about it, and I continue to wonder whether or not they'll be true friends in the end and eventually understand what it is I'm trying to do. But I do believe that if I can find this middle ground and I can find someone who can understand it and not get offended, then perhaps the day the effects of today 6 years ago will finally, truly be behind me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-3097907700981976992010-05-12T22:45:00.000-07:002010-05-12T22:58:05.883-07:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: It's Been a While by StaindI swear I'm not trying to overload you all with all these song lyrics! ^_^' Just listened to another one today, and another one by Staind no less, and even more yet another one from Staind's Break the Cycle album. It's another one that I felt I could relate to personally, which is one of the reasons they've really gotten up there as, well, not really one of my favorite bands, but one I've really come to love quite a bit. They are quite impressive with their song writing style and their musicality and sound isn't bad either, but their songs are just so personal sometimes it's hard not to be able to relate to them. This one in particular though is one I've been having on my mind a lot lately.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">And it's been a while<br />
Since I could hold my head up high<br />
And it's been a while<br />
Since I first saw you<br />
And it's been a while<br />
Since I could stand on my own two feet again<br />
And it's been a while<br />
Since I could call you<br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">And everything I can remember </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">As ****** up as it all may seem<br />
And consequences that are rendered<br />
I stretch myself beyond my means<br />
<br />
And it's been a while<br />
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted<br />
And it's been a while<br />
Since I could say I love myself as well<br />
And it's been a while<br />
Since I've gone and ****** things up just like I always do<br />
And it's been a while<br />
But all that **** seems to disappear when I'm with you<br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">And everything I can remember </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">As ****** up as it all may seem<br />
And consequences that are rendered<br />
I've gone and ****** things up again<br />
<br />
Why must I feel this way?<br />
Just make this go away<br />
Just one more peaceful day<br />
<br />
And it's been awhile<br />
Since I could look at myself straight<br />
And it's been awhile<br />
Since I said I'm sorry<br />
And it's been awhile<br />
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face<br />
And it's been awhile<br />
But I can still remember just the way you taste<br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">And everything I can remember </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">As ****** up as it all may seem to be<br />
I know it's me </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">I cannot blame this on my father<br />
He did the best he could for me<br />
<br />
And it's been a while<br />
Since I could hold my head up high<br />
And it's been a while </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: 11px;">Since I said I'm sorry </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-44503832049781209982010-05-09T22:48:00.000-07:002010-05-09T22:48:05.235-07:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: Black by Pearl JamProbably some of the most well written lyrics I've ever heard for the most part come from Pearl Jam. Combine that with the fact that they pour so much energy and raw emotion into their music and that's precisely what makes them without a doubt my all time favorite band. They have such a way with words, and such a way with being able to either powerfuly reach you on an emotional level or stimulate you intelectually. These lyrics here are from my favorite song of theirs, and one of my favorite songs of all time. Because this song embodies everything that's so great about Pearl Jam, how they can take a song with such a generic main theme and turn it into something so poetic and emotionally powerful. And because of which this song has typically tended to be one of my personal main themes during times when it feels like my still beating heart has been ripped right out of my chest. Of course this song clearly implies that the woman Eddie Veder is singing about was more specifically someone he made love to, which at those parts I just replace those lyrics with some of my own that better fits the situation, heh heh. ^_^'<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay<br />
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did (my version: as her presence once did).<br />
All five horizons revolved around her soul<br />
As the earth to the sun<br />
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn<br />
<br />
Ooh, and all I taught her was everything<br />
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore (my version: that she bore)<br />
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds<br />
Of what was everything.<br />
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...<br />
<br />
I take a walk outside<br />
I'm surrounded by some kids at play<br />
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?<br />
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head<br />
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning<br />
How quick the sun can drop away<br />
<br />
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass<br />
Of what was everything?<br />
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...<br />
<br />
All the love gone bad turned my world to black<br />
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be...<br />
<br />
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,<br />
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why<br />
Why, why can't it be, can't it be mine</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-29574398411720964892010-04-29T15:10:00.000-07:002010-04-29T15:10:04.234-07:00A summer full of magic and adventure! ......and work....So as most of you have probably noticed, I like to do one of these around pretty much any time I'm either out for school or am on my way back into school, just to kind of cap stuff that's been going on in life. Well, with finals week over with as of last Tuesday, we're well past due for that time yet again. So as such, I now present to you the mostly pathetically sad and uneventful yet strangely interesting and exciting events to come in the life of everyone's favorite geeky loner.<br />
<br />
First of all, a recap of what has happened since the last time I did this. As most of you know I was struggling with my Calculus class for a very long while there, afraid that I was going to fail it and thus effecting my financial aid in a not so pleasant way. And the stress continued well up until, well, pretty much around the same time I took the final. But since I posted my thoughts on this particular issue a few months ago, I must say I've been making up the slack quite well for the most part. I was able to work my way up from an E probably within the 30 percentiles to an E in the 50 percentiles, but an E nonetheless. So I was cutting it dangerously close, needless to say. But it was most certainly progress, that's for sure. Then after pouring over my study time endlessly for the remaining two tests of the class (the one we ended up having on the last day of class and the final) I was able to make even more progress apparently, because it was enough to pull my grade out from the 50 percentiles to what I have recently checked as my final grade in that class as a D, better even than the D- I was at the very least least shooting for in that class. Now if only I had tackled things like that from the very start, maybe I wouldn't even have to take the class again. But, no point in worrying about what could've been I suppose. Whenever we make mistakes we just have to accept the consequences and do the best with what you have otherwise. In which case I look forward to this fall when I take it again, this time with more confidence in what I already know as an advantage instead of being overwhelmed by seeing it for the first time. Other grades were pretty solid though. Typical A in Symphonic Band of course, with a B in CS 1030 and a C in Anthropology. Which both are a bit lower than I was hoping they would be, but still satisfying enough. However that fact plus the Calc grade ended up hitting my GPA pretty hard. After rolling for two strait semesters of 3.19 and 3.25, I ended up with the lowest GPA I've ever had at a 2.17. The overall cumulative GPA only dropped from 2.99 to2.87 though, so it's really not so depressing when you think of it.<br />
<br />
And now with that behind us, we look ahead to 4 fun-filled months of not having to put up with the stress of exams, homework or studying!! Unlike my stint of depression back during spring break though, I'm actually kind of looking forward to having plenty of time to do nothing this time around. Though I still look back and miss ever so dearly how things were before with regret as to how I allowed them to turn out, and though I still feel quite lonely from time to time outside of the many fond times I still do have with the good 'ol doompants gang (Peter, Aaron and co.), I think I'm well enough removed from the situation by now and used to the way things are enough that for the most part, I've learned not to let it bother me quite as much anymore. Which is a good thing, because now I can focus on other things other than how miserable my life is. Like for starters, I've finally been able to get out and begin my journey into the world of having a job. Got a bishop's referal turned into the D.I. a couple of weeks ago and back on Tuesday I had an interview to work there. Today I went in to sign some paperwork, probably would have even done some work in my assigned department (I will be working out in the dock, which is awesome because I get to see all the kinds of awesome and entertaining stuff that comes in there!! :D ) with my job training coach as well if he had been in today. But since he wasn't I'm assuming I'll be doing that tomorrow sometime after the orientation in the morning. All of which I get payed for, which is also nice. 8-) When I do start actual work up, I'll be working 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day for 5 days of the week, though I will be required to work on Saturdays. Which is pretty much why we've come to the conclusion that I won't be working when school starts up again, or at least not there anyways. By then I hope to be moving on to a part time job that will work me at the very most 6 hours a day for 4 days, which would pretty much be ideal for me. In the meantime I'll be earning minimum wage with this job, which when you do the math comes out to about $500-$600 per paycheck, of which I have no reason to complain. 8-) As for the good 'ol family paper route, I'm still working that one as well, but only until May 31st, as we are sending in our notice on Saturday. It sure will be nice to be able to sleep again after about 12 or so years of doing it, that's for sure.<br />
<br />
As for the dating situation, I think I'm just going to take it easy for a while. I won't deny the fact that I still have feelings for who I do, and I still don't think those feelings will go away very easily. But I think what's best for me to do right now is just take up any opportunity to go on whatever date I can with anybody and not really worry about finding a relationship out of any of it. Basically I think for now I'm just trying to expand my horizon of who I can meet and who out of those people I can possibly like. I don't think that means that I'm promising I won't end up in a relationship any time soon though. That mostly depends on who I do meet and how much I end up liking them. But that will be determined only after I figure out whether or not they like me first I think. I've been in way too many one-sided situations where I've been the one to like them that way to do anything else. But for now I'm just not going to worry too much about it. It may happen, it may not, either way I don't think I really care too much at the moment. All I'm really concerned with right now is putting myself out there and seeing who likes me and whether or not I like them.<br />
<br />
And of course, as always, it wouldn't be a long break from school without a crap load of anime to watch! ^_^ I imagine my anime watching will be somewhat limited this summer from what it typically is, given the fact that I'll be working and all (and working for 8 hours a day no less..... ). But I'm sure it won't be by too much. Already on tap, and already have I delved into, are two series in particular, one of which I'm actually already halfway through. That series would be the French revolution epic Le Chevalier D'eon, which full series box set I ended up getting way back at Christmastime. So far the series has indeed been quite epic, and without a doubt quite interesting, given the setting and story taking place in a time period and location not typically seen in an anime series, complete with actual historical figures as lead characters and all. According to most it starts out kind of slow, which I must say I do kind of agree with to a point. But I think I'm already getting to the point where this thing is really starting to get quite exciting. The other, which I have watched two episodes of so far, would be one of Masaaki Yuasa's first masterpieces in Kemmonozume. It's start hasn't been quite as impressive or magnificent as Kaiba's was or Tatami Galaxy's has been so far, but still very, very impressive and magnificent nonetheless. From the disappointment I hear about how the series turned out though, it is possible I might find myself experiencing the typical railroad crash we saw with Kaiba. If not, then maybe it'll just be as impressive as it is now, never getting better, which I won't complain about if it does. I may be able to put it up on a higher pedestal than Kaiba at the very least. Then there's the new spring season anime that I'll be trying to follow regularly, which I have already posted on this blog earlier and which I have already posted my first impressions of (at least the ones I was assigned anyways) over on ArizUtaku, and I'm also thinking about finishing up Planets, which I got about 12 episodes into during the winter break and never finished, and Eve no Jikan (Time of Eve), which I have regrettably only seen one episode of. I might even be looking into finding Yuasa's grandest masterpiece of them all, the highly acclaimed film Mind Game, some time this summer as well. Who knows, I might even end up finding myself FINALLY getting around to watching Haruhi and the second season of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex if there's time for anything else.<br />
<br />
And so my friends, my fellow bloggers who have been so kind as to follow me on here, there you have it; my life at this moment in a nutshell. Hope I haven't bored you to death too terribly much, heh heh.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-85703025181985032462010-04-19T22:33:00.000-07:002010-04-19T22:33:52.050-07:00Things guys wish girls knew.Just barely became a fan of this over on facebook. I must say, well over like, 90% of this is so very true......<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">1. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">2. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-he… method.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">8. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're a *********-- Goodbye.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">9. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">10. Girls are guys' weaknesses.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">11. Guys are very open about themselves.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">14. Guys love you more than you love them.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">16. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me." but if he said he doesnt want to talk about it, give him a day or 2 and he will come out</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">27. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">30. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">32. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn’t mean he represents ALL of them.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">33. They love it when girls talk about their boobs.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts lol</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probaly still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">39.Usually (not all the time) it's the guys who have all the millions of girlfriends how treat you bad, most of the "less popular" guys will treat you better.</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">40.Sometime men appreciate the burden being taken off of them. If you like someone... tell them. Otherwise nothing ever materializes from your feelings.! Most guys like it when girls ask them out</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">41.99% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you, so don't take everything we say seriously lol^^</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">42. Trust us, you are DEFINITELY not always right.If you are wrong just admit it, please.Believe it or not, but we are VERY forgiving</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">43.hey girls you look beautiful naturally whatsoever the more time you spend to makeup the less time we spend together...</div><div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 1em; text-align: left;">44.We definitely love the girls who feel worried and take care of us when we are sick</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-23299344860250436832010-04-14T21:54:00.000-07:002010-04-14T21:54:39.669-07:00I never thought a personality quiz could be this interesting.....So I was looking in The Anime Alley one day (one of the forums I post in quite frequently, for those of you who don't know) and as part of one of our topics of discussion someone brought up the results to what is apparently very widely well known as the Jung Typology Test. Pending on how well you search for it you'll either have to pay to take it or you can find places that will allow you to take it for free, but it's a very interesting formula for analyzing your persona at an impressively deep and intricate level. Here's a link to a free one, for those that are interested in taking it: <a href="http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp">http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp</a><br />
<br />
After I was finally linked to a site where you can take it for free, I came up with the INFP (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving), or "Healer" result. Here's a link to the description page for said result:<a href="http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=healer">http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=healer</a><br />
<br />
I'd say it's not too far off from being pretty fairly accurate. Though personally I'd say the <a href="http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html">INFJ</a> (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging) or "Protector" result is probably a lot more like me than the INFP one is.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-12752605781466026492010-04-12T19:49:00.000-07:002010-04-12T19:49:50.334-07:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: Epiphany by StaindTwo posted lyrics in a row, yay! Of course it'll probably be something you'll have to learn to get used to, considering how much I listen to my music and how many lyrics out there I completely adore. ;P<br />
<br />
In any case, have you ever heard a song that sometimes you swear was written about you that's just how well you feel you can identify with it? I had a song like that come up on my iPod today. Heard it plenty of times before, but just today did it hit me just how well I can relate to it. I swear I had it on loop a billion times after that as well, heh heh.<br />
<br />
<b>Epiphany</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;">Your words to me just a whisper<br />
Your face is so unclear<br />
I try to pay attention<br />
Your words just disappear<br />
<br />
'Cause it's always raining in my head<br />
Forget all the things I should have said<br />
<br />
So I speak to you in riddles<br />
'Cause my words get in my way<br />
I smoke the whole thing to my head<br />
And feel it wash away<br />
'Cause I can't take anymore of this<br />
I want to come apart<br />
Or dig myself a little hole<br />
Inside your precious heart<br />
<br />
'Cause it's always raining in my head<br />
Forget all the things I should have said<br />
<br />
I am nothing more than<br />
A little boy inside<br />
That cries out for attention<br />
Yet I always try to hide<br />
'Cause I talk to you like children<br />
Though I don't know how I feel<br />
But I know I'll do the right thing<br />
If the right thing is revealed<br />
<br />
'Cause it's always raining in my head<br />
Forget all the things I should have said</span> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-41678325651654391202010-04-06T21:01:00.000-07:002010-04-06T21:01:46.114-07:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: No Surprises by RadioheadPretty much anything from their album OK Computer, which by now I have acknowledged as qutie possibly the greatest album of all time, could make it's way onto a post such as this one. And more than likely you'll probably be seeing plenty more lyrics off that album getting on here in the future. But for today, we'll just leave it at probably my favorite song off that album (though it's incredibly hard to pick just one favorite, heh heh), and what's become quite possibly one of my all time favorite songs as well. It came up on my iPod today and reminded me not only of just how beautiful this song is, especially in contrast to the rest of the album as it applies to the overall main theme it was shooting for, but just how incredible an album it is in the first place.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b>No Surprises</b><br />
<br />
A heart that's full up like a landfill<br />
A job that slowly kills you<br />
Bruises that won't heal<br />
<br />
You look so tired and unhappy<br />
Bring down the government<br />
They don't, they don't speak for us<br />
I'll take a quiet life<br />
A handshake of carbon monoxide<br />
<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
Silent, silent<br />
<br />
This is my final fit, my final bellyache with<br />
<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
No alarms and no surprises<br />
No alarms and no surprises please<br />
<br />
Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden<br />
<br />
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)<br />
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)<br />
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-73433237555480452762010-04-01T23:13:00.000-07:002010-04-01T23:13:03.908-07:00The Choice Has Been Made: BroEl's Spring Season 2010 Anime LineupWell folks, spring is in the air! (at least if you don't live in Utah it is anyways..... ) And with that said, we're onto a brand new season of anime! This would normally be the kind of post I'd make over on ArizUtaku, but given the fact that Matt pretty much has it taken care of over there, added the fact that he does typically tend to watch more series per season than I do, I've decided this season to make a post of my own on this blog as to which series I'll be following. I'm probably going to do this on a regular basis as well, which I probably should've been doing since I started doing this blog in the first place, heh heh. ^_^' In any event, I've decided to go with a whole whopping four series, about the same as I went with last season. Usually I try to go with at least four or five or so, and that's mostly when I've got summer break coming up, where I'd actually have time to follow stuff, heh heh. I just felt like I overloaded myself far too much with the some-ought 9 or 10 or so I went with during the spring 2008 anime season, and I'd much rather try to keep it more at a minimum from now on. Especially considering this summer break I'll more than likely be in the hunt for a job to take up a good portion of that time.<br />
<br />
So without further adu, here my picks for this season:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><b><a href="http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=11266">Heroman</a></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><img src="http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/2481/heroman.png" /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;">Pretty much the only reason why I'll be following this one is because it's a Studio Bones series. And as such is automatically required for me to give a shot, given the enormous Bones fanboy I am. ;) But even with that aside, you have to be at least somewhat intrigued that none other than Mr. Stan Lee himself has his involvement in this one. Add on to all of that the fact that no matter how generic or cliche the premise may be, I actually do have quite the taste for series like these, if at it's very lowest level a form of good 'ol fashioned entertaining fun. And no matter how generic this series may end up being (or how lame it's title is... >.> ) I can say that at the very least, it won't turn out to be the complete and utter ripoff of anything like that pathetic excuse for a series Fairy Tail disappointingly ended up to be......</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><b><a href="http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=11176">House of Five Leaves</a></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><img src="http://img641.imageshack.us/img641/7340/5leaves.png" /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;">Two things in particular interest me quite a bit about this series. The thing at first glance would most definitely have to be the animation style and character designs, as you can see from the picture above. Just by the look of it alone it screams out to be a series worth watching. The other would have to be the fact that it's a good 'ol fashioned samurai tale, and I'm always up for one any day. The only thing that really seems to be discouraging about it though is that apparently the original source material is nothing special, if even that, according to some. Whatever the case, I'll see for myself whether or not it'll end up being anything worth following. So far though I must say, I'm at least impressed enough to check it out.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1707461714"><b>Rainbow - </b></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><a href="http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=9700">Nisha Rokubō no Shichinin</a></b></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><img src="http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/7489/rainbowwf.png" /></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Now this series just looks awesome. Dark, gritty seinin action series produced by Studio Madhouse, I mean what's not to like? Unfortunately ANN doesn't have a description of the series so there's not much I know about it's premise, but basically from what Matt said about it over on ArizUtaku, this could very well be one of the most promising series of the season. And of course depending on how it develops, maybe even one of the best of the year.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><a href="http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php?id=11200">Yojō-Han Shinwa Taikei</a></span></span></span></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 26px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><img src="http://img718.imageshack.us/img718/9489/yojohan.png" /></span></span></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><b><br />
</b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">All it took to get me to want to see this series were two names in particular: Masaaki Yuasa (Creator of Mind Game, Kemonozume and Kaiba) and Michiru Oshima (Musical score for Fullmetal Alchemist, Le Chevalier D'eon). And given how much of an artistic masterpiece the past works of both these two have been, no question this series has to already be in contention for best series of 2010. We'll see how it goes though of course. Sometimes some of these kinds of series end up a tad bit of a disappointment like Yuasa's Kaiba already did back in '08. Not that it was a terrible series or that it fell way short of expectations or anything, just that sometimes series like it from what they seem like at first glance can sometimes in comparison to other ingenious works by those same people not quite be on the same level, and expectations can sometimes fall a tad bit short. Nevertheless though, there's no doubt I have extremely high expectations for this series. And no doubt it will live up to them, even if they do fall a tad bit short. I say this especially given how amazing the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMOTgpvqI6Q">trailer</a> for it looks already.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">So, there you have it then! Also be sure to look forward to my "first impressions" posts on some of these series over on ArizUtaku coming soon. Or at least as soon as I can get around to watching the first episodes of them anyways, heh heh. ^_^'</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-70662109440269376002010-03-23T22:58:00.000-07:002010-03-23T22:58:18.603-07:00Lyrical Musings of the Day: Through Glass and Zzyzx Rd. by Stone SourFor some time now I've been trying to figure out what kind of new feature I could possibly put in place of the now deceased For Your Listening Pleasure feature of mine, and nothing unfortunately has ever come up..... But earlier today while I was listening to my iPod admiring the lyrical writing abilities of some of my favorite bands, I thought up an idea that maybe a good way to replace it would be to share some of these lyrics with all you readers out there. So as such, the new feature in place of the old will now be what I have decided to call "Lyrical Musings of the Day," in which I will post the lyrics to a song that either reflects my current mood/thoughts, are lyrics to a song I re-discovered I loved or are new songs I have discovered I love in the first place, or are just simply songs in which I think "man, that's a really awesomely well written song!"<div><br />
</div><div>So without further adu, today I will post the lyrics to two Stone Sour songs in particular, mostly just because they both stand out to me right now and quite frankly, I really couldn't choose just one, heh heh. ^_^'</div><div><br />
</div><div><b>Through Glass</b></div><div><b><br />
</b></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; font-weight: normal;">I'm looking at you through the glass...<br />
Don't know how much time has passed<br />
Oh, god it feels like forever<br />
But no one ever tells you that forever<br />
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head<br />
<br />
How do you feel? That is the question<br />
But I forget.. you don't expect an easy answer<br />
When something like a soul becomes<br />
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes<br />
You can't expect a bit of hope<br />
So while you're outside looking in<br />
Describing what you see<br />
Remember what you're staring at is me<br />
<br />
Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...<br />
Don't know how much time has passed<br />
All I know is that it feels like forever<br />
When no one ever tells you that forever<br />
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head<br />
<br />
How much is real? So much to question<br />
An epidemic of the mannequins<br />
Contaminating everything<br />
When thought came from the heart<br />
It never did right from the start<br />
Just listen to the noises<br />
(Null and void instead of voices)<br />
Before you tell yourself<br />
It's just a different scene<br />
Remember it's just different from what you've seen<br />
<br />
I'm looking at you through the glass...<br />
Don't know how much time has passed<br />
And all I know is that it feels like forever<br />
When no one ever tells you that forever<br />
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head<br />
<br />
And it's the starrrssss<br />
The sttarrrsss<br />
That shine for you<br />
And it's the starrrssss<br />
The sttarrrsss<br />
That lie to you.. yeah-ah<br />
<br />
I'm looking at you through the glass...<br />
Don't know how much time has passed<br />
Oh, god it feels like forever<br />
But no one ever tells you that forever<br />
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head<br />
<br />
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...<br />
Don't know how much time has passed<br />
All I know is that it feels like forever<br />
But no one ever tells you that forever<br />
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your heaaaaddd<br />
<br />
And it's the starrrssss<br />
The sttarrrsss<br />
That shine for you.. yeah-ah<br />
And it's the starrrssss<br />
The sttarrrsss<br />
That lie to you.. yeah-ah<br />
<br />
And it's the starrrssss<br />
The sttarrrsss<br />
That shine for you.. yeah-ah<br />
And it's the starrrssss<br />
The sttarrrsss<br />
That lie to you.. yeah-ah yeah<br />
<br />
Ohhhoh when the starrs<br />
Ohhh oh when the starrrrs that liieee </span></b></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; font-weight: normal;"><br />
</span></b></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Zzyzx Rd.</span></b></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></b></div><div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">I don't know how else to put this<br />
It's taken me so long to do this<br />
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight<br />
My muscles feel like a melee<br />
My body's curled in a U-shape<br />
I put on my best but I'm still afraid<br />
<br />
Propped up by lies and promises<br />
Saving my place as life forgets<br />
Maybe its time I saw the world<br />
<br />
I'm only here for a while<br />
But patience is not my style<br />
And I'm so tired that I gotta go<br />
<br />
What am I supposed to hide now?<br />
What am I suppose to do?<br />
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through<br />
<br />
Tell me I should stick around for you<br />
Tell me I could have it all<br />
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go<br />
<br />
I get to go home in one week<br />
But I leaving home in three weeks<br />
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry<br />
<br />
I'm following suit and directions<br />
I crawl up inside for protection<br />
I'm told what to do and I don't know why<br />
<br />
I'm over existing in limbo<br />
I'm over the myths and placebos<br />
I don't really mind if I just fade away<br />
<br />
I'm ready to live with my family<br />
I'm ready to die in obscurity<br />
'Cause I'm so tired that I gotta go<br />
<br />
Where am I supposed to hide now?<br />
What am I suppose to do?<br />
You still don't think I'm going see this through<br />
<br />
Tell me I'm a part of history<br />
Tell me I can have it all<br />
I'm still to tired to care and I gotta go</span></span></b></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-49846641157337563042010-03-21T22:56:00.000-07:002010-03-21T22:56:37.743-07:00Concerning My Last Post: Spring Break is Not That Bad.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">As many of you already know based off of my last blog post, I really was not anticipating my spring break this past week to be particularly exciting. I mean it never really is, but considering how much life has sucked over the past few months or so I especially thought it to be so this year. I mean sure, there's plenty of anime and movies to watch out there, plenty of manga/books to read, plenty of video games to play, ect. Heaven knows I have a gargantuan backlog of such things I just need the time to get through sometime. But what I've come to find is that when you're going through tough times like this, it's never a good idea to keep yourself all cooped up inside your house all alone like that. It's always best to try to get out of the house and actually be with people; being able to laugh with them, being able to have fun with them, and most of all, being able to talk with them about things and allowing them to make you feel better.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">But who do you go to when one of the main sources of the problem is when it feels like you've lost a massive percentage of people who were once ones who would do that for you? I guess that's where good friends and family you still do have come in, and I also guess that that's where you are shown the people who really are your true friends and the ones who really do love and care about you. That's where I'm glad I have both a wonderful blood related family as well as my non-blood related family of people like Peter and Aaron and their respective spouses/soon to be spouses. Probably about 90% of my spring break was spent with them, with about 5% of it with blood relations and the other 5% with what little time was actually given to me to enjoy all that time to sleep and use the computer I had been given, heh heh. And the best part about it is with Peter's fiancée down in California the whole week and him feeling miserable and lonely with everyone else seeming to be out of town that week as well, he pretty much needed me every bit as much as I needed him. Which makes it all the more fulfilling. I can't help but think the lord had a hand in that one, preventing me from going to the NCAA Tournament with the pep band so I could help take that charge. And with as much as he's been there for me throughout my life, I was more than happy to have that opportunity.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">Basically the break started off (I consider Saturday to be apart of it) about like how I was expecting it to be: dull and boring, ready to kill over because of all the staleness and stagnatism, wondering how the crap I could possibly keep on doing this for a whole week. I kept myself busy that night with Gangs of New York, which had just barley debuted on AMC, and a delicious Carls Jr. dinner. Sunday night I ended up watching Pulp Fiction twice (which was on this afternoon as well it would seem), which to my amazement seemed to be on all weekend. Which probably would have made me happy anyways, seeing as how that's actually become one of my all time favorite movies. But things didn't really get going until Monday night. That had also been a regular spring break day as usual, all the way up until a massive birthday bash we traditionally have for all the March birthdays in our family, which strangely enough are all within at least a few days of each other, heh heh. It came complete even with a good 'ol fashioned game of Quelfs, which I haven't played in a good long while. Absolutely a riot, that game is! XD</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">Tuesday night is what my cousin Megan and her fiancee Walter have been working on regularly making our anime and game night with us plus a few of their friends as well, which is always fun. Coming back from Salt Lake to their home in Ogden, they nabbed me here in Bountiful on the way sometime in the early afternoon, so of course I spent pretty much the whole day with them. They bought me a Mountain Dew slurpee on the way up (they know me so well ^_^) and we went exploring at good 'ol Cosco up there in Ogden. I showed them a few episodes of Texhnolyze like I had promised I would do after I was shocked to find a copy of it at the Ogden Hastings (best store EVER!) while hanging out with them there a few weeks earlier, and needless to say they were quite weirded out by it, heh heh. :P Then after that we started gaming, of course.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Wednesday was where things REALLY started to get crazy. Pretty much spent the whole day with Peter, Aaron and Sam exploring the Gateway, as well as free Planetarium and free children's museum after we had been disappointed we couldn't go to the zoo that day for free. I gott a nice pair of shades to replace my old crappy ones while we were at it too. Then we went over to Aaron's parents' house for some cake and ice cream (it was his dad's birthday apparently) and rented a whole bunch of movies. We ended up watching Monsters vs. Aliens that night, which actually ended up being a lot funnier then I was expecting it to be. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Thursday was actually kind of a disappointing day, seeing as how I ended up not having enough money to take up Linda's big laser tagging invite after Wednesday's craziness, and Alex, and old high school friend of mine, had plans to invite me to go play G.U.R.P.S. with his gaming buddies that fell under. Which I think might have been an attempt to get that hang out session with that girl who wanted to hang out with me despite already being taken that never happened.... But Peter and I pretty much spent the whole day (amazingly.... o_O) up at his house playing Magic, which we actually pretty much played for hours on end pretty much every day I hung out with him this week, heh heh. ^_^' Which was good actually, because neither of us had really done any Magic playing since before Gregg left for the army, so we needed some good Magic playing/deck building sessions like that.Friday consisted of more Magic, but then latter that day we got Aaron and Sam up at his house and we watched more of our rented movies and ate Papa Murphy's. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Saturday we originally made plans to go up to Logan once Amy got back from her big California trip to spend the day up there with her and do some gaming with the Star Wars campaign we started up with her, but much like pretty much every day the gang got together this week, we were so preoccupied with doing other fun things we pretty much failed to do any gaming at all, heh heh. ^_^' While we were up there we payed a visit to the Gosner Cheese shop, which is the best place anywhere to get Cheese. They had lots of sample tables where we got to try out a lot of the kinds of cheese/cheese spreads they had there, and I instantly became addicted. Sooooo goooooood. I did also have enough money to buy some things of my own there, so I took home a package of smoked swiss cheese and some swiss and oninon cheese spread, which me and my whole family pretty much finished right off this afternoon, heh heh. I will see tomorrow night when we make hamburgers for dinner how the smoked swiss is. Then we ate at a Hawaiian restaurant up there, which was pretty good. Never had Hawaiian food before, so it was an interesting experience. Pretty much the rest of the afternoon leading all the way up with dinner consisted of us finding too many entertaining things on the TV up there in Amy's college housing apartment, so like I said, we never got around to doing any gaming. ;) Then we went to the Indian restaurant for dinner, which had some great food, but the belly dancing performance that ended up breaking up there (we went there for that primarily, Amy being the big belly dancing guru she is and all) ended up making me feel uncomfortable, only really because I was sitting at the end of the table so I ended up getting half naked belly dancers all up in my face....... >.> Everyone else seemed to get a kick out of it though, and part of it was their fault (Amy knows some of the people who were dancing there that night so she decided it would be funny to sick one of them on me..... >.> ) so I decided to be a good sport about it and not get angry at them. I actually really think my uncomfortably being at that place had more to do with the fact that as well as the belly dancers in my face plus the whole dancing environment that has always reminded me of why I never attended any dances or stomps in high school (they had a thing at the end of the performance where anyone who wanted could get up and go out and dance, even if poorly, along with the dancers and people, including Peter and the gang, were trying to get me to go out and dance, even though I had absolutely no desire to.... ) REALLY put me in an environment in which I did not want to be in. But other than that, it was good times.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">It is kind of funny how I came from fearing I wouldn't have enough to do to having too much to do, heh heh. In some ways I do actually kind of wish Peter and the gang had spared me more free time to myself thinking back on it, but at the same time I have no desire to complain. I ended up having good times with people who I know care about me at a time when both them and I needed it, and I guess in the end that's all that really matters. I guess in some ways I just wish there were more people out there who cared about me that much is all.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-49714786347426651812010-03-12T21:09:00.000-08:002010-03-12T21:15:47.074-08:00Staleness and Stagnantism abounds.Normally this would be the post where I go on and on about how excited I am that we get a whole week off of school all next week, with caps and exclamation points galore. But as nice as a good old fashion break from all the stresses of school always is no matter what, this time around I kind of find myself not particularly looking forward to it all that much, like I normally do.<br />
<br />
As of before just this past Wednesday I thought I was going to have plenty to be exited for to spend my spring break doing. But unfortunately fate as it would seem has decided to give me the nice ol' middle finger yet again as the Weber State men's basketball team fails us all, if but ever so slightly, but ever so slightly enough that there will be no free band trip to the NCAA tournament. Add onto that the fact that in what seems to be such a short amount of time I've come from having what seemed to be a ton of really great, wonderful friends on such a scale that it seemed like everyone and their dog wanted to do something with me over winter break to public enemy number one with probably more than half of those same people - and a tiny pinch of typical single person disappointment when a girl you talked to on the bus earlier this afternoon really, really hit it off with you, exchanged cell phone numbers with you and everything, texted you for hours on edge when you both got home, even went as far as to make plans to hang out with you over the break only to let you know that they are already taken - and you have yourself a nice old recipe for death by boredom.<br />
<br />
Oh well, at least that aforementioned girl gave me at least <i>something </i>to do over the break anyways. And who knows, maybe Peter and the gang will come up with something.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4280083699632525027.post-82660265775536422922010-02-17T23:34:00.000-08:002010-02-17T23:34:24.205-08:00BroEl's overly stressful and in some ways quite emo rant......Gal, it's been since way back in December when I made my last post here, hasn't it? Well I've had plenty to write about, that's for sure. Problem is actually ever getting around to writing any of it, which with as much has occupied both time and mind as of late, has been extremely difficult to do. Heh.... But after reading the most recent post on my friends blog about her current stresses in life, I kind of felt the need to give myself my own release of some of the things that have been overwhelming me over the last little while or so.<br />
<br />
Well I was originally going to come in back at the beginning of the semester and give my overview of how the break went and what I'm looking forward to academically, socially and personally going into the new year/semester. But those things do sort of loosely tie into this little rant of mine, so I guess in a way you could say this is pretty much it then, heh. Basically coming into this new year/semester, things were looking very, very up for me after having had fallen on some pretty dark times for a while. I had finally put a lot of my old feelings behind me that had been troubling me since back in the summer and accepted things for what they were currently, even if they weren't what I wanted. Despite that fact, I finally felt ready to move on with life and give more serious thought to exploring other possibilities with other feelings I felt like I could've possibly had.<br />
<br />
That's where the confusion begins though. Also coming into the year/semester, one of those possibilities was to not have feelings for anyone in particular at all, as inspired to me by my good friend Bryson. It was something I was seriously considering giving a try, but the problem was going into the year/semester I still felt like there was a possibility that I could've already had some feelings for a couple of certain specific very wonderful and amazing young ladies that was now ready to come fourth since I had finally put those old feelings behind me. So the conflictions stood as thusly: which one of those magnificent young ladies do I want to be with the most, or do I even want to have feelings for anyone right now? As it would seem, none of my old conflictions from the past year/semester had gone away, all but just that one particular feeling that I had finally put behind me, but that was it. It felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders, but the confusion had just only begun.....<br />
<br />
And as a result, I took far too long to act. I guess I can't put too much blame on Teagan for setting her brothers up with them, she did what she thought was best for the people she cares about most in life, both her brothers and her non-blood related sisters. She saw the opportunity and she took it, and she was only able to take it because I let it happen. And I really should be happy because she's happy, because her brothers (two very good, very close friends of mine by the way) are happy, and most of all, because those incredibly fine young women are happy. But what about me? I must say it's been one heck of an incredibly bittersweet period of time for me lately. Everyone just seems so happy, and I'm happy that they're happy, but I'm miserable because of it, and that right there is not so happy..... I can't help but sometimes be angry at Teagan and her brothers, and even in some cases the other girls as well for it all. But that's just being overly emotional I guess. I do feel really terrible about it, and I wish things didn't have to be this way so that I couldn't feel this way, and that in turn they couldn't feel that way about me. I guess you can't really blame me for getting that way though, but the reality of it all is that it isn't any of their faults, and they don't deserve to have this anger directed towards them. If anyone deserves to have anyone's brunt of negative feelings thrown at him, it should be me. And without a doubt, if there's anyone in the world who has had by and far the most anger tossed upon them by me, it is most assuredly myself and myself alone.<br />
<br />
Which also brings me to my next point: just how much longer is this going to keep happening to me? Why does it seem like every single time I've had reason to believe, it always ends this way? I've probably been told more than any other guy in life that "you're a really nice guy Nate, you're really great, but you're just not the right one for me" or "I really like you a lot, I just don't feel ready to get in a serious relationship with anyone right now." And the worst of that latter is that both times I've been told that, interest has been shown by those particular girls in other guys really not too much longer after them having said that. Which begs the question, am I really just that pathetic? Is every guy out there better for every girl out there than I am? What is it exactly that women just don't seem to like about me? Or am I just the most unlucky, most missfortunate guy in existence and the good lord just doesn't want me to be to be with anyone? Or better yet, why do I fail so epically at life? Why did god make me so stupid and why can't I ever do anything right? I mean you don't just meet people as marvelous as Teagan, Julie and Marie every day. I honestly don't think I ever will meet anyone quite like any of them ever again. Most certainly not anyone as perfect for me as Marie is, that's for sure. I don't know why it is, but for some reason I feel more capable, more extroverted and just all around more compatible with her than I do anyone else I've ever met. I don't think I've ever hit it off with anyone quite like I have with Marie. And I'm not entirely sure that I ever will. And if this is my best and my best apparently isn't good enough, that there's still a guy out there who's better than I am nonetheless, then really, how pathetic am I that I still epically fail nonetheless?<br />
<br />
Of course this isn't the only issue I'm being overloaded with right now. Though quite obviously, it is the one I think about the most, that's for sure. Other issues include me taking Calc 1 from an instructor who teaches it in a way that I swear is impossible to understand I thing that's going on, not to mention he is no help at all in giving us adaquite enough assignments to actually practice the math. He has no schedule for it on the syllabus, he has no actual assigned problems, he just says "just do all the odd ones." And it's been very, very difficult for me to practice this stuff via homework as a result. And now I am failing the class pretty badly, and am not sure if I can pull at least a D- or better out of it. Which is very bad for my financial aid standing. Failing the class would be about the same for it as dropping it for a W, only it wouldn't hurt my GPA if I did the latter. And I know I have a very willing tutor to help me with this stuff (she knows who she is ;) ) as she promised earlier in the semester and I am very greatful for that. I just haven't been very willing to ask her to help me is all. Partially out of stubbornness, but also out of the fact that, to tell you the honest truth, I just kind of have this personal issue with actual friends helping me out with homework. It's nothing against anyone or anything, it's just something I kind of have a hard time feeling adaquite with it is all.<br />
<br />
Then there's the fact that, as it would seem, Dr. Root feels like he has enough confidence in my capabilities that he thinks I can handle lead trombone in symphonic band. At first that was actually one of the things I felt like was going my way and that I was looking forward to with much anticipation. And most times, I have to say, it is kinda cool and I enjoy it quite a bit. Other times I struggle enough with it and feel burdened enough by it that I wonder why on earth he put me up here instead of Linda or Matt, who are both way better than I am anyways. That solo on Rhapsody in Blue I wish sometimes he'd just pass on to one of those two instead of make me have to deal with it. It's not a hard solo, it's just that he wants it done in a very specific way, and I'm not sure if I can do it the way he wants me to. He's even trying to get me into his office so he can work with me on it, and its not something I particularly want to deal with doing. I guess at least I don't have to run sectionals, which is a plus. But other than that, I just don't know sometimes.......<br />
<br />
I guess in the end, all I can really do about any of this is let life run it's natural course, even if it doesn't go the way I want it to. Which is a very, incredibly hard thing to do when you're as concerned with and worried about it all as I am. Mostly just because I want nothing more than for it to turn out the way I want it too. And I honestly can't help but feel like a massive failure at life who can't do anything right if it doesn't. But in the end, it really, honestly is all you can do about it. It's not going to be very easy to do, and it will take a very, very long time. Stuff like this just doesn't go away overnight, especially those said particular feelings, whether they be of love for a certain particular incredible individual or of failure, regret, anger, and lack of appreciation for the self. But, whatever will be will be I guess.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2