Inside the Head of a Geeky Loner

Nephilum: The Uncensored Episodes - Part 18

2012-02-13T19:56:00.000-08:00

Just a bit of an introduction for those who are unaware, this is for the story I am currently writing on my friend's blog so that I may, in respect for her wishes, keep posting a cleaner version there while keeping a log of uncensored versions of certain episodes elsewhere. The content of my story will probably get no worse than a PG-13 kind of level, just to give a more of an idea what we're dealing with here.

It was never a pleasant thing waking up in the morning for Dante Weathers. He found that he never needed an alarm clock, because the sound of his father angerly shouting at the top of his lungs was usually a good sign that it was time to get up. This time, however, the sign would be the most horrific yet. It would be to the sound of dead silence. And the first image to paint a picture of terror into his soul as he opened his weary eyes was the sight of his father sitting to the side of his bed, chugging down a beer and burning a glare of death through his eyes.

"Do you have any idea...... " He began to speak has he separated the glass bottle from his lips and swallowed. ".... how much of a failure you are?" He gave a sarcastic little chuckle and continued. "The fruit of my loins..... You know, I have to take that as a personal insult."

"Whatever Dad." Dante remarked as he rubbed his eyes and sat up. "I really don't have time for this today, it looks like I'm running late enough for school as is."

"Why bother?" His father replied after taking another swig of his cold one. "I don't take it you're learning anything there anyways."

With a stressful sigh, Dante paused and looked at his father sincerely. "Okay Dad, I'll bite. What's it all about today?"

His father tossed into Dante's lap the pieces of what looked to be and what once was a paycheck from work. The pieces were torn, crumpled up and looked to have been dried up from being previously soaked. Dante's hands went straight to his face in shock as he gave a devastated gasp. "Your mother found this in your laundry this morning. I told you to cash that for me, didn't I?"

"Just like our lazy, good for nothing son, isn't it?" A feminine voice remarked from outside the doorway as Dante's mother happened to pass by.

"Shut up, wench!!" His father shouted angerly. "I thought I told you to go fix my breakfast!!" His mother jolted in alarm and hurried away. He then focused his attention back to Dante. "Look right here son." He remarked, pointing to one of the torn pieces of the check. "It's worn, but it's still there. How much does it say?"

Dante calmed down a bit and let out another stressed-out sigh. "Dad, I don't have-"

"HOW MUCH!!" His father interrupted with a roar of anger, making Dante jump a mile. With a sigh, his son complied. "One-thousand, two-hundred."

"That's right" His father continued with another swig of his beverage. "One-thousand, two-hundred. That's how much money your lack of intelligence cost me. One-thousand, two-hundre-!"

"I don't have time for this!" Dante remarked as he tried to ignore his father and get up out of bed. His father, however, forcefully shoved him back into it. "Who said I gave you permission to leave!!" he shouted in the act of doing so. "Maybe.... " he continued as he began to survey the room. "Just maybe.... if I beat you over the head..... " At that point Dante threw himself out of his bed and made a dash for the door. But not before his father found his object of choice - a leg off of a broken chair his father had busted in his room the day prior. "I can get some intellect in there!!" He shouted with a swing of the chair leg, which caught Dante in the eye, knocking him to the floor. Dante rushed away back up to his feet all the way into the laundry room with his father charging after. In a rush of anxiety he slammed the door shut and locked it, and with a sigh of relief that evolved into sobbing, grabbed his bruised eye in pain and slid down with his back leaned against the wall into a fetal position where he continued to sob into folded arms around his knees. He continued this all while his father started beating on the door with the chair leg like some neanderthal. "What's the matter son!? I'm not done educating you yet!! Don't you want a quality education!! You're not getting one in school, that's for sure!!" His father continued to shout as Dante continued to sob heavily.

Later at school that day Nathaniel noticed Dante as he passed by sitting in the hallway in another fetal position against a locker with tears in his eyes. Instead of sobbing, however, he was starring off into space with a look of anger in his bruised eyes. Nathaniel took a seat right next to his friend in an attempt to console him.

"You know... " Dante started, whipping tears away from his eyes. ".....sometimes I wish I could just kill that son of a bitch!" He continued with the most sinister glare and the most ferocity in his voice he could muster before breaking out into a full sob again. Nathaniel looked at him somberly, wishing he could do more for his ailing friend. But he was never good at this whole comforting thing in the first place. Instead of saying anything, he just put his hand on Dante's shoulder, making it evident that at the very least, he was there for him.

But this gloomy mood wouldn't last very long for Nathaniel. For soon would he be off to his gym class. Now, how would one make any sense of a high school teenager looking forward to going to gym class? Nathaniel certainly did have his reservations about it no doubt. The boy's locker room is never kind to an adolescent young man after all, and it never had been particularly kind to Nathaniel through his gym-attending days. But he was above their cliches, stereotypes and cliques. While it was no secret he was ever any sort of athletic jock type of any sort, he had more of a nerdy kind of respect for sports, as much of an oxymoron as that would seem. He loved to follow and watch them, and while he was never particularly good at them or even enjoyed playing them with some of the more hardcore jock types of the class, he still found it as time to kick back, have fun and forget everything else. It was a lot better than having to take the alternative body-conditioning class with all of those neanderthals, after all. This was something Nathaniel learned in time to keep to himself, however. There was never any way their closed minds would possibly understand how beyond their way of doing things he was.

This had nothing to do with the joy he felt in his heart at the moment though. The reason why he was looking forward to it so much was because Mary Ogilvy was in his class. Sure, they were pretty shy around each other, and as such had a difficult time getting to know one another on the level of depth Nathaniel would have preferred. Nathaniel of course felt the way he did about her, but at the same time Mary was just simply that shy a person all around. She carried herself with all the confidence she could muster, but in spite of that fact she always made it evident in one form or another that she had some pretty serious personal issues, especially in the form of self-confidence. Nonetheless, the two had enough alone time in this one class, away from everyone else that associated themselves with either of them, that they actually had been able to build a fairly solid and mutually understanding friendship.

As he made his way through the gym doors, Nathaniel and Mary immediately laid eyes upon each other and greeted each other with a friendly smile. Nathaniel made his way over to hang with her a bit before class started, as he usually did.

"Hey Nathaniel! Come here, I have to show you this poem some guy wrote about me in my Creative Writing class." Marry started off casually.

"Ah, Creative Writing." Nathaniel remarked, trying to hide the fact that he was a bit put off by the idea of the poem. "I've really been wanting to take that class, but I needed to take up other credits instead."

"Yeah." Mary replied, putting him off. "Look at some of these lines though - 'she shines like the grace of heaven sent to bring rapture to my wretched soul'; 'why must I be confined to the bondage of sitting and starring as I watch her look away, refusing to acknowledge my existence..... '; 'I wish I could just hold her and embrace her lips with mine forever...... '"

"Well he sure is a poet, I'll give him that." Nathaniel replied lightheartedly, though inside wishing he could say those same things to Mary himself.

"He's a creeper is what he is!" Mary responded with disdain. "I swear everytime I see him he's eyes are glued to me with this..... this look....."

"So you just randomly decided to steal his homework one day?" Nathaniel teased, hiding away his discouragement at the statement. As if it wasn't hard enough to tell her how he felt.......

"No," Marry replied with a shy little chuckle. "we're supposed to exchange assignments, take them home and give criticism. He certainly wasted no time making sure I got his...... "

Out of curiosity, Nathaniel reached over to take a look at who it was who wrote the assignment. He clenched himself through his teeth, seething in disdain when he discovered that the name in the upper-left hand corner was that of Dante Weathers. Nathaniel managed to keep it to himself however, and proceeded with a fake, yet fairly believable tone.

"Ah, Dantie! Yeah, he's actually a really good friend of mine." He replied.

"Yeah, I've seen you two hanging out before." Marry continued with a sort of acknowlegingly shy yet distinguishable disdain.

Nathaniel looked away with a discouraged shyness, then looked back at Mary, proceeding uncomfortably. "You know...... he doesn't look like it, but.... he's really not a bad guy."

Marry scoffed and looked away, and there was a momentary uncomfortable silence between the two before Mary continued. "Paul's right about you, isn't he? Always seeing the good in people...... "

"Are you two..... " Nathaniel reluctantly attempted to ask, but never completed. Enough was inferred however to earn a response out of Marry. "What, with that busybodying jerk? No way!" She protested.

"But, you guys are always...... " Nathaniel continued, even more reluctantly than before.

"We're more like siblings than anything else I guess." Mary continued with a more somber tone. "Sure, he has a knack for sticking his nose in places it doesn't belong, but considering how similar our family situations are...... " Mary proceeded uncomfortably with the same somberness. "I don't think I'd be alive today if it wasn't for him."

Once again silence struck the two momentarily until Nathaniel decided to randomly break it. "So you know about him being adopted then, right?"

Mary was in a state of puzzlement as to why Nathaniel would say something like that before she responded with a bit of a confused chuckle. Nathaniel looked away in embarassment, wondering how he could be so stupid as to let something as crazy at that slip his mouth. He supposed he just wanted to keep conversation flowing seeing as how he actually quite enjoyed talking to her, as awkward as it was sometimes. Embarrassingly, he continued.

"Well.... you know.... don't tell him I told you this, but..... As the story goes his current parents found him abandoned on their porch one day. He still to this day has no idea who the real ones are..... "

"Sounds like a scene right out of a movie or something...... " Mary continued, still puzzled but awkwardly giving in to the conversation.

"That's a true story." Nathaniel responded in honesty as he looked away, still feeling stupid about himself. Taking note of this, Mary responded with a smile. "Well, I guess I understand a little better now why he doesn't get along very well with his parents or his older brother."

At that moment the coach walked in calling for everyone to line up in their warm-up blocks, thus breaking up the conversation. "Hey Nathaniel?" She caught his attention as the two went on their way. "I'm looking forward to our date this weekend." she continued with a smile.

Nathaniel's face turned bright red in response. "Me too." he replied, shooting her a kind, gentle smile.

Later that day Mary would come home to a familiar environment, as displeasing as it always was. Her parents were yet again in the other room having another heated argument. Sometimes she wondered whether or not she would feel more uncomfortable if they were ever able to actually get along for once. The unfamiliarity of the silence might possibly drive her mad. In the living room sat her older brother who was watching television, seemingly unphased by the fighting. It seemed like that's all he ever did - sit on that couch watching television, listening to their parents argue as if it was some form of art.

"You think they'll actually get divorced this time?" He asked his sister cynically, eyes still glued to the television.

"Sometimes I wish they would." Mary responded with a straight face as she made her way to her room.

"Oh-ho-ho-ho, nice response!" Her brother responded teasingly. "Look who's got the appetite for destruction all of a sudden!"

Mary continued on into her room, ignoring the condescending teasings of her brother until she closed the door. "Loser." She sighed with a roll of her eyes in his general direction. She tossed her stuff on the floor without care of the messiness it contributed to before proceeding to do what she always did - plug in the ear-buds full-blast to drown out the sound of the shouting, collapsed into her bed and curled up into a protective ball so as to shield herself from the penetrating vibes emitted by this distopian zoo she called a home.

Lyrical Musings of the Day: Lightning Crashes by Live

2011-02-23T21:39:00.000-08:00

While listening to one of my favorite radio stations I've noticed that this song quite frequently comes up, which of course makes sense considering it's a classic of early 90's alt-rock/post grunge. I've always thought this was such a mystically sounding, absolutely beautiful song, but I've never really put much thought into what it's meaning is. Until just recently that is, when I finally decided to go pick up their classic 1994 album Throwing Copper. I was listening to this album on the bus coming back from school today and listened to this song a couple of times, paying more close attention to the lyrics. That combined with already having seen the music video for it led me to seeing this song's beauty a thousand fold, and has garnered me a newfound level of respect for this band as a whole. Frontman and primary songwriter Ed Kowalczyk's lyrics, especially in the case of this song, are right up there with some of the most well-written I've ever heard as he so profoundly conveys the scene of an old woman passing away in one hospital room and a baby being born in the next, as if to transfer the passing of one life into the emergence of another in a glorious celebration of life in general. His lyrical and songwriting style remind me so much of Pearl Jam's Eddie Veder, who is also amongst my favorite songwriters.

Lightning Crashes

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now, to the baby down the hall

oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored iris,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide

Lyrical Musings of the Day: Sworn and Broken by Screaming Trees/Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T12:11:00.000-08:00

Simply put, this has been quite the stale and stagnant year for me. It started out horribly and since then it hasn't particularly been a terrible year, just not particularly a great year either. The year as a whole has pretty much been this exact same way for my favorite hobbies as well. Even in the sense of my traditional year's best anime lists I love to make every year where it's been a terribly slow year for me in that sense that I just don't have enough to put on said list. It's also been a really slow year for new music as as far as I've been able to tell, and for someone who has always loved movies but is still fairly new to the level of movie buff I would prefer to be at to make such a list, all I really have left is the fact that I've listened to a crapload of older music, discovering a whole slew of bands I've never listened to/never given a more serious listening to. And the search even continues as we speak. Now I can't really make a year's best list based on this, but I can post the lyrics from one of my favorite songs by one of these said bands that ever since I heard it I thought of it to be the perfect song to ponder over during the New Year season. This year especially because I feel that not only do the lyrics of this song remind me of how this past year has been for me, but at the same time what I could say my hopes are for 2011. So here's to the best of 2011 not only for me, but for all you readers out there as well! (If there are any that is, heh heh...... )

Sworn and Broken

Winter's setting in again
And it feels
Like the end is near
Senseless sense and I'm alone
Watching' the seconds
Passing' by

Come January I swear this world
Won't be the one
That we once lived on
Took an oath
For a promise sworn and broken
All that's gone
Away

When Monday morning you can't wake up
Still dreaming' of
What could've been
Something good has gone and left you
It's another tear
One won't deny

Come January I swear this world
Won't be the one
That we once lived on
Took an oath
Another promise sworn and broken
All that's gone
All that's gone before you've changed

Well Monday morning you don't wake up
Still dreaming' of
What could've been
Something good has gone and left you
It's another tear
One more denial

Come January I swear this world
Won't be the one
That we once lived on
Took an oath
Another promise sworn and broken
All that's gone
All that's gone before
All that's gone before
Has changed

Seasonal Letdown

2010-12-23T22:22:00.000-08:00

Just in case you haven't noticed, it's that time of year again. You know, that same time of year where everyone's supposed to be happy and jolly, showing love and appreciation for those friends/family that you know, etcetera etcetera. In just an hour and a half from my writing these exact words it will officially be the day before Christmas, better known as Christmas Eve. And for all the reasons mentioned above, it's my personal favorite time of the year. Even though I can get pretty overly annoyed by snow at any other time during the wintertime, there's nothing I love to see more during the holidays. There's just something about it that adds to the wonder and beauty of the time, along with the lights all strung up and gorgeous, decorated trees all lit up and the beautiful music that is played all around during this time as well. The stress of school is behind us for three weeks and even though I personally believe in showing the same kind of love and appreciation for one another year round that is always talked about in full force cliche, it's the culmination of all these things that really seems to put the feeling in the air in all it's perfection.

Though I've always experienced all of this and reveled in it during must holiday seasons, there have been few next to none that have made me feel it more than it did last year. Mostly because there have been few holiday seasons where I had so many people I held in my thoughts and my heart during it outside of my family as well as inside it. Whereas that fact had me feeling admittedly more selfish than I probably should have during that time in years past, last year was one of the first times I saw myself appreciating it for less of the selfish commercialism and more of what truly does make it as special as it is than ever before. And all of this was made possible by the sheer and simple fact that if it wasn't family, even if it wasn't Peter, Aaron and the others or even certain someones who know who they are, it was someone else even, most specifically the many friends that I seemed to be making and who were making me feel more belonged than I ever have at school, in the band, or even other places that would be chatting with me, having me hang out with them and just all around making me feel good about myself and about them. And on what was at the time my typical paperout routine not only every day of the year but on Christmas morning as well, I saw myself not being excited about my own Christmas morning experiences, giddy to get home and open my presents and such, but deep in thought about every last one of these people and wondering how they were spending their Christmas mornings and what excitements and joys they were feeling. These experiences continued even on through New Year's and it all really gave me more of a newfound appreciation for what this time of year should be about.

Well long story short, as I'm sure we all know by now based on the many blog posts I've made on said subjects, it didn't take too long after being back in school again and life moving on as usual for life to be seeming like pretty much the exact opposite. And as a result? Here we are one holiday season later, and I couldn't feel life being emptier, lonelier, or just all around being more dull and boring than it is now. It is now currently an hour away from officially being Christmas Eve, and it honestly doesn't feel any different than any other day. Not only because of the aforementioned catastrophe, but also add onto that Peter now being married and living in Logan, so far outside of my capability to have him keep me company, Aaron and his wife being sick, and everyone else seemingly more distant from me in their thoughts then I feel they should be and instead I feel myself being more along the lines of bitter and lonely instead of having that special feeling I had last year. Ironically the more commercial feeling of the season that had me more preoccupied than it should have in years past has come back to bite me in the butt, and after last year it all just seems so empty; not nearly as exciting as it used to be. Almost everything about Christmas seems to serve as nothing more than a reminder of how wonderful things were last year and how it can't be that wonderful this year, and quite frankly, all it does is make me feel sad inside because of it and down on myself for not being able to not only have prevented things from becoming as bad as they are way back when they did, but also to find other ways to make it that special again. Just when I thought things were turning around for the better last year, this year I find myself not only back where I was before it, but not being able to appreciate it as much anymore.

I suppose all I can really hope for is to survive it all, make the best of what I do have no matter how lonely ore empty it may feel, and hope for the new and upcoming year to have more promising things in store for me so that by this time next year I won't be feeling this way anymore.

Lyrical Musings of the Day: Everyday is Exactly the Same by Nine Inch Nails

2010-11-24T23:23:00.000-08:00

I've actually been meaning to give this band more of a deeper listen to for quite a while now. I pretty much figured I've really been on quite the rock music binge lately that now's as good a time to as any. And I must say I've really been loving what I'm hearing. I'd had a good idea as to how great Trent Reznor's stuff was based off of what few NIN songs I'd heard up 'till now plus the fact that he composed the soundtrack to The Social Network, but now I've pretty much confirmed him as one of our time's greatest musical geniuses.

In any case, I had just finished downloading their 2005 album With Teeth on iTunes the other day and when I gave it a listen to and this song came on, I found myself feeling how in a lot of ways it had a strikingly similar resemblance to how I've always kind of felt about life. With Teeth as I recall was pretty much Reznor's political criticism record, one amongst many that were specifically being targeted at the Bush administration at the time. With that said, I'd probably say a good interpretation of the song's meaning is would be a description of what life is like in a capitalistic society. As such I'm actually pretty fairly certain most anyone out there could probably relate to this song every bit as much as I do.

"Every Day Is Exactly The Same"

I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around

Oh, no

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I'm still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

To Yield or not to Yield; That is the question.

2010-10-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

So I was surfing the internet last night and got completely bored, and as such I did what I usually do when I'm on the computer and bored: type my favorite musical artists into YouTube and see what comes up. Sometimes I even re-visit old favorites of mine if I'm especially bored, which indeed was the case. In the midst of this I came across one of my all time favorite music videos, that being the one for Pearl Jam's Do the Evolution (which I have linked to in this post) off of their 1998 album Yield (which, saying a lot for a band that constantly comes out with lyrical masterpieces, is probably their greatest lyrical masterpiece to date and in my opinion some of their finest work, but that's another story.....).

Rather than just being animated and animated excellently, this video is one of my favorites for the majority of reasoning being that it's actually very deep and thought provoking and loaded to the brim with symbolic images. In watching this video last night I made a few really interesting observances that I never had picked up on before, as you would imagine to be the case with something like this. One such observance was a shot near the end of the video of a Yield sign getting shot at and carelessly knocked over, as if not only to ignore it's presence and potential meaning but treating it as if it was just simply getting in the way. This observance comes in light of the fact that the concept of the album is to focus around the idea of "yielding to nature," or as Eddie Vedder says of the matter: "Let's say that hypothetically speaking, the title does mean something...You can fight so much, and then you have to think, 'What are the real battles?' 'What's really important?' You get to a certain point, and it's really hard to remember what music is and to remember what drives you." Quite a bit of a more positive outlook on life than their earlier works, which while still some of their more excellent and well known, has a lot more general pessimistic approaches. Also says Vedder on the issue: "What was rage in the past has become reflection. In the past we got really angry and we cried out against many things in our songs, and I think our message reached to people pretty well this way. But where do you go after that? I think when you become an adult you have to express your energy in a different way, more calm. That doesn't mean we forget the bad side of life, because it still appears in our songs. But what it's now exciting, a real challenge, is facing it from a more positive point of view, looking for a way to solve it. In the past we said: what a shit, this stinks, that sucks, everything sucks... Now it's time to say: stop, let's look for a solution, let's be positive."

While most of the songs on this album are more positively deep and reflective, Do the Evolution is one of the ones that very much so focuses on the bad side of life, criticizing mankind's so called "Evolution" as a species today from what we were way back when, arguing that in all actuality we are no more primitive animals than we were as cavemen. The approach from a more positive point of view/ way to solve it as Vedder suggests in the above quote I think is emphasized quite well in the shot of that Yield sign getting carelessly blown away in the music video: that sometimes we are so caught up in our ambissions and drives in life - to get ahead in life or keep up with society or whatever - that we not only seldom stop to see the beauty and passion in the bigger picture of things, but sometimes we just ignorantly and carelessly blow them by to the wayside in pursuit of our selfish ambissions.

Lyrical Musings of the Day: High and Dry by Radiohead

2010-09-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

So, being the big Radiohead nut that I am and all, I eventually had to go and pick up what is critically acclaimed as one of their best albums, The Bends, a few weeks ago after having been previously directed away from it. And while it's still not quite on the same innovative level as it's follow ups OK Computer (1997) and Kid A (2000) it's still one of the band's truest testaments to Thom Yorke's songwriting genius and in my opinion their second best album (Kid A I recognize musically as a masterpiece in melodic innovation, it's just a musical style not quite liking to my personal tastes). And as an album loaded to the brim with introspectiveness, it's hard naturally for me not to be able to identify with most of it's songs. Probably none more than High and Dry, which really hit home for me more than any other one of the band's songs. Not just lyrically, but there's just something about the melodics of this song as well that played a huge part making the lyrics just as powerful. Enough so that it almost feels like a disservice to post just the lyrics here instead of the actual song itself. And if I had a way of doing so I would. So considering the fact that I don't, you'll just have to settle for the lyrics here and maybe type it into YouTube or something if you want to hear the song as well.

High and Dry

Two jumps in a week
I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy?
Flying on your motorcycle,
Watching all the ground beneath you drop
You'd kill yourself for recognition,
Kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror,
You're turning into something you are not

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation,
You will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces,
You just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you
When you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you,
You will be the one screaming out

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

It's the best thing that you ever had,
The best thing that you ever, ever had
It's the best thing that you ever had,
The best thing you ever had has gone away

As the seasons change, so to does life.

2010-09-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

Well as it would seem school is back in session again. And with the start of a new semester also comes the end of the heat and the excitement of summer, ushering in the eventual cooler temperatures and busier days of the fall and winter. Only, maybe not all that much more busy than I was in the summer.....

I suppose you could say life isn't really all that different now that it was then. Only difference really is that I'm in school instead of working at the D.I.. Hours are about the same, only now I've got homework and studying and everything of the sort to worry about now. But I suppose it's better than going out and wearing myself out everyday, dealing with mostly people I don't like (with the exception of a few I got along well enough with) and only getting payed $7.25 an hour for 8 hours a day of all that, heh heh. It's definitely crossed my mind getting a part time job in the evenings with Saturdays off, the latter of which of course prevented me from doing such with the D.I. during the school year (we're all required to work Saturdays). I guess it's not too much to be keeping my eyes out for opportunities, but for now just focusing on my studies, doing what I love (band) and keeping up with my hobbies will do. I may just wait until next summer to find more employment, but if anything comes along I'm not too against looking into it.

It's kind of an interesting semester this time around, the likes of which I've never really had before. Aside from marching and symphonic bands the only other physically real class I have is Calculus, which by the way is definitely making MUCH more sense than it did last semester. Having a teacher that actually makes sense when she teaches the material to you and having an actual homework format this time around, along with the fact that I'm taking with me what I did learn last semester into it all really makes a huge difference. Outside of that my other two classes are online, those being Intro to Programing via Java and Network Fundamentals and Design. In a way I can't help but think things would be much more convenient in a physical classroom setting because of the better interaction you have with your professor and classmates, but I seem to be handling it just fine. It does have it's own conveniences, like how you can listen to the lectures on your own time, therefore making it all fresh in your mind when you take a quiz or test or have to do an assignment.

Band of course is always something to look forward to. As far as fall semester is concerned marching band more specifically. I'm really liking the group we have this year. If we weren't wild and crazy enough the last two years this year almost seems to be two fold that. I'm having as much fun and getting along with as much people as I ever have in band and then some. Really looking forward to when we start playing games and when we go on this that we were promised this year. I can't even comprehend how much of a blast that's going to be with this group...... XD Talent wise we also seem to be as good as we ever were, only this time we're twice as big as we were last year at about 80-something people, which is probably the biggest one I've ever been in. It's been a great year so far in these first few weeks, and I'm really looking forward to how great the rest of the year will be as well. Also feeling a lot more comfortable playing 2nd trombone in symphonic band as well as apposed to playing lead last semester. I never really like to be stuck on third, but I think lead is just way too much pressure for me. Hopefully Dr. Root will be understanding of this from now on, but considering my history with him, probably not, heh heh.

As far as hobbies go Anime has kind of shockingly taken a bit of a backseat for me as of late. I know there's a vast sea of anime out there for me to delve into and all, meaning if there's a bunch of crap for me to leave completely alone there's also a ton of greatness out there for me to explore more deeply as well. Thing is after my attempts this past summer to find more of that greatness I think I left disappointed enough that it's been hard for me to really get enthusiastic about it again. Chevalier, though I understand it to be extraordinarily enthralling in it's later episodes got so dull in the first 12 episodes that it was really hard for me to be inspired enough to keep following it. I'll probably pick it up again later sometime like I have with other series I've had this experience with and ended up absolutely adoring, but right now I kind of just have a "meh" attitude about it. Kemmonozume was really underwhelming for a Masaki Yuasa series, and not even for the same reasons as some of his works have been in the past. Surprisingly enough it was for the things in which I've always known him to be so incredibly talented with in the past. As was Tatami Galaxy come to think of it, but I ended up liking that one enough to be the only series over both spring and summer seasons I ended up having much of a desire to follow all the way to the end. With all of that said I have to say that this is the first summer where I didn't get so overly obsessed with a series that was so good it ended up amongst some of my top favorites in at least 4 years or so. I did end up having that experience with Mind Game actually, as it ended up as not only my favorite anime film of all time, but probably somewhere in my top favorite anime of all time. But seeing as how it's a movie and all, I only got to have it for 2 hours rather than over a stretched out period of time. Which kind of prevented me from actually being obsessed with it. On another bright side I picked up some of Osamu Tezuka's works and do plan on getting more into them soon. Time constraints as well as my recent anime limbo have kind of prevented me from reading MW very often, but I've really liked what I've read of it so far. Hopefully it's later half as well as Ode to Kirihito will end up helping to give me that step up I need. I also think I need to find the right anime series as well. Time of Eve (which for some reason I've STILL neglected to get around to watching....), my eventually getting past episode 6 of Durarara!! and eventually finishing Monster as well as the highly anticipated new Yoshitoshi ABe series Despera are all very likely candidates to doing such for me. Whatever happens with that though, let us pray that it happens soon.......

In the meantime I've shown more of an increased interest in films and music. Probably far more so the later than the former, but I have been starting to keep a log of films out there I need to see. Especially now that my constantly decreasing filter for R-rated movies over the last while or so has finally seemed to have hit it's mark to where the filter no longer exists. I've just taken notice as of late that I seem to have more of a passion for watching and critiquing/analyzing films and music more than I have most anything else. But for now music has probably been my biggest passion, as I've began looking a lot deeper into a lot of well known bands I've always wanted to and have also begun my journey into looking at more obscure underground bands. Starting of course with the Seattle Grunge scene and the alternative rock of the 90s, which is a great place to start in my opinion. I've noticed that most of my favorite bands came out of that era, with maybe a few from the 60s or 70s as well. I've never really been that big a fan of most of today's artists with maybe the exception of a few. But other than that I've noticed we've been in a bit of a musical limbo in our era...... Kind of makes me wish I had my youth back then instead of now..... So yeah, anyways, as I was saying, I'm hoping to look more into the underground music scene in the future. Our good 'ol pal Hellkorn over in the forums has a ton of things in that aspect he would suggest, I'll probably start looking into a lot of what he's suggested in the past.

Also, I HAVE A LAPTOP NOW!!!! :D Sorry for the mini freak out there but I do believe I am entitled to after how long I've waited to get my hands on one of those....... I will say if nothing else, working at the D.I. especially helped me out with that. Now if I could just get my own wireless internet, or if a wireless network that I could actually successfully log into would crop up around where I live things would be much more convenient then they already are...... Nonetheless though, it's been a really exciting experience having my own computer and not having to worry about what everyone else thinks about my downloading stuff to it or what my desktop backgroud is or whatever. It's even helped me get ever so slightly back into video games via the various emulators I've downloaded for it. My current obsession is with a good 'ol Super NES classic called Earthbound. Like I said above about finding the right thing to get you interested again, so far I'd say Earthbound is probably that game. Just when I thought I've played every great classic RPG out there, this one comes along, which has apparently gotten under my radar somehow..... Nonetheless, I'm excited to keep up with this one.

So once again, there you have it. Not really too much of a change from where I was the last time I made a post like this other than maybe further proof that I am indeed a geeky loner with no life, heh heh. :P But despite being nonexistent, it is all around just good and relaxed for me right now I'd say, and I'm quite enjoying it. Which in that sense I'd say it's a far cry from where it was for me back in the spring. Sometimes it's good to have a good 'ol fassioned break from the things that used to make you worry and be stressed out about as you focus your attention to other things in life that you enjoy and make it worth living for you. I guess it's not that I don't concern myself with those things at all anymore because it's still there in the back of my mind, but it's good not to let it dominate your perspective on things like it did back then. But who knows, maybe even then we'll see where this new approach to things leads me sometime in the future.

Lyrical Musings of the Day: Everything Changes by Staind

2010-07-19T22:19:00.000-07:00

Once again I was listening to my iPod when this song came on and the lyrics hit me pretty deep, and once again I reiterate how amazed I am at how well I feel I can relate to a lot of Staind's songs. Really the major reason why they're in my top 10 favorite bands.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
would it matter anyway?
would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
the closet you can not close
The devil in you I suppose
'cuz the wounds never heal

But everything changes
if I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real

When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
through this part of the day

Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
It's more than just a word

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway.
It wouldn't change how you feel

Lyrical Musings of the Day: Jeremy by Pearl Jam.

2010-06-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

So I've been on a bit of a binge of listening to my favorite band a lot lately for some odd reason. I'm thinking it might have to to with me running into a whole bunch of videos a little while ago from their live show they did at the E Center out here in Salt Lake back in September a and really, really wishing I could've gone (Next time they come through Utah for sure!). And since then I've been wondering about which Pearl Jam album is the greatest of all time. It's kind of hard to say though, PJ is more of a song band than they are an album band. In which sense they have some of the greatest songwriting and lyrical writing capabilities I've ever heard. A lot of people though would probably tell you that their old classic debut album that made them so huge and legendary in the first place, Ten, is their finest work. It certainly is their most popular and successful one, that's for sure. I myself have maybe wondered if it is, given the fact that classics like the heavily rocking Even Flow, the mellow yet high energy leveled Alive, the passionately emotional and dark and somber Black, and the powerfully shocking tribute Jeremy are on there, all of which do indeed rank amongst some of their finest work. But what does the album have outside of that? From what I've been able to tell, it's mostly just a heavy rock out fest. Which is cool and all, especially since Pearl Jam does it as well as anybody, but outside of Black and Jeremy, it doesn't really have the powerfully inspiring or contemplatively stimulating touch that makes them such an amazing band. Despite that fact though, the album does indeed have those two songs, both of which are probably two of the greatest songs they've ever written, and most definitely two of my all time favorite songs from them.

Of course you've all heard me go on and on about Black, heck, I've even posted the lyrics for it on here before if you remember. But today I listened to Jeremy I think for the first time in a good long while, and I must say it really reminded me of not only why it's such an incredible song, but why Pearl Jam is my favorite band. For those who don't know it's basically a tribute to a Middle School student who headlined newspapers back in '91 when he walked up in front of his English class and shot himself, and it features, along with Black, some of the finest lyrical writing PJ has ever put out. Not to mention the song itself is as full of compelling energy and passion as any one of their songs can be.

Jeremy

At home
Drawing pictures
Of mountain tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun
Arms raised in a V
Dead lay in pools of maroon below

Daddy didn't give attention
To the fact that mommy didn't care
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today

Clearly I remember
Pickin' on the boy
Seemed a harmless little ****
But we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth
And bit the recess lady's breast

How could I forget
He hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurting
Dropped wide open
Just like the day
Like the day I heard

Daddy didn't give affection
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Try to forget this...
Try to erase this...
From the blackboard.

The Choice Has Been Made: BroEl's Summer Season 2010 Anime Lineup

2010-06-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

Seems almost like yesterday I was making my picks for what I would be watching for the spring season, doesn't it? Well it wasn't yesterday, no, but it was only about two months ago or so that I did. Time sure does fly by when you're watching a season of good anime. Even the 11-13 episode series from last season have yet to finish their run yet, but with them coming close to doing so and the new season approaching us, it is now time to take a look at what I will be watching. Though I probably won't be following all of them to the end given time restrictions (maybe a couple and that's it) I figure I ought to at least give all five of these series a shot.

Highschool of the Dead

Although I've never been a particularly huge fan of Death Note, the names of Madhouse Studios and Tetsuo Araki still give meaning enough for me to want to give this series a shot. Because those same names are associated with my #2 anime released in Japan from 2008, that of course being Kurozuka. Death Note I still thought was a pretty excellent series despite not really liking it all that much, and Kurozuka was just a downright flashy cool series in it's own right. That said expectations are pretty much right up in that same capacity for this series as well. Definitely looking forward to what it brings to the table.

Occult Academy

From the looks of things, the premise of this series looks to have something to do with both the supernatural and time travel at the same time, amongst various other interesting phenomina. Which I must say, definitely intrigues me quite a bit. Based off of the premise alone it seems like it's at least worth a shot, but we'll see. If it's anything like Ghost Hunt (it actually kind of reminds me of that series more than anything else) it may end up being one I'll have to have patience with before it really starts to keep my interest.

Shiki

I must say, the animation for this series really caught my eye at first glance. It's from the same person who brought us Twelve Kingdoms (which I have yet to see or even really know anything about) and, oddly enough that I mention it again, Ghost Hunt, although unlike the latter, this one looks like it could be a real creepfest right from the start. It definitely has a very eerie feel to it, which has me very intrigued. Plus that and the plot summary on ANN makes it sound like this one could end up being a really engaging thriller. Definitely going to keep an eye on this one, that's for sure.

Nurarihyon no Mago

This one seems to be the least intriguing of all of the series I've decided to give a shot this season, and probably the most likely to be the very first series I decide not to follow to the end. Despite that fact though it still at least seems decent enough to give a shot to anyways. It does sound like a kind of series I might like after all.

Osaka Hamlet

I think I've come to find that Seinen has definitely become one of my top favorite genres of anime, and from the looks of things this series falls right under that category. Meaning I'll definitely be giving it a shot. Doesn't really look like there's much information on what this series is about; no trailer or plot summary or anything, but the art style and, well, pretty much the entirety of the image above really makes it look like it could end up being quite the unique and intriguing experience of the new season. If it turns out the way it looks it's probably going to be the only series on this list I'll be following all the way to the end for sure.

And that folks would be my lineup for the season. As always be sure to look forward to both mine and JayGee's first impression posts over on ArizUtaku about these series and more come next month.

On This Day.....

2010-06-04T23:52:00.000-07:00

Today has been a bit of a nostalgic day for me. My younger brother graduated from high school today, which him being the youngest in our family and how old that makes me feel is a completely different subject matter all to itself. Where the feelings of nostalgia lie is not so much in the fact that he graduated today as much as it is the very interesting coincidence that it just so happened to fall on Friday, June 4th. That is the exact same day 6 years ago that I myself graduated from high school.

That was a day that will be long remembered. A day that I believe will forever be etched into my memory as if it only happened yesterday. And not just because it was my graduation day. No, that would be incredibly cheesy if it was just that, although I do believe one will probably still find the cheese factor pretty high nonetheless, heh heh. ^_^' The reason why I will probably forever have memorized the exact happenings of that day are because at the same time as being a wonderful, joyous day, it was also perhaps one of the worst days of my life as well. It was the day that introduced two people experiencing true feelings of love for someone for the first time into the dark and hopeless world of that love being taken away from them. For one of those two people however, it only really took them about 6 or 7 months to recover when he met the woman of his life whom he is now preparing to become espoused to in just a few months. For that same other person however, that day put him in a dark abysmal hole that took him two years to climb out of and, though that past is well behind him, even still to this day struggles with the effects that experience had on him.

If you haven't noticed yet, I speak of my best friend and myself respectively. Now the happenings of that day and the contents of both of our situations are a bit complex for me to go into very deeply, but what I will never forget are the exact feelings of that day. At times I felt the rush of excitement a graduating student always feels. But at others I either felt concern for my best friend, feelings of loneliness and inferiority, or feelings of sadness and desperation in trying to tell someone how I felt about them before I would never see them again and then inevitably the feeling of that hope I had when I finally got it off my shoulders go fluttering out the window. I was honestly at a point by the end of the day where I am probably lucky to be here before you all today, if not for the encouraging words of my best friend, who was experiencing the same things I was.

Flash forward to six years latter. Both these fine young women are married now. Don't know about the one involving Peter but the one involving me even has a one and a half year old son now too boot. Of course I already mentioned how well off Peter is doing, and then of course, there's me...... Though I have long since moved on from that particular situation, and though I am much wiser and far more skilled with people than I was back then, I still can't help but think of how it might have effected me in the long run. For the most part I like to say it helped me develop into the person that I am today - a much stronger, more mature and capable person than I once thought I could ever be. And even though I still remain to be very much so the friendly, laid back and good natured person that I've always been, at the same time I can't help but think this development into a strong, mature and capable person has also made me more cynical, rebellious, bitter and angry than I thought I could ever be. Though I'm as introverted as ever, and probably always will be, I really have broken down a lot of my personal walls that I used to have, and am still in the process of breaking down even more. Gradually I have been breaking out of my shell I used to be in way back when, and I do believe the events of 6 years ago today lead me in that right direction. But recent events involving my driving people that I love and care about deeply away from me and my current confrontation with others (including my aforementioned best friend) over wanting to follow my own advice and live my life the way I feel is right for me rather than take their guiding advice is starting to make me wonder if the strong, mature and capable and at the same time cynical, rebellious, bitter and angry person I have become today is starting to drive everyone I love away from me, and that one day I will wake up cold and alone.

What I believe I need to do in order to prevent that is to find the middle grounds between the positive and negative effects of breaking down those walls. I've forced too much of the negative in the former example and as a result I may never be able to salvage what I lost as a result and may have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life. With the latter however, I am trying to find that middle ground and even though I've succeeded for the most part, some of the negative has come out towards them. So far they have been as understanding and forgiving as I've always known them to be about it, but at the same time I can't help but feel I'm on thin ice as they continue to confront me about it, and I continue to wonder whether or not they'll be true friends in the end and eventually understand what it is I'm trying to do. But I do believe that if I can find this middle ground and I can find someone who can understand it and not get offended, then perhaps the day the effects of today 6 years ago will finally, truly be behind me.

Lyrical Musings of the Day: It's Been a While by Staind

2010-05-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

I swear I'm not trying to overload you all with all these song lyrics! ^_^' Just listened to another one today, and another one by Staind no less, and even more yet another one from Staind's Break the Cycle album. It's another one that I felt I could relate to personally, which is one of the reasons they've really gotten up there as, well, not really one of my favorite bands, but one I've really come to love quite a bit. They are quite impressive with their song writing style and their musicality and sound isn't bad either, but their songs are just so personal sometimes it's hard not to be able to relate to them. This one in particular though is one I've been having on my mind a lot lately.

And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I first saw you
And it's been a while
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been a while
Since I could call you

And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem
And consequences that are rendered
I stretch myself beyond my means

And it's been a while
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well
And it's been a while
Since I've gone and ****** things up just like I always do
And it's been a while
But all that **** seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem
And consequences that are rendered
I've gone and ****** things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry

Lyrical Musings of the Day: Black by Pearl Jam

2010-05-09T22:48:00.000-07:00

Probably some of the most well written lyrics I've ever heard for the most part come from Pearl Jam. Combine that with the fact that they pour so much energy and raw emotion into their music and that's precisely what makes them without a doubt my all time favorite band. They have such a way with words, and such a way with being able to either powerfuly reach you on an emotional level or stimulate you intelectually. These lyrics here are from my favorite song of theirs, and one of my favorite songs of all time. Because this song embodies everything that's so great about Pearl Jam, how they can take a song with such a generic main theme and turn it into something so poetic and emotionally powerful. And because of which this song has typically tended to be one of my personal main themes during times when it feels like my still beating heart has been ripped right out of my chest. Of course this song clearly implies that the woman Eddie Veder is singing about was more specifically someone he made love to, which at those parts I just replace those lyrics with some of my own that better fits the situation, heh heh. ^_^'

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did (my version: as her presence once did).
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore (my version: that she bore)
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, can't it be mine

A summer full of magic and adventure! ......and work....

2010-04-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

So as most of you have probably noticed, I like to do one of these around pretty much any time I'm either out for school or am on my way back into school, just to kind of cap stuff that's been going on in life. Well, with finals week over with as of last Tuesday, we're well past due for that time yet again. So as such, I now present to you the mostly pathetically sad and uneventful yet strangely interesting and exciting events to come in the life of everyone's favorite geeky loner.

First of all, a recap of what has happened since the last time I did this. As most of you know I was struggling with my Calculus class for a very long while there, afraid that I was going to fail it and thus effecting my financial aid in a not so pleasant way. And the stress continued well up until, well, pretty much around the same time I took the final. But since I posted my thoughts on this particular issue a few months ago, I must say I've been making up the slack quite well for the most part. I was able to work my way up from an E probably within the 30 percentiles to an E in the 50 percentiles, but an E nonetheless. So I was cutting it dangerously close, needless to say. But it was most certainly progress, that's for sure. Then after pouring over my study time endlessly for the remaining two tests of the class (the one we ended up having on the last day of class and the final) I was able to make even more progress apparently, because it was enough to pull my grade out from the 50 percentiles to what I have recently checked as my final grade in that class as a D, better even than the D- I was at the very least least shooting for in that class. Now if only I had tackled things like that from the very start, maybe I wouldn't even have to take the class again. But, no point in worrying about what could've been I suppose. Whenever we make mistakes we just have to accept the consequences and do the best with what you have otherwise. In which case I look forward to this fall when I take it again, this time with more confidence in what I already know as an advantage instead of being overwhelmed by seeing it for the first time. Other grades were pretty solid though. Typical A in Symphonic Band of course, with a B in CS 1030 and a C in Anthropology. Which both are a bit lower than I was hoping they would be, but still satisfying enough. However that fact plus the Calc grade ended up hitting my GPA pretty hard. After rolling for two strait semesters of 3.19 and 3.25, I ended up with the lowest GPA I've ever had at a 2.17. The overall cumulative GPA only dropped from 2.99 to2.87 though, so it's really not so depressing when you think of it.

And now with that behind us, we look ahead to 4 fun-filled months of not having to put up with the stress of exams, homework or studying!! Unlike my stint of depression back during spring break though, I'm actually kind of looking forward to having plenty of time to do nothing this time around. Though I still look back and miss ever so dearly how things were before with regret as to how I allowed them to turn out, and though I still feel quite lonely from time to time outside of the many fond times I still do have with the good 'ol doompants gang (Peter, Aaron and co.), I think I'm well enough removed from the situation by now and used to the way things are enough that for the most part, I've learned not to let it bother me quite as much anymore. Which is a good thing, because now I can focus on other things other than how miserable my life is. Like for starters, I've finally been able to get out and begin my journey into the world of having a job. Got a bishop's referal turned into the D.I. a couple of weeks ago and back on Tuesday I had an interview to work there. Today I went in to sign some paperwork, probably would have even done some work in my assigned department (I will be working out in the dock, which is awesome because I get to see all the kinds of awesome and entertaining stuff that comes in there!! :D ) with my job training coach as well if he had been in today. But since he wasn't I'm assuming I'll be doing that tomorrow sometime after the orientation in the morning. All of which I get payed for, which is also nice. 8-) When I do start actual work up, I'll be working 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day for 5 days of the week, though I will be required to work on Saturdays. Which is pretty much why we've come to the conclusion that I won't be working when school starts up again, or at least not there anyways. By then I hope to be moving on to a part time job that will work me at the very most 6 hours a day for 4 days, which would pretty much be ideal for me. In the meantime I'll be earning minimum wage with this job, which when you do the math comes out to about $500-$600 per paycheck, of which I have no reason to complain. 8-) As for the good 'ol family paper route, I'm still working that one as well, but only until May 31st, as we are sending in our notice on Saturday. It sure will be nice to be able to sleep again after about 12 or so years of doing it, that's for sure.

As for the dating situation, I think I'm just going to take it easy for a while. I won't deny the fact that I still have feelings for who I do, and I still don't think those feelings will go away very easily. But I think what's best for me to do right now is just take up any opportunity to go on whatever date I can with anybody and not really worry about finding a relationship out of any of it. Basically I think for now I'm just trying to expand my horizon of who I can meet and who out of those people I can possibly like. I don't think that means that I'm promising I won't end up in a relationship any time soon though. That mostly depends on who I do meet and how much I end up liking them. But that will be determined only after I figure out whether or not they like me first I think. I've been in way too many one-sided situations where I've been the one to like them that way to do anything else. But for now I'm just not going to worry too much about it. It may happen, it may not, either way I don't think I really care too much at the moment. All I'm really concerned with right now is putting myself out there and seeing who likes me and whether or not I like them.

And of course, as always, it wouldn't be a long break from school without a crap load of anime to watch! ^_^ I imagine my anime watching will be somewhat limited this summer from what it typically is, given the fact that I'll be working and all (and working for 8 hours a day no less..... ). But I'm sure it won't be by too much. Already on tap, and already have I delved into, are two series in particular, one of which I'm actually already halfway through. That series would be the French revolution epic Le Chevalier D'eon, which full series box set I ended up getting way back at Christmastime. So far the series has indeed been quite epic, and without a doubt quite interesting, given the setting and story taking place in a time period and location not typically seen in an anime series, complete with actual historical figures as lead characters and all. According to most it starts out kind of slow, which I must say I do kind of agree with to a point. But I think I'm already getting to the point where this thing is really starting to get quite exciting. The other, which I have watched two episodes of so far, would be one of Masaaki Yuasa's first masterpieces in Kemmonozume. It's start hasn't been quite as impressive or magnificent as Kaiba's was or Tatami Galaxy's has been so far, but still very, very impressive and magnificent nonetheless. From the disappointment I hear about how the series turned out though, it is possible I might find myself experiencing the typical railroad crash we saw with Kaiba. If not, then maybe it'll just be as impressive as it is now, never getting better, which I won't complain about if it does. I may be able to put it up on a higher pedestal than Kaiba at the very least. Then there's the new spring season anime that I'll be trying to follow regularly, which I have already posted on this blog earlier and which I have already posted my first impressions of (at least the ones I was assigned anyways) over on ArizUtaku, and I'm also thinking about finishing up Planets, which I got about 12 episodes into during the winter break and never finished, and Eve no Jikan (Time of Eve), which I have regrettably only seen one episode of. I might even be looking into finding Yuasa's grandest masterpiece of them all, the highly acclaimed film Mind Game, some time this summer as well. Who knows, I might even end up finding myself FINALLY getting around to watching Haruhi and the second season of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex if there's time for anything else.

And so my friends, my fellow bloggers who have been so kind as to follow me on here, there you have it; my life at this moment in a nutshell. Hope I haven't bored you to death too terribly much, heh heh.

Things guys wish girls knew.

2010-04-19T22:33:00.000-07:00

Just barely became a fan of this over on facebook. I must say, well over like, 90% of this is so very true......

1. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.

2. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him

5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-he… method.

6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

8. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're a *********-- Goodbye.

9. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

10. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

11. Guys are very open about themselves.

12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

14. Guys love you more than you love them.

15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot.

16. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me." but if he said he doesnt want to talk about it, give him a day or 2 and he will come out

23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.

25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

27. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

30. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

32. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn’t mean he represents ALL of them.

33. They love it when girls talk about their boobs.

34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually

35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs

36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts lol

37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probaly still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.

39.Usually (not all the time) it's the guys who have all the millions of girlfriends how treat you bad, most of the "less popular" guys will treat you better.

40.Sometime men appreciate the burden being taken off of them. If you like someone... tell them. Otherwise nothing ever materializes from your feelings.! Most guys like it when girls ask them out

41.99% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you, so don't take everything we say seriously lol^^

42. Trust us, you are DEFINITELY not always right.If you are wrong just admit it, please.Believe it or not, but we are VERY forgiving

43.hey girls you look beautiful naturally whatsoever the more time you spend to makeup the less time we spend together...

44.We definitely love the girls who feel worried and take care of us when we are sick

I never thought a personality quiz could be this interesting.....

2010-04-14T21:54:00.000-07:00

So I was looking in The Anime Alley one day (one of the forums I post in quite frequently, for those of you who don't know) and as part of one of our topics of discussion someone brought up the results to what is apparently very widely well known as the Jung Typology Test. Pending on how well you search for it you'll either have to pay to take it or you can find places that will allow you to take it for free, but it's a very interesting formula for analyzing your persona at an impressively deep and intricate level. Here's a link to a free one, for those that are interested in taking it: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

After I was finally linked to a site where you can take it for free, I came up with the INFP (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving), or "Healer" result. Here's a link to the description page for said result:http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=healer

I'd say it's not too far off from being pretty fairly accurate. Though personally I'd say the INFJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging) or "Protector" result is probably a lot more like me than the INFP one is.

Lyrical Musings of the Day: Epiphany by Staind

2010-04-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

Two posted lyrics in a row, yay! Of course it'll probably be something you'll have to learn to get used to, considering how much I listen to my music and how many lyrics out there I completely adore. ;P

In any case, have you ever heard a song that sometimes you swear was written about you that's just how well you feel you can identify with it? I had a song like that come up on my iPod today. Heard it plenty of times before, but just today did it hit me just how well I can relate to it. I swear I had it on loop a billion times after that as well, heh heh.

Epiphany

Your words to me just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
'Cause my words get in my way
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
'Cause I can't take anymore of this
I want to come apart
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention
Yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

Lyrical Musings of the Day: No Surprises by Radiohead

2010-04-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

Pretty much anything from their album OK Computer, which by now I have acknowledged as qutie possibly the greatest album of all time, could make it's way onto a post such as this one. And more than likely you'll probably be seeing plenty more lyrics off that album getting on here in the future. But for today, we'll just leave it at probably my favorite song off that album (though it's incredibly hard to pick just one favorite, heh heh), and what's become quite possibly one of my all time favorite songs as well. It came up on my iPod today and reminded me not only of just how beautiful this song is, especially in contrast to the rest of the album as it applies to the overall main theme it was shooting for, but just how incredible an album it is in the first place.

No Surprises

A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal

You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent

This is my final fit, my final bellyache with

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please

Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden

No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)

The Choice Has Been Made: BroEl's Spring Season 2010 Anime Lineup

2010-04-01T23:13:00.000-07:00

Well folks, spring is in the air! (at least if you don't live in Utah it is anyways..... ) And with that said, we're onto a brand new season of anime! This would normally be the kind of post I'd make over on ArizUtaku, but given the fact that Matt pretty much has it taken care of over there, added the fact that he does typically tend to watch more series per season than I do, I've decided this season to make a post of my own on this blog as to which series I'll be following. I'm probably going to do this on a regular basis as well, which I probably should've been doing since I started doing this blog in the first place, heh heh. ^_^' In any event, I've decided to go with a whole whopping four series, about the same as I went with last season. Usually I try to go with at least four or five or so, and that's mostly when I've got summer break coming up, where I'd actually have time to follow stuff, heh heh. I just felt like I overloaded myself far too much with the some-ought 9 or 10 or so I went with during the spring 2008 anime season, and I'd much rather try to keep it more at a minimum from now on. Especially considering this summer break I'll more than likely be in the hunt for a job to take up a good portion of that time.

So without further adu, here my picks for this season:

Heroman

Pretty much the only reason why I'll be following this one is because it's a Studio Bones series. And as such is automatically required for me to give a shot, given the enormous Bones fanboy I am. ;) But even with that aside, you have to be at least somewhat intrigued that none other than Mr. Stan Lee himself has his involvement in this one. Add on to all of that the fact that no matter how generic or cliche the premise may be, I actually do have quite the taste for series like these, if at it's very lowest level a form of good 'ol fashioned entertaining fun. And no matter how generic this series may end up being (or how lame it's title is... >.> ) I can say that at the very least, it won't turn out to be the complete and utter ripoff of anything like that pathetic excuse for a series Fairy Tail disappointingly ended up to be......

House of Five Leaves

Two things in particular interest me quite a bit about this series. The thing at first glance would most definitely have to be the animation style and character designs, as you can see from the picture above. Just by the look of it alone it screams out to be a series worth watching. The other would have to be the fact that it's a good 'ol fashioned samurai tale, and I'm always up for one any day. The only thing that really seems to be discouraging about it though is that apparently the original source material is nothing special, if even that, according to some. Whatever the case, I'll see for myself whether or not it'll end up being anything worth following. So far though I must say, I'm at least impressed enough to check it out.

Rainbow - Nisha Rokubō no Shichinin

Now this series just looks awesome. Dark, gritty seinin action series produced by Studio Madhouse, I mean what's not to like? Unfortunately ANN doesn't have a description of the series so there's not much I know about it's premise, but basically from what Matt said about it over on ArizUtaku, this could very well be one of the most promising series of the season. And of course depending on how it develops, maybe even one of the best of the year.

Yojō-Han Shinwa Taikei

All it took to get me to want to see this series were two names in particular: Masaaki Yuasa (Creator of Mind Game, Kemonozume and Kaiba) and Michiru Oshima (Musical score for Fullmetal Alchemist, Le Chevalier D'eon). And given how much of an artistic masterpiece the past works of both these two have been, no question this series has to already be in contention for best series of 2010. We'll see how it goes though of course. Sometimes some of these kinds of series end up a tad bit of a disappointment like Yuasa's Kaiba already did back in '08. Not that it was a terrible series or that it fell way short of expectations or anything, just that sometimes series like it from what they seem like at first glance can sometimes in comparison to other ingenious works by those same people not quite be on the same level, and expectations can sometimes fall a tad bit short. Nevertheless though, there's no doubt I have extremely high expectations for this series. And no doubt it will live up to them, even if they do fall a tad bit short. I say this especially given how amazing the trailer for it looks already.

So, there you have it then! Also be sure to look forward to my "first impressions" posts on some of these series over on ArizUtaku coming soon. Or at least as soon as I can get around to watching the first episodes of them anyways, heh heh. ^_^'

Lyrical Musings of the Day: Through Glass and Zzyzx Rd. by Stone Sour

2010-03-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

For some time now I've been trying to figure out what kind of new feature I could possibly put in place of the now deceased For Your Listening Pleasure feature of mine, and nothing unfortunately has ever come up..... But earlier today while I was listening to my iPod admiring the lyrical writing abilities of some of my favorite bands, I thought up an idea that maybe a good way to replace it would be to share some of these lyrics with all you readers out there. So as such, the new feature in place of the old will now be what I have decided to call "Lyrical Musings of the Day," in which I will post the lyrics to a song that either reflects my current mood/thoughts, are lyrics to a song I re-discovered I loved or are new songs I have discovered I love in the first place, or are just simply songs in which I think "man, that's a really awesomely well written song!"

So without further adu, today I will post the lyrics to two Stone Sour songs in particular, mostly just because they both stand out to me right now and quite frankly, I really couldn't choose just one, heh heh. ^_^'

Through Glass

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget.. you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your heaaaaddd

And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah

And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah yeah

Ohhhoh when the starrs
Ohhh oh when the starrrrs that liieee

Zzyzx Rd.

I don't know how else to put this
It's taken me so long to do this
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight
My muscles feel like a melee
My body's curled in a U-shape
I put on my best but I'm still afraid

Propped up by lies and promises
Saving my place as life forgets
Maybe its time I saw the world

I'm only here for a while
But patience is not my style
And I'm so tired that I gotta go

What am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through

Tell me I should stick around for you
Tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go

I get to go home in one week
But I leaving home in three weeks
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry

I'm following suit and directions
I crawl up inside for protection
I'm told what to do and I don't know why

I'm over existing in limbo
I'm over the myths and placebos
I don't really mind if I just fade away

I'm ready to live with my family
I'm ready to die in obscurity
'Cause I'm so tired that I gotta go

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
You still don't think I'm going see this through

Tell me I'm a part of history
Tell me I can have it all
I'm still to tired to care and I gotta go

Concerning My Last Post: Spring Break is Not That Bad.

2010-03-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

As many of you already know based off of my last blog post, I really was not anticipating my spring break this past week to be particularly exciting. I mean it never really is, but considering how much life has sucked over the past few months or so I especially thought it to be so this year. I mean sure, there's plenty of anime and movies to watch out there, plenty of manga/books to read, plenty of video games to play, ect. Heaven knows I have a gargantuan backlog of such things I just need the time to get through sometime. But what I've come to find is that when you're going through tough times like this, it's never a good idea to keep yourself all cooped up inside your house all alone like that. It's always best to try to get out of the house and actually be with people; being able to laugh with them, being able to have fun with them, and most of all, being able to talk with them about things and allowing them to make you feel better.

But who do you go to when one of the main sources of the problem is when it feels like you've lost a massive percentage of people who were once ones who would do that for you? I guess that's where good friends and family you still do have come in, and I also guess that that's where you are shown the people who really are your true friends and the ones who really do love and care about you. That's where I'm glad I have both a wonderful blood related family as well as my non-blood related family of people like Peter and Aaron and their respective spouses/soon to be spouses. Probably about 90% of my spring break was spent with them, with about 5% of it with blood relations and the other 5% with what little time was actually given to me to enjoy all that time to sleep and use the computer I had been given, heh heh. And the best part about it is with Peter's fiancée down in California the whole week and him feeling miserable and lonely with everyone else seeming to be out of town that week as well, he pretty much needed me every bit as much as I needed him. Which makes it all the more fulfilling. I can't help but think the lord had a hand in that one, preventing me from going to the NCAA Tournament with the pep band so I could help take that charge. And with as much as he's been there for me throughout my life, I was more than happy to have that opportunity.

Basically the break started off (I consider Saturday to be apart of it) about like how I was expecting it to be: dull and boring, ready to kill over because of all the staleness and stagnatism, wondering how the crap I could possibly keep on doing this for a whole week. I kept myself busy that night with Gangs of New York, which had just barley debuted on AMC, and a delicious Carls Jr. dinner. Sunday night I ended up watching Pulp Fiction twice (which was on this afternoon as well it would seem), which to my amazement seemed to be on all weekend. Which probably would have made me happy anyways, seeing as how that's actually become one of my all time favorite movies. But things didn't really get going until Monday night. That had also been a regular spring break day as usual, all the way up until a massive birthday bash we traditionally have for all the March birthdays in our family, which strangely enough are all within at least a few days of each other, heh heh. It came complete even with a good 'ol fashioned game of Quelfs, which I haven't played in a good long while. Absolutely a riot, that game is! XD

Tuesday night is what my cousin Megan and her fiancee Walter have been working on regularly making our anime and game night with us plus a few of their friends as well, which is always fun. Coming back from Salt Lake to their home in Ogden, they nabbed me here in Bountiful on the way sometime in the early afternoon, so of course I spent pretty much the whole day with them. They bought me a Mountain Dew slurpee on the way up (they know me so well ^_^) and we went exploring at good 'ol Cosco up there in Ogden. I showed them a few episodes of Texhnolyze like I had promised I would do after I was shocked to find a copy of it at the Ogden Hastings (best store EVER!) while hanging out with them there a few weeks earlier, and needless to say they were quite weirded out by it, heh heh. :P Then after that we started gaming, of course.

Wednesday was where things REALLY started to get crazy. Pretty much spent the whole day with Peter, Aaron and Sam exploring the Gateway, as well as free Planetarium and free children's museum after we had been disappointed we couldn't go to the zoo that day for free. I gott a nice pair of shades to replace my old crappy ones while we were at it too. Then we went over to Aaron's parents' house for some cake and ice cream (it was his dad's birthday apparently) and rented a whole bunch of movies. We ended up watching Monsters vs. Aliens that night, which actually ended up being a lot funnier then I was expecting it to be.

Thursday was actually kind of a disappointing day, seeing as how I ended up not having enough money to take up Linda's big laser tagging invite after Wednesday's craziness, and Alex, and old high school friend of mine, had plans to invite me to go play G.U.R.P.S. with his gaming buddies that fell under. Which I think might have been an attempt to get that hang out session with that girl who wanted to hang out with me despite already being taken that never happened.... But Peter and I pretty much spent the whole day (amazingly.... o_O) up at his house playing Magic, which we actually pretty much played for hours on end pretty much every day I hung out with him this week, heh heh. ^_^' Which was good actually, because neither of us had really done any Magic playing since before Gregg left for the army, so we needed some good Magic playing/deck building sessions like that.Friday consisted of more Magic, but then latter that day we got Aaron and Sam up at his house and we watched more of our rented movies and ate Papa Murphy's.

Saturday we originally made plans to go up to Logan once Amy got back from her big California trip to spend the day up there with her and do some gaming with the Star Wars campaign we started up with her, but much like pretty much every day the gang got together this week, we were so preoccupied with doing other fun things we pretty much failed to do any gaming at all, heh heh. ^_^' While we were up there we payed a visit to the Gosner Cheese shop, which is the best place anywhere to get Cheese. They had lots of sample tables where we got to try out a lot of the kinds of cheese/cheese spreads they had there, and I instantly became addicted. Sooooo goooooood. I did also have enough money to buy some things of my own there, so I took home a package of smoked swiss cheese and some swiss and oninon cheese spread, which me and my whole family pretty much finished right off this afternoon, heh heh. I will see tomorrow night when we make hamburgers for dinner how the smoked swiss is. Then we ate at a Hawaiian restaurant up there, which was pretty good. Never had Hawaiian food before, so it was an interesting experience. Pretty much the rest of the afternoon leading all the way up with dinner consisted of us finding too many entertaining things on the TV up there in Amy's college housing apartment, so like I said, we never got around to doing any gaming. ;) Then we went to the Indian restaurant for dinner, which had some great food, but the belly dancing performance that ended up breaking up there (we went there for that primarily, Amy being the big belly dancing guru she is and all) ended up making me feel uncomfortable, only really because I was sitting at the end of the table so I ended up getting half naked belly dancers all up in my face....... >.> Everyone else seemed to get a kick out of it though, and part of it was their fault (Amy knows some of the people who were dancing there that night so she decided it would be funny to sick one of them on me..... >.> ) so I decided to be a good sport about it and not get angry at them. I actually really think my uncomfortably being at that place had more to do with the fact that as well as the belly dancers in my face plus the whole dancing environment that has always reminded me of why I never attended any dances or stomps in high school (they had a thing at the end of the performance where anyone who wanted could get up and go out and dance, even if poorly, along with the dancers and people, including Peter and the gang, were trying to get me to go out and dance, even though I had absolutely no desire to.... ) REALLY put me in an environment in which I did not want to be in. But other than that, it was good times.

It is kind of funny how I came from fearing I wouldn't have enough to do to having too much to do, heh heh. In some ways I do actually kind of wish Peter and the gang had spared me more free time to myself thinking back on it, but at the same time I have no desire to complain. I ended up having good times with people who I know care about me at a time when both them and I needed it, and I guess in the end that's all that really matters. I guess in some ways I just wish there were more people out there who cared about me that much is all.

Staleness and Stagnantism abounds.

2010-03-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

Normally this would be the post where I go on and on about how excited I am that we get a whole week off of school all next week, with caps and exclamation points galore. But as nice as a good old fashion break from all the stresses of school always is no matter what, this time around I kind of find myself not particularly looking forward to it all that much, like I normally do.

As of before just this past Wednesday I thought I was going to have plenty to be exited for to spend my spring break doing. But unfortunately fate as it would seem has decided to give me the nice ol' middle finger yet again as the Weber State men's basketball team fails us all, if but ever so slightly, but ever so slightly enough that there will be no free band trip to the NCAA tournament. Add onto that the fact that in what seems to be such a short amount of time I've come from having what seemed to be a ton of really great, wonderful friends on such a scale that it seemed like everyone and their dog wanted to do something with me over winter break to public enemy number one with probably more than half of those same people - and a tiny pinch of typical single person disappointment when a girl you talked to on the bus earlier this afternoon really, really hit it off with you, exchanged cell phone numbers with you and everything, texted you for hours on edge when you both got home, even went as far as to make plans to hang out with you over the break only to let you know that they are already taken - and you have yourself a nice old recipe for death by boredom.

Oh well, at least that aforementioned girl gave me at least something to do over the break anyways. And who knows, maybe Peter and the gang will come up with something.

BroEl's overly stressful and in some ways quite emo rant......

2010-02-17T23:34:00.000-08:00

Gal, it's been since way back in December when I made my last post here, hasn't it? Well I've had plenty to write about, that's for sure. Problem is actually ever getting around to writing any of it, which with as much has occupied both time and mind as of late, has been extremely difficult to do. Heh.... But after reading the most recent post on my friends blog about her current stresses in life, I kind of felt the need to give myself my own release of some of the things that have been overwhelming me over the last little while or so.

Well I was originally going to come in back at the beginning of the semester and give my overview of how the break went and what I'm looking forward to academically, socially and personally going into the new year/semester. But those things do sort of loosely tie into this little rant of mine, so I guess in a way you could say this is pretty much it then, heh. Basically coming into this new year/semester, things were looking very, very up for me after having had fallen on some pretty dark times for a while. I had finally put a lot of my old feelings behind me that had been troubling me since back in the summer and accepted things for what they were currently, even if they weren't what I wanted. Despite that fact, I finally felt ready to move on with life and give more serious thought to exploring other possibilities with other feelings I felt like I could've possibly had.

That's where the confusion begins though. Also coming into the year/semester, one of those possibilities was to not have feelings for anyone in particular at all, as inspired to me by my good friend Bryson. It was something I was seriously considering giving a try, but the problem was going into the year/semester I still felt like there was a possibility that I could've already had some feelings for a couple of certain specific very wonderful and amazing young ladies that was now ready to come fourth since I had finally put those old feelings behind me. So the conflictions stood as thusly: which one of those magnificent young ladies do I want to be with the most, or do I even want to have feelings for anyone right now? As it would seem, none of my old conflictions from the past year/semester had gone away, all but just that one particular feeling that I had finally put behind me, but that was it. It felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders, but the confusion had just only begun.....

And as a result, I took far too long to act. I guess I can't put too much blame on Teagan for setting her brothers up with them, she did what she thought was best for the people she cares about most in life, both her brothers and her non-blood related sisters. She saw the opportunity and she took it, and she was only able to take it because I let it happen. And I really should be happy because she's happy, because her brothers (two very good, very close friends of mine by the way) are happy, and most of all, because those incredibly fine young women are happy. But what about me? I must say it's been one heck of an incredibly bittersweet period of time for me lately. Everyone just seems so happy, and I'm happy that they're happy, but I'm miserable because of it, and that right there is not so happy..... I can't help but sometimes be angry at Teagan and her brothers, and even in some cases the other girls as well for it all. But that's just being overly emotional I guess. I do feel really terrible about it, and I wish things didn't have to be this way so that I couldn't feel this way, and that in turn they couldn't feel that way about me. I guess you can't really blame me for getting that way though, but the reality of it all is that it isn't any of their faults, and they don't deserve to have this anger directed towards them. If anyone deserves to have anyone's brunt of negative feelings thrown at him, it should be me. And without a doubt, if there's anyone in the world who has had by and far the most anger tossed upon them by me, it is most assuredly myself and myself alone.

Which also brings me to my next point: just how much longer is this going to keep happening to me? Why does it seem like every single time I've had reason to believe, it always ends this way? I've probably been told more than any other guy in life that "you're a really nice guy Nate, you're really great, but you're just not the right one for me" or "I really like you a lot, I just don't feel ready to get in a serious relationship with anyone right now." And the worst of that latter is that both times I've been told that, interest has been shown by those particular girls in other guys really not too much longer after them having said that. Which begs the question, am I really just that pathetic? Is every guy out there better for every girl out there than I am? What is it exactly that women just don't seem to like about me? Or am I just the most unlucky, most missfortunate guy in existence and the good lord just doesn't want me to be to be with anyone? Or better yet, why do I fail so epically at life? Why did god make me so stupid and why can't I ever do anything right? I mean you don't just meet people as marvelous as Teagan, Julie and Marie every day. I honestly don't think I ever will meet anyone quite like any of them ever again. Most certainly not anyone as perfect for me as Marie is, that's for sure. I don't know why it is, but for some reason I feel more capable, more extroverted and just all around more compatible with her than I do anyone else I've ever met. I don't think I've ever hit it off with anyone quite like I have with Marie. And I'm not entirely sure that I ever will. And if this is my best and my best apparently isn't good enough, that there's still a guy out there who's better than I am nonetheless, then really, how pathetic am I that I still epically fail nonetheless?

Of course this isn't the only issue I'm being overloaded with right now. Though quite obviously, it is the one I think about the most, that's for sure. Other issues include me taking Calc 1 from an instructor who teaches it in a way that I swear is impossible to understand I thing that's going on, not to mention he is no help at all in giving us adaquite enough assignments to actually practice the math. He has no schedule for it on the syllabus, he has no actual assigned problems, he just says "just do all the odd ones." And it's been very, very difficult for me to practice this stuff via homework as a result. And now I am failing the class pretty badly, and am not sure if I can pull at least a D- or better out of it. Which is very bad for my financial aid standing. Failing the class would be about the same for it as dropping it for a W, only it wouldn't hurt my GPA if I did the latter. And I know I have a very willing tutor to help me with this stuff (she knows who she is ;) ) as she promised earlier in the semester and I am very greatful for that. I just haven't been very willing to ask her to help me is all. Partially out of stubbornness, but also out of the fact that, to tell you the honest truth, I just kind of have this personal issue with actual friends helping me out with homework. It's nothing against anyone or anything, it's just something I kind of have a hard time feeling adaquite with it is all.

Then there's the fact that, as it would seem, Dr. Root feels like he has enough confidence in my capabilities that he thinks I can handle lead trombone in symphonic band. At first that was actually one of the things I felt like was going my way and that I was looking forward to with much anticipation. And most times, I have to say, it is kinda cool and I enjoy it quite a bit. Other times I struggle enough with it and feel burdened enough by it that I wonder why on earth he put me up here instead of Linda or Matt, who are both way better than I am anyways. That solo on Rhapsody in Blue I wish sometimes he'd just pass on to one of those two instead of make me have to deal with it. It's not a hard solo, it's just that he wants it done in a very specific way, and I'm not sure if I can do it the way he wants me to. He's even trying to get me into his office so he can work with me on it, and its not something I particularly want to deal with doing. I guess at least I don't have to run sectionals, which is a plus. But other than that, I just don't know sometimes.......

I guess in the end, all I can really do about any of this is let life run it's natural course, even if it doesn't go the way I want it to. Which is a very, incredibly hard thing to do when you're as concerned with and worried about it all as I am. Mostly just because I want nothing more than for it to turn out the way I want it too. And I honestly can't help but feel like a massive failure at life who can't do anything right if it doesn't. But in the end, it really, honestly is all you can do about it. It's not going to be very easy to do, and it will take a very, very long time. Stuff like this just doesn't go away overnight, especially those said particular feelings, whether they be of love for a certain particular incredible individual or of failure, regret, anger, and lack of appreciation for the self. But, whatever will be will be I guess.

Top 25 favorite albums of the decade.

2009-12-28T23:40:00.000-08:00

We had a thread like this in one of the forums I post in, and I decided I'm going to post my list on my blog here. It counts down from 25 to 1 like any good best of list should. 8-) I won't go into detail to describe each of them though, considering there's, you know, 25 of them and all..... ;) Would love to have though, but seeing as how I just barely had the idea of maybe doing what JayGee's doing over on ArizUtaku with the top anime of the decade, it's probably too late for that...... Ah well, maybe I'll go more in depth with them if I can ever get that music thing running on this blog again......

25. Bleed American - Jimmy Eat World (2001)
24. Age of Winters - The Sword (2006)
23. Runnin' Wild - Airbourne (2008)
22. Get Born - Jet (2003)
21. Elephant - The White Stripes (2003)
20. The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance - (2006)
19. Come What(ever) May - Stone Sour (2006)
18. Break the Cycle - Staind (2001)
17. American Idiot - Green Day (2004)
16. Vol. 3 (The Subliminal Verses) - Slipknot (2004)
15. Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace - Foo Fighters (2007)
14. Stiff Upper Lip - AC/DC (2000)
13. How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb - U2 (2004)
12. Heathen Chemistry - Oasis (2002)
11. The Sickness - Disturbed (2000)
10. Toxicity - System of a Down (2001)
9. Meteora - Linkin Park (2003)
8. Sonic Firestorm - Dragonforce (2004)
7. Absolution - Muse (2003)
6. Carnavas - Silversun Pickups (2006)
5. Into the Wild Soundtrack - Eddie Vedder (2007)
4. Mer De Nomes - A Perfect Circle (2000)
3. Lost Dogs - Pearl Jam (2003)
2. Lateralus - Tool (2001)
1. Kid A - Radiohead (2000)

To this be the end of For Your Listening Pleasure. ;_;

2009-12-16T17:50:00.000-08:00

Yes Takezo, unfortunately it is indeed true. ;_;

Some might have already noticed by now, and I for one just barely noticed today, that apparently there have been adds for My Space music in place of the IMEEM music player. Basically what seems to have happened is that IMEEM no longer exists and is now suggesting on it's old HTML to give a try to My Space music. In which case, unless I can figure out a different medium by which to post music up on here, this may very well end up being the end of my For Your Listening Pleasure feature. Which, as the avid music lover that I am, saddens me quite a bit, as I really would love to post more about the music I love and give you all a taste of it. ;_;

I'll probably try to see if I can make something else of it though. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do in place of it, but I really would love to keep on doing it in some way, shape or form anyways.

A more lighthearted look inside BroEl's head. :)

2009-12-13T21:08:00.000-08:00

I mostly got this idea from a friend of mine over on her blog and decided it sounded like not too bad an idea to give some thought too. So let's see if I can actually make this work, heh heh. ^_^'

20 things I love in life (in no particular order):

1. Anime/Manga
2. Graphic Novels
3. Well drawn art
4. Playing in the band
5. Hanging out with band people
6. The band hall
7. Good friends
8. Family
9. Knowing that I'm loved
10. Rock music
11. Music in general
12. Growing my hair out, no matter what length
13. Writing
14. Movies
15. Gaming/RPGing, especially when it's with good friends :)
16. Eating good food
17. Watching a good football or basketball game
18. Sci-Fi/Fantasy type stuff
19. Waisting time on the internet
20. Cute animals! ^_^

Well, at least I tried anyways, heh heh. ^_^'

Death, doom, distruction and chaos!!! >:-3 Or things of the sort.....

2009-12-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

Well it would appear that as of today, my time is no longer occupied by the dread of what we all know of as school. Finals are done, classes ended last week, and for about three and a half weeks I've got nothing to do but go around causing all sorts of trouble!! >:-3 Or at least I'd like to think so anyways......

Other than the obvious holidays I don't really have much on tap for the break, which is pretty typical for most any times I have off of school. Mostly just sleep, messing around on the computer, hanging out with friends when invited to do such, and lots of anime I need to watch. Which is where I suppose I'll start off. Amongst the truckload of anime and manga my friend dumped on my head just before leaving to join the military, a series i've been meaning to watch for some time now called Ergo Proxy is one of them. I've actually had enough time this week to get through about 8 episodes of it so far, and I'm already quite impressed. You'll probably hear more about my thoughts on it over on ArizUtaku sometime after I finish it, and probably even on Facebook with what I've decided is going to be my traditional note on the best of anime for the year. I've also decided to start up on yet another series I've been wanting to watch for some time now via bit torrent download (for now of course, until I decide to purchase it legally) called Planets. From what I've heard of it, it really sounds like something I'd just fall head over heals for. Also on tap, if I have enough time that is, is probably going to be me working on finally seeing past episode one of Eve no Jikan, which should be easy enough considering it's only 6 episodes long at 15 minutes each. Finishing the last 5 episodes of Monster is also something I've been meaning to do for a while now (yeah, my status on that series hasn't changed from the last time I mentioned it in this blog unfortunately.... ;_; ) but we'll see. In some ways, considering it's licensed now, I've actually thought about just finishing it via DVDs or it's airtime on SyFy, but we'll see.

The holiday season is probably going to be one of the more humbling ones this year though. Christmas and New Years is always my favorite holidays/general time of the year, just simply because it's a time which seems to have this really great feeling about it like no other. It's just a really relaxing time of the year where there are all sorts of beautiful decorations and lights, peacful and relaxing music, and just all around good feelings. There are those parts that I don't like about if of course, mostly because this time of year also tends to bring out the worst in people as much as it does bring out the best in them. It's also very stressful to have to go through all the trouble getting all those pretty decorations and lights up, as well as budget out certain finances for the much less important gift giving aspects of it. This year I think I might enjoy more than most years though simply based off the fact that I am going to pretty much have to focus on all those more positive aspects of it that make me love it so much. I unfortunately never have enough money any year of Christmas to get into the more gift giving part of it, which is something I think is such a terrible travesty that I don't get that opportunity very much. But even in the gift recieving department, not quite as important to me as to participate in giving them but still somewhat enjoyable in it's own right, will be very, very humble this year, seeing as how our family is pretty dry on the finances as well. That and I've decided that this year I'm kind of not really seeming nearly as much into the season as I typically tend to be, which has left me not really having much of a desire to go and put up all of our pretty Christmas stuff. Which pretty much means that if I don't do it, it at least will not get put up for a while, and even then we probably won't have any roof lights this year. But as I've said, none of that really matters as much as it sometimes is made out to be believed to be. I always enjoy the part of Christmas that I enjoy so much no matter what, and this year I'll have mostly that to just sit back and enjoy.

So that pretty much wraps most of what my break will be like. Everything else in the life of BroEl is mostly pretty much similar to what I've posted about before, and grades are yet to come out, so I'll probably be around with another post when next semester starts up again to talk more about all of that. But for now I am off to thrive in the grandness of doing absolutely nothing. 8-)

For Your Listening Pleasure/thoughts on the band and album: Lateralus by Tool

2009-11-23T20:51:00.000-08:00

Considering I could go on all day about how incredible I think this band is as well as this album, I'm going to sort of combine a "For Your Listening Pleasure" post with those same thoughts on how incredible I think they are.

Pretty much if you ask anyone who's well enough versed in the realm of rock music to know who these guys are (and it's not that hard, considering they actually are a pretty fairly well known band in the first place) they'll tell you at the very basic level that they are by and far the weirdest band you'll ever hear of, but that they also make absolutely amazing music as well. And at the very basic level, they'd be right. But in fact it's because they're such a weird band that makes them such the mind-blowing geniuses that they are. Tool has always been a band that has just poured all kinds of innovative, artistic creativity into pretty much everything they do, especially in their ability to create such an amazing prog-metal/art rock sound in a way as if they are actually composing their music out like an actual musical piece rather than just writing yet another typical verse-chorus-verse styled song. And the result (at least from Aenema onward anyways) has always turned out to be nothing less than a pure masterpiece.

Lateralus is certainly no exception. This essentially was the album that first introduced me to Tool, or at least a few of the songs that are on it were anyways. And it was quite literally unlike anything I had ever heard before. It is to my very honest opinion that, as almost equally incredible as both Aenema and they're most recent 10,000 Days are, that this album is without a doubt Tool at their very best. And quite frankly, I also honestly believe it to be one of the best, if not the best album of all time. Not only because of the sheer innovation in musical quality, but also because of it's innovation in all around artistic and intellectual quality as well. Pretty much the main theme by which Tool lives and dies and is always trying to convey to their listeners is the idea of thinking for yourself, analyzing and questioning everything in life with an open mind and using that open mind to reach deep inside yourself and, in the words of lead singer Maynard-James Kennan at the end of each of their live concerts, "create something positive." And never before have they accentuated that ideal the way they do with this album.

Probably the only thing I would criticize this album for would be the only track on here that comes anywhere near resembling anything of a throwaway track, and that would be one of the angrier sounding songs in the post Aenema era in Ticks and Leeches. When Maynard's voice isn't sounding as heavenly and almost downright angelic as it does for being a heavy rock music singers' voice, it does tend to get quite aggressive sounding and at sometimes even degenerates into screamo mode, which he does for basically most of this song. But that is more than made up for by having some of Danny Carry's finest drumming (who is, in my opinion, one of the best drummers of all time), as well as your same old amazing sounding musicianship from guitarist Adam Jones and bassist Justin Chancellor (who is also in my opinion one of the best bass guitarists of all time). There are also a couple of sound effect tracks on this album in which Tool is actually very, very well known for (which reminds me, you have to wait like, 2 minutes before you get to hear the very final track on this album by the way), but is definitely an improvement from how overbearing they can get with it sometimes (which essentially is the only problem I'd say I had with Aenema...... ).

Also, I can't talk about this album without mentioning it's title track somewhere within the discussion. It stands alone as probably my favorite song of all time. Mostly because of what I mentioned before about how this album accentuates those very ideals I mentioned before; it is accentuated by and far moreso in this song than in any others. And in such a very, very inspiring way as well. This essentially was the song that blew me away in so many ways when I first heard it that if I hadn't acknowledged Tool as one of the most amazing bands of all time by then, I had after I heard that song. It invigorates you in such a way that one can't help but go out and take Maynard's advice to use those thoughts and feelings to "create something positive" after having listened to it.

Unfortunately I'm not sure one can get the best experience possible out of this album by listening to my IMEEM playlist of it because of how some of these tracks connect together and how the player seems to cut off between tracks. But if this intrigues anyone to any degree, I don't even have to mention the fact that I would without any doubt suggest going out and purchasing this album, and maybe even a few other Tool albums (post Aenema anyways) as well.

You know how the old saying goes......

2009-11-16T22:35:00.000-08:00

I found it really interesting today that we were discussing in our communications class something I was actually thinking about quite a bit earlier this morning. It was about how when it comes do developing a relationship with people, that in a lot of cases some people need someone completely opposite of themselves in order to make a relationship work.

Basically I'm thinking about this in the sense of someone who's very much an introvert, kind of like myself actually. If you find someone else who's just as introverted as you, you're not going to be able to communicate or connect very well because you're both not quite as willing to open up to each other as you probably should be. Which I really think is a travesty, because I think that two introverted people can probably understand how each other feels more than anyone else can, because they're both very similar in a lot of ways that not a lot of other people in society really are. But if two people are going to be able to connect on any sort of level then you kind of have to be able to communicate with each other somehow. And if you get two introverts together that aren't so skilled at that sort of thing, it's just not going to happen.

I would know honestly, being as introverted as I am. The honest truth of things is that when it comes to communication, I will admit I do rely very heavily on the other person to carry on a conversation. That's just kind of how I am. But I have noticed in my experiences with trying to communicate with other introverted people, sometimes my conversations with them don't really go anywhere. I can sort of communicate with them, sometimes in some pretty fairly good conversations actually. But a lot of the time I find myself in a ton of those akward silence situations, probably moreso than not. Heck, I won't even deny that happens with people who do have the better conversational skills to carry on a conversation sometimes.

It is kind of sad though. Typically the kind of girl I've seemed to like the most in the past have been the more introverted ones, I think mostly because I feel like I can connect with them on a level I can't seem to otherwise because I can understand how they feel more. And I feel I have more in common with them because they're just like me. But at the same time I do wonder if that's the reason why I'm so pathetic when it comes to having the capability to get into a relationship with people, because that seems to be the only kind of girl I ever find myself to be interested in that way.

Crazy random linkage.

2009-10-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I relived this video a friend of mine showed me about a week ago. It is seriously one of the oddest, most tripped out and all around random videos you will ever see. I was personally rolling with laughter, but then again this kind of odd random humor is actually one of my main favorite forms of humor. Others actually may find themselves kind of a bit frightened by this thing..... ^_^' But I just can't help but post it though. It's just too darn special in it's own little way not to! XD

Kūchū Buranko (Trapeze) episode 1 review (ArizUtaku)

2009-10-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

My thoughts on the first episode of Kūchū Buranko (translated into english as "Trapeze") are now posted up and can be found here for those who want to read them.

For Your Listening Pleasure: The best of Primus

2009-10-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

New playlist this time around is basically off of Primus' best of album "They Can't All Be Zingers." This is essentially the album that introduced me to Primus and I've been listening to them a ton ever since. I must say I'm really, really impressed by this band. Of course they're most famously known for Les Claypool's out of this world bass guitar skills, but just as much as that I'm also impressed by both the guitar player and especially the drummer. Dang good stuff.

Apparently I'm a nice guy.......

2009-10-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

I had kind of a reasuring experience in my math class today. There's this one girl who typically sits next to me in that class who also on the other side of her typically has this other guy who sits next to her that she usually likes to talk to a lot. She does talk to me sometimes, but she's a lot more..... friendly, so to speak with the other guy.

Well today that guy was sitting somewhere else in the room, so she was kind of left to sit next to just me. So naturally she was talking to me a lot more than she usually does. Mostly just along the lines of class related stuff, what we were learning/taking notes about, upcoming tests/assignments and whatnot. And I guess I was kind of helpful to her as we were talking about the material. I did however offer her my sheet that listed the next assignment that was due that we got at the beginning of the class though. She showed up pretty late, and there was a pile of those sheets up on the front table anyways, so I was just going to take one from that.

But anyways, at one point in the middle of the class she told me that she thought I was a pretty nice guy, a heck of a lot nicer than that other guy at least, who she said she thought was a complete jerk. I must say, that really made my day when she said that. 8-) Of course I persnally don't think she's really my type or anything like that, but it was still a pretty awesome moment for me nonetheless. 8-)

Fairy Tail episode 1 review (ArizUtaku)

2009-10-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

My thoughts on the first episode of Fairy Tail are now up and can be viewed here. I'll also be posting my thoughts on the first episode of Kuuchuu Buuranko sometime this week as well, so be on the lookout for that.

Stormtroopers' 9/11 slash All Apologies part 2.......

2009-10-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'd like to (once again..... >.> ) appologize for not posting much on here. I've had plenty of great post ideas in the past, I just think that for most of them it was more of a spur of the moment happening in my life that I was either thinking about more deeply or really, really stressed out about it during the general time period in which it happened that quite frankly, I just didn't really feel like posting it like, days after it happened, since I wasn't able to post about it during that general time period. Just know that I am doing my best here and rest assured there will be more interesting posts to come.

In any case, one of my facebook friends posted this up on his wall earlier today and I got a real good laugh at it. I'm sure you will too.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

For Your Listening Pleasure - Backspacer by Pearl Jam

2009-09-29T22:36:00.000-07:00

If you look over to your right you will notice that I've added an IMEEM playlist to the blog. That is because I've decided to go ahead and try out an idea I got from Matt over on ArizUtaku. Not entirely sure how often I'll update it with a new playlist, but I'd definitely love to try and give this a shot.

Playlist for this week will be the brand new Pearl Jam album, Backspacer. PJ has been my all time favorite band for some time now, so naturally this is something to be very excited about for me. I've only gotten the chance to hear just a few songs off of this album though, but from what I have heard it's not bad. I guess I can also sort of say I'm putting it up as a tribute to the fact that they had a concert out in West Valley just last night that I regrettably didn't go see, even though I've been waiting forever for them to come through Utah sometime... ;_;

9 Review (ArizUtaku)

2009-09-24T13:55:00.000-07:00

I was actually kind of wondering whether or not it'd be worth it to post links to my reviews over on ArizUtaku considering the link to the site is right over on the side bar, but then I figured I guess it'd be nice to let you all know which reviews are mine since, you know, it doesn't really say who it was that wrote them.... ^_^'

In any case, my review for 9 is now up over there for those who want to check it out. Really wish I could have gotten around to it sooner considering I saw it more than a week ago but hey, that's how crazy life can get I suppose. Anyways, here's a link for y'all: Cliky.

You Labeled Me, I'll Label You.

2009-09-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

This is an issue I personally feel pretty fairly strong about. And I'll tell you why; I've always been one who makes friends far more so with people as individuals rather than people in particular groups. I've never really fit in with anyone's "cliques," "friends groups," or "social labels," or anything else you want to call it. I just make friends with whoever pretty much, so long as I feel like they're good people. Even though without a doubt, given my personal interests, the general kind of person that I am, and the majority of my friends, if one had to label me under anything in particular it would definitely be with the geeks, the fact of the matter is that even then there's still a whole lot about me and my personal interests that doesn't quite fit into the typical geek steriotype. But that's just kind of how I am, I've always been one to avoid limiting myself to what a particular social label or whatever "defines" about me. I've always been my own person. Simply put, I've always liked whatever I wanted to like, I've always liked whoever I want to like, and not really cared about what everyone else thought about it, whether I was too geeky for them or too much of an "in" person for them. Because that sort of thing has never mattered at all to me.

Problem is it hasn't really always been that way. I've always been the "not fitting into any one particular social label" person that I am, yes. But way back when I wasn't quite as confident about it as I am today. Because of me going about things the way I do in that sense I've always been somewhat of a loner, not being able to "fit in" with anyone in particular. And back then I used to think that there was something seriously wrong with me because of it, and unfortunately it's caused me much more social tragedy and drama than I ever would have liked to have. But you know something? Over the years that's become something I've been able to embrace about myself for who I am and have kind of garnered the attitude that if other people can't do the same, then forget them. And that's really something I feel like more people out there should have the courage to do. Because even if you may not have really all that many friends, fact of the matter is if you have ones that are the truest and deepest of friends, then that's all you really need. And those true friends of yours are going to be the people who do indeed have that capacity to accept you for who you are, whether you fit their preferred social label or not. Same thing applies to finding a significant other as well.

Pretty much the overall point I'm trying to get at here is that sometimes, I really think too many people out there limit themselves far too much to what other people label them as, that in all honesty, they miss out on all sorts of opportunities out there. Opportunities for the kinds of wonderful people they could become friends/significant others with, for what certain personal interests/hobbies they could end up loving more than anything else in the world, and probably more than anything, their abilities to expand their horizons and become better, more knowledgeable people. But I suppose there's just something about being able to "fit in" at least somewhere, anywhere, that people feel the obligation to do so. And the sad thing is that because of that, they don't allow themselves to do all those things I mentioned, because they're afraid they won't "fit in" with anyone. Being a self proclaimed geek myself (if you haven't noticed already :P ), one of the things I have the deepest respects and admirations for in the sense of social labels are indeed those self proclaimed geeks who are proud to be so and show it. It shows a great deal of self confidence and ability to not care what others think, considering how "uncool" or "out of the social norm" it is to be a geek. But even then, considering that to be a geek is indeed a social label in and of itself, I say why limit yourself to just that? Why not be proud to not only be a geek, but to be who you are in all other aspects of your persona as well? I guess with that said one could say that I am proud to be a loner; one who doesn't fit in with the limits of social labels. One who just goes out and is who he wants to be and doesn't care what everyone else has to say about it.

All Apologies....

2009-09-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

BrothersElric is embarrassed about his lack of posting, can you tell?

Gal, I swear it's been next to impossible for me to get on nearly enough to do any bloging over the last little while or so..... Wednesday I got on just barely enough to finish my last post I had saved that I didn't finish from earlier that day, Thursday and Friday are typically my two role playing days with my friends so naturally I was preoccupied that day, just longer than usual is all, Saturday I had lawn mowing, figuring out what the crap was wrong with our lawn mower, then like, an hour or so on the computer before heading off for the marching band game, yesterday was one of those Sundays where I couldn't get on the computer, and today I'm just barely able to get this blog post in right before family home evening........ And the onslaught isn't over yet, as tomorrow I've got the Weber State Marching Band Review that I'm helping out at and everything...... Just absolutely crazy..... So with that said I have no idea when I'll ever get around to making a decent blog post over here..... I do have a ton of good things to post about though, so hopefully I'll be able to eventually FINALLY get around to posting them. Hopefully..... I promise that I'll really, really try to make it happen though.

Current happenings in the life of BroEl‏

2009-09-16T22:08:00.000-07:00

I was actually going to make a post similar to this one over on ArizUtaku back when school started back up again, but I figured when I decided I was going to create this blog that I was going to save it for here, since I'll be doing much more of that sort of thing on this blog.

Well life is pretty much just your typical standard everyday happenings of events. Mostly just dealing with school and homework and such, balancing that with my marching/symphonic band schedules. I'm of course not working right now, partly due to the fact that I'm not really wanting to have to juggle school and work at the same time unless I absolutely have to, but the other part is just simply that I both a) don't get out to find work NEARLY as much as I'd like to and b) finding work comes pretty hard in the first place. Plus that and this past summer has really been full of certain happenings that have been occupying my mind that we won't go into too much detail as to what they are...... So unfortunately, even though I was hoping to do that over the summer, I still find myself sadly unemployed. But the search continues I suppose.

School has been really great so far though. Aside from the symphonic/marchng bands, my other three accademic classes I'm taking this semester are Interpersonal & Small Group Communication, Math 1080 (Pre-Calculus), and a Library Science computer class that I have no clue what it's called, but I need to take to complete my computer litteracy general ed requirements. I think so far my favorite class has to be the communication class. We've been learning a whole lot about some really interesting things in the sense of the different forms of communication we all participate in, and I'm actually really liking the group aspect of it. Mostly just because I sometimes find it much easier to do certain assignments and tests as a group, but also because it gives me a chance to interact with my fellow students more and thus have a chance to meet new people, which of course I'm always up for. We just barely got put into our assigned groups for the rest of the semester today so I haven't really gotten that much of a chance to get to know people as well as I would like, but I can already tell from this group I was assigned to today that I'm really going to enjoy being in it. Then there's math, which of course is math, pretty much. Kind of a stressful class as you would immagine it would be, especially since it's the first class in a long while I've had to take every single school day. But I think I'm handling it quite well. The library science one is probably my least favorite though. Kind of an easy class, and we'll be done with it by mid-October since it's what's called a "block class," but in all honesty I was kind of expecting this to be a class more centered around just simply searching through the school library's databases, and so far it's turned out to be a bit more than that. Sometimes I swear I almost feel like she's actually trying to get us to write an actual research paper.......

And then of course there's band, which is always fun. We're yet to have our first home game of the season so there really hasn't been much yet, but I'm quite looking forward to the season. Band camp was really tough as it always is, but this year seemed especially so. They're really doing a great job of working us a lot harder and I feel like we're accomplishing much more than we've seemed to typically do in the past. We did already have our first (and only so far) on-field performance last saturday, and from what I hear it's probably one of, if not the, best ones we've ever done. So tallent wise I'd say we're doing pretty well. Size wise however has been quite the dissapointment. We had these expectations and predictions that our band was supposed to be 100+ members this year, but instead we're more like 40-50 or so, which is about 10-12 or so smaller than we were last year even. Still, it's been really fun, and hardly a disappointment at all for the actual people that are in it this year. We already had a blast together back on saturday, and I'm looking forward to how much fun the rest of the season is going to be with these guys. Especially with how good our football team is going to be this year. They've already been incredibly impressive in two very close losses to FBS opponents, and judging from the fact that all our returning starters from last year's awesome team are back this year, we might even have a chance to go all the way.

My social life has been kind of so-so I guess. Been hanging out with Peter, my best bud since the 4th grade, a whole lot lately. It'd been a few years since I'd seen him as well before he invited me and a few other people we know to go see the midnight showing of Watchmen with me back in March, and also when he friended me on Facebook back in January, and since about then we've been hanging out a whole lot, which I really enjoy. Add onto that the fact that I've both been reconnected with a good friend of mine from back during my freshman year of college and am making really good friends with some of his good friends and family, as well as the fact that just today I got to hang out with my cousin who I haven't seen in like, 4-5 years and her fiance, and of course not to mention all the friends I'm making in the band program, I'd say life is pretty good. Definitely much better than it was when absolutely no one was around to hang out with a few years back....... (as much as I love all my good friends from the forums :) )

Anime and Manga has been kind of tough to come by lately though. Mostly because of all that I've been busy with and all that has preoccupied my mind lately. I've fallen quite a bit behind on my manga reading for one, so I'm definitely going to have to be doing some catch up pretty soon here. I've got tons of anime sitting on my shelf that Matt has sent to me, and I hope to get around to watching them sometime, but so far all I've really had time for is the 74 episode masterpiece of a suspenseful thriller known as Monster (which is the series where the picture I'm using for this site comes from. Quite fitting if I do say so myself. ;) ). I was hoping to finish it before marching band camp started up, but unfortunately I only got to somewhere in the late 50s before then. Since then I've only been able to work my way up to episode 68, which is where I stand now. But it has just been one of the most awesome experiences I've ever had watching an anime before. Not only does it continuously keep you on the edge of your seat dying to know what happens next (as much as a 74 episode series possibly can anyways) with all sorts of crazy plot twists all over the place, and not only is it very emotionally gripping as well, but the storyline is one of the most geniously constructed ones I've ever seen, albeit a bit draggy at times. Hopefully I'll be able to finish it out sometime soon so I can go ahead and write up a full-on review of it over on ArizUtaku for you guys.

So, that's pretty much how my life stands for me at this point. In the meantime, enjoy this stick figure's random killing of people.

And so it begins....

2009-09-15T20:29:00.000-07:00

Well, after about a little more than a year posting with my good friend Matt over on our blog ArizUtaku (a link can be found on the sidebar) I have now officially decided to set out to do what I was hoping for when I first decided to start posting over there in the first place: create my own personal blog.

Be Afraid!! Be very afraid!!

Pretty much what you can expect to me do over here is basically just writing about stuff like life related things, random things that I find amusing, ect. But probably more than anything the weight of what I'll be doing the most is writing about certain thoughts, feelings and opinions on certain things that I have. Hence the name of the blog. The "geeky loner" part comes from the fact that, as you will probably come to find for yourself (if you haven't already ^_^' ) that I am indeed a geek with all sorts of typical geeky interests. What you'll also probably come to find about myself is just how sad and pathetic my life is, hence the loner part. :P I'll also be keeping you up to date with a lot of the things I'll be posting over on ArizUtaku, mostly just reviews and such, kind of like what Matt does with his fightbait and Manga Village reviews.

I'm really looking forward to seeing how this thing will turn out for me and how things will develop in the future. Hopefully I can get some good followers and some good discussions going over here, and I hope you all will enjoy it thoroughly.