So, being the big Radiohead nut that I am and all, I eventually had to go and pick up what is critically acclaimed as one of their best albums, The Bends, a few weeks ago after having been previously directed away from it. And while it's still not quite on the same innovative level as it's follow ups OK Computer (1997) and Kid A (2000) it's still one of the band's truest testaments to Thom Yorke's songwriting genius and in my opinion their second best album (Kid A I recognize musically as a masterpiece in melodic innovation, it's just a musical style not quite liking to my personal tastes). And as an album loaded to the brim with introspectiveness, it's hard naturally for me not to be able to identify with most of it's songs. Probably none more than High and Dry, which really hit home for me more than any other one of the band's songs. Not just lyrically, but there's just something about the melodics of this song as well that played a huge part making the lyrics just as powerful. Enough so that it almost feels like a disservice to post just the lyrics here instead of the actual song itself. And if I had a way of doing so I would. So considering the fact that I don't, you'll just have to settle for the lyrics here and maybe type it into YouTube or something if you want to hear the song as well.
High and Dry
Two jumps in a week
I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy?
Flying on your motorcycle,
Watching all the ground beneath you drop
You'd kill yourself for recognition,
Kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror,
You're turning into something you are not
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Drying up in conversation,
You will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces,
You just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you
When you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you,
You will be the one screaming out
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
It's the best thing that you ever had,
The best thing that you ever, ever had
It's the best thing that you ever had,
The best thing you ever had has gone away
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
As the seasons change, so to does life.
Well as it would seem school is back in session again. And with the start of a new semester also comes the end of the heat and the excitement of summer, ushering in the eventual cooler temperatures and busier days of the fall and winter. Only, maybe not all that much more busy than I was in the summer.....
I suppose you could say life isn't really all that different now that it was then. Only difference really is that I'm in school instead of working at the D.I.. Hours are about the same, only now I've got homework and studying and everything of the sort to worry about now. But I suppose it's better than going out and wearing myself out everyday, dealing with mostly people I don't like (with the exception of a few I got along well enough with) and only getting payed $7.25 an hour for 8 hours a day of all that, heh heh. It's definitely crossed my mind getting a part time job in the evenings with Saturdays off, the latter of which of course prevented me from doing such with the D.I. during the school year (we're all required to work Saturdays). I guess it's not too much to be keeping my eyes out for opportunities, but for now just focusing on my studies, doing what I love (band) and keeping up with my hobbies will do. I may just wait until next summer to find more employment, but if anything comes along I'm not too against looking into it.
It's kind of an interesting semester this time around, the likes of which I've never really had before. Aside from marching and symphonic bands the only other physically real class I have is Calculus, which by the way is definitely making MUCH more sense than it did last semester. Having a teacher that actually makes sense when she teaches the material to you and having an actual homework format this time around, along with the fact that I'm taking with me what I did learn last semester into it all really makes a huge difference. Outside of that my other two classes are online, those being Intro to Programing via Java and Network Fundamentals and Design. In a way I can't help but think things would be much more convenient in a physical classroom setting because of the better interaction you have with your professor and classmates, but I seem to be handling it just fine. It does have it's own conveniences, like how you can listen to the lectures on your own time, therefore making it all fresh in your mind when you take a quiz or test or have to do an assignment.
Band of course is always something to look forward to. As far as fall semester is concerned marching band more specifically. I'm really liking the group we have this year. If we weren't wild and crazy enough the last two years this year almost seems to be two fold that. I'm having as much fun and getting along with as much people as I ever have in band and then some. Really looking forward to when we start playing games and when we go on this that we were promised this year. I can't even comprehend how much of a blast that's going to be with this group...... XD Talent wise we also seem to be as good as we ever were, only this time we're twice as big as we were last year at about 80-something people, which is probably the biggest one I've ever been in. It's been a great year so far in these first few weeks, and I'm really looking forward to how great the rest of the year will be as well. Also feeling a lot more comfortable playing 2nd trombone in symphonic band as well as apposed to playing lead last semester. I never really like to be stuck on third, but I think lead is just way too much pressure for me. Hopefully Dr. Root will be understanding of this from now on, but considering my history with him, probably not, heh heh.
As far as hobbies go Anime has kind of shockingly taken a bit of a backseat for me as of late. I know there's a vast sea of anime out there for me to delve into and all, meaning if there's a bunch of crap for me to leave completely alone there's also a ton of greatness out there for me to explore more deeply as well. Thing is after my attempts this past summer to find more of that greatness I think I left disappointed enough that it's been hard for me to really get enthusiastic about it again. Chevalier, though I understand it to be extraordinarily enthralling in it's later episodes got so dull in the first 12 episodes that it was really hard for me to be inspired enough to keep following it. I'll probably pick it up again later sometime like I have with other series I've had this experience with and ended up absolutely adoring, but right now I kind of just have a "meh" attitude about it. Kemmonozume was really underwhelming for a Masaki Yuasa series, and not even for the same reasons as some of his works have been in the past. Surprisingly enough it was for the things in which I've always known him to be so incredibly talented with in the past. As was Tatami Galaxy come to think of it, but I ended up liking that one enough to be the only series over both spring and summer seasons I ended up having much of a desire to follow all the way to the end. With all of that said I have to say that this is the first summer where I didn't get so overly obsessed with a series that was so good it ended up amongst some of my top favorites in at least 4 years or so. I did end up having that experience with Mind Game actually, as it ended up as not only my favorite anime film of all time, but probably somewhere in my top favorite anime of all time. But seeing as how it's a movie and all, I only got to have it for 2 hours rather than over a stretched out period of time. Which kind of prevented me from actually being obsessed with it. On another bright side I picked up some of Osamu Tezuka's works and do plan on getting more into them soon. Time constraints as well as my recent anime limbo have kind of prevented me from reading MW very often, but I've really liked what I've read of it so far. Hopefully it's later half as well as Ode to Kirihito will end up helping to give me that step up I need. I also think I need to find the right anime series as well. Time of Eve (which for some reason I've STILL neglected to get around to watching....), my eventually getting past episode 6 of Durarara!! and eventually finishing Monster as well as the highly anticipated new Yoshitoshi ABe series Despera are all very likely candidates to doing such for me. Whatever happens with that though, let us pray that it happens soon.......
In the meantime I've shown more of an increased interest in films and music. Probably far more so the later than the former, but I have been starting to keep a log of films out there I need to see. Especially now that my constantly decreasing filter for R-rated movies over the last while or so has finally seemed to have hit it's mark to where the filter no longer exists. I've just taken notice as of late that I seem to have more of a passion for watching and critiquing/analyzing films and music more than I have most anything else. But for now music has probably been my biggest passion, as I've began looking a lot deeper into a lot of well known bands I've always wanted to and have also begun my journey into looking at more obscure underground bands. Starting of course with the Seattle Grunge scene and the alternative rock of the 90s, which is a great place to start in my opinion. I've noticed that most of my favorite bands came out of that era, with maybe a few from the 60s or 70s as well. I've never really been that big a fan of most of today's artists with maybe the exception of a few. But other than that I've noticed we've been in a bit of a musical limbo in our era...... Kind of makes me wish I had my youth back then instead of now..... So yeah, anyways, as I was saying, I'm hoping to look more into the underground music scene in the future. Our good 'ol pal Hellkorn over in the forums has a ton of things in that aspect he would suggest, I'll probably start looking into a lot of what he's suggested in the past.
Also, I HAVE A LAPTOP NOW!!!! :D Sorry for the mini freak out there but I do believe I am entitled to after how long I've waited to get my hands on one of those....... I will say if nothing else, working at the D.I. especially helped me out with that. Now if I could just get my own wireless internet, or if a wireless network that I could actually successfully log into would crop up around where I live things would be much more convenient then they already are...... Nonetheless though, it's been a really exciting experience having my own computer and not having to worry about what everyone else thinks about my downloading stuff to it or what my desktop backgroud is or whatever. It's even helped me get ever so slightly back into video games via the various emulators I've downloaded for it. My current obsession is with a good 'ol Super NES classic called Earthbound. Like I said above about finding the right thing to get you interested again, so far I'd say Earthbound is probably that game. Just when I thought I've played every great classic RPG out there, this one comes along, which has apparently gotten under my radar somehow..... Nonetheless, I'm excited to keep up with this one.
So once again, there you have it. Not really too much of a change from where I was the last time I made a post like this other than maybe further proof that I am indeed a geeky loner with no life, heh heh. :P But despite being nonexistent, it is all around just good and relaxed for me right now I'd say, and I'm quite enjoying it. Which in that sense I'd say it's a far cry from where it was for me back in the spring. Sometimes it's good to have a good 'ol fassioned break from the things that used to make you worry and be stressed out about as you focus your attention to other things in life that you enjoy and make it worth living for you. I guess it's not that I don't concern myself with those things at all anymore because it's still there in the back of my mind, but it's good not to let it dominate your perspective on things like it did back then. But who knows, maybe even then we'll see where this new approach to things leads me sometime in the future.
I suppose you could say life isn't really all that different now that it was then. Only difference really is that I'm in school instead of working at the D.I.. Hours are about the same, only now I've got homework and studying and everything of the sort to worry about now. But I suppose it's better than going out and wearing myself out everyday, dealing with mostly people I don't like (with the exception of a few I got along well enough with) and only getting payed $7.25 an hour for 8 hours a day of all that, heh heh. It's definitely crossed my mind getting a part time job in the evenings with Saturdays off, the latter of which of course prevented me from doing such with the D.I. during the school year (we're all required to work Saturdays). I guess it's not too much to be keeping my eyes out for opportunities, but for now just focusing on my studies, doing what I love (band) and keeping up with my hobbies will do. I may just wait until next summer to find more employment, but if anything comes along I'm not too against looking into it.
It's kind of an interesting semester this time around, the likes of which I've never really had before. Aside from marching and symphonic bands the only other physically real class I have is Calculus, which by the way is definitely making MUCH more sense than it did last semester. Having a teacher that actually makes sense when she teaches the material to you and having an actual homework format this time around, along with the fact that I'm taking with me what I did learn last semester into it all really makes a huge difference. Outside of that my other two classes are online, those being Intro to Programing via Java and Network Fundamentals and Design. In a way I can't help but think things would be much more convenient in a physical classroom setting because of the better interaction you have with your professor and classmates, but I seem to be handling it just fine. It does have it's own conveniences, like how you can listen to the lectures on your own time, therefore making it all fresh in your mind when you take a quiz or test or have to do an assignment.
Band of course is always something to look forward to. As far as fall semester is concerned marching band more specifically. I'm really liking the group we have this year. If we weren't wild and crazy enough the last two years this year almost seems to be two fold that. I'm having as much fun and getting along with as much people as I ever have in band and then some. Really looking forward to when we start playing games and when we go on this that we were promised this year. I can't even comprehend how much of a blast that's going to be with this group...... XD Talent wise we also seem to be as good as we ever were, only this time we're twice as big as we were last year at about 80-something people, which is probably the biggest one I've ever been in. It's been a great year so far in these first few weeks, and I'm really looking forward to how great the rest of the year will be as well. Also feeling a lot more comfortable playing 2nd trombone in symphonic band as well as apposed to playing lead last semester. I never really like to be stuck on third, but I think lead is just way too much pressure for me. Hopefully Dr. Root will be understanding of this from now on, but considering my history with him, probably not, heh heh.
As far as hobbies go Anime has kind of shockingly taken a bit of a backseat for me as of late. I know there's a vast sea of anime out there for me to delve into and all, meaning if there's a bunch of crap for me to leave completely alone there's also a ton of greatness out there for me to explore more deeply as well. Thing is after my attempts this past summer to find more of that greatness I think I left disappointed enough that it's been hard for me to really get enthusiastic about it again. Chevalier, though I understand it to be extraordinarily enthralling in it's later episodes got so dull in the first 12 episodes that it was really hard for me to be inspired enough to keep following it. I'll probably pick it up again later sometime like I have with other series I've had this experience with and ended up absolutely adoring, but right now I kind of just have a "meh" attitude about it. Kemmonozume was really underwhelming for a Masaki Yuasa series, and not even for the same reasons as some of his works have been in the past. Surprisingly enough it was for the things in which I've always known him to be so incredibly talented with in the past. As was Tatami Galaxy come to think of it, but I ended up liking that one enough to be the only series over both spring and summer seasons I ended up having much of a desire to follow all the way to the end. With all of that said I have to say that this is the first summer where I didn't get so overly obsessed with a series that was so good it ended up amongst some of my top favorites in at least 4 years or so. I did end up having that experience with Mind Game actually, as it ended up as not only my favorite anime film of all time, but probably somewhere in my top favorite anime of all time. But seeing as how it's a movie and all, I only got to have it for 2 hours rather than over a stretched out period of time. Which kind of prevented me from actually being obsessed with it. On another bright side I picked up some of Osamu Tezuka's works and do plan on getting more into them soon. Time constraints as well as my recent anime limbo have kind of prevented me from reading MW very often, but I've really liked what I've read of it so far. Hopefully it's later half as well as Ode to Kirihito will end up helping to give me that step up I need. I also think I need to find the right anime series as well. Time of Eve (which for some reason I've STILL neglected to get around to watching....), my eventually getting past episode 6 of Durarara!! and eventually finishing Monster as well as the highly anticipated new Yoshitoshi ABe series Despera are all very likely candidates to doing such for me. Whatever happens with that though, let us pray that it happens soon.......
In the meantime I've shown more of an increased interest in films and music. Probably far more so the later than the former, but I have been starting to keep a log of films out there I need to see. Especially now that my constantly decreasing filter for R-rated movies over the last while or so has finally seemed to have hit it's mark to where the filter no longer exists. I've just taken notice as of late that I seem to have more of a passion for watching and critiquing/analyzing films and music more than I have most anything else. But for now music has probably been my biggest passion, as I've began looking a lot deeper into a lot of well known bands I've always wanted to and have also begun my journey into looking at more obscure underground bands. Starting of course with the Seattle Grunge scene and the alternative rock of the 90s, which is a great place to start in my opinion. I've noticed that most of my favorite bands came out of that era, with maybe a few from the 60s or 70s as well. I've never really been that big a fan of most of today's artists with maybe the exception of a few. But other than that I've noticed we've been in a bit of a musical limbo in our era...... Kind of makes me wish I had my youth back then instead of now..... So yeah, anyways, as I was saying, I'm hoping to look more into the underground music scene in the future. Our good 'ol pal Hellkorn over in the forums has a ton of things in that aspect he would suggest, I'll probably start looking into a lot of what he's suggested in the past.
Also, I HAVE A LAPTOP NOW!!!! :D Sorry for the mini freak out there but I do believe I am entitled to after how long I've waited to get my hands on one of those....... I will say if nothing else, working at the D.I. especially helped me out with that. Now if I could just get my own wireless internet, or if a wireless network that I could actually successfully log into would crop up around where I live things would be much more convenient then they already are...... Nonetheless though, it's been a really exciting experience having my own computer and not having to worry about what everyone else thinks about my downloading stuff to it or what my desktop backgroud is or whatever. It's even helped me get ever so slightly back into video games via the various emulators I've downloaded for it. My current obsession is with a good 'ol Super NES classic called Earthbound. Like I said above about finding the right thing to get you interested again, so far I'd say Earthbound is probably that game. Just when I thought I've played every great classic RPG out there, this one comes along, which has apparently gotten under my radar somehow..... Nonetheless, I'm excited to keep up with this one.
So once again, there you have it. Not really too much of a change from where I was the last time I made a post like this other than maybe further proof that I am indeed a geeky loner with no life, heh heh. :P But despite being nonexistent, it is all around just good and relaxed for me right now I'd say, and I'm quite enjoying it. Which in that sense I'd say it's a far cry from where it was for me back in the spring. Sometimes it's good to have a good 'ol fassioned break from the things that used to make you worry and be stressed out about as you focus your attention to other things in life that you enjoy and make it worth living for you. I guess it's not that I don't concern myself with those things at all anymore because it's still there in the back of my mind, but it's good not to let it dominate your perspective on things like it did back then. But who knows, maybe even then we'll see where this new approach to things leads me sometime in the future.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Lyrical Musings of the Day: Everything Changes by Staind
Once again I was listening to my iPod when this song came on and the lyrics hit me pretty deep, and once again I reiterate how amazed I am at how well I feel I can relate to a lot of Staind's songs. Really the major reason why they're in my top 10 favorite bands.
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
would it matter anyway?
would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose
the closet you can not close
The devil in you I suppose
'cuz the wounds never heal
But everything changes
if I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
then I could learn to feel
Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real
When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
through this part of the day
Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
It's more than just a word
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway.
It wouldn't change how you feel
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
would it matter anyway?
would it change how you feel?
I am the mess you chose
the closet you can not close
The devil in you I suppose
'cuz the wounds never heal
But everything changes
if I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
then I could learn to feel
Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real
When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
through this part of the day
Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
It's more than just a word
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway.
It wouldn't change how you feel
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Lyrical Musings of the Day: Jeremy by Pearl Jam.
So I've been on a bit of a binge of listening to my favorite band a lot lately for some odd reason. I'm thinking it might have to to with me running into a whole bunch of videos a little while ago from their live show they did at the E Center out here in Salt Lake back in September a and really, really wishing I could've gone (Next time they come through Utah for sure!). And since then I've been wondering about which Pearl Jam album is the greatest of all time. It's kind of hard to say though, PJ is more of a song band than they are an album band. In which sense they have some of the greatest songwriting and lyrical writing capabilities I've ever heard. A lot of people though would probably tell you that their old classic debut album that made them so huge and legendary in the first place, Ten, is their finest work. It certainly is their most popular and successful one, that's for sure. I myself have maybe wondered if it is, given the fact that classics like the heavily rocking Even Flow, the mellow yet high energy leveled Alive, the passionately emotional and dark and somber Black, and the powerfully shocking tribute Jeremy are on there, all of which do indeed rank amongst some of their finest work. But what does the album have outside of that? From what I've been able to tell, it's mostly just a heavy rock out fest. Which is cool and all, especially since Pearl Jam does it as well as anybody, but outside of Black and Jeremy, it doesn't really have the powerfully inspiring or contemplatively stimulating touch that makes them such an amazing band. Despite that fact though, the album does indeed have those two songs, both of which are probably two of the greatest songs they've ever written, and most definitely two of my all time favorite songs from them.
Of course you've all heard me go on and on about Black, heck, I've even posted the lyrics for it on here before if you remember. But today I listened to Jeremy I think for the first time in a good long while, and I must say it really reminded me of not only why it's such an incredible song, but why Pearl Jam is my favorite band. For those who don't know it's basically a tribute to a Middle School student who headlined newspapers back in '91 when he walked up in front of his English class and shot himself, and it features, along with Black, some of the finest lyrical writing PJ has ever put out. Not to mention the song itself is as full of compelling energy and passion as any one of their songs can be.
Jeremy
At home
Drawing pictures
Of mountain tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun
Arms raised in a V
Dead lay in pools of maroon below
Daddy didn't give attention
To the fact that mommy didn't care
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Clearly I remember
Pickin' on the boy
Seemed a harmless little ****
But we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth
And bit the recess lady's breast
How could I forget
He hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurting
Dropped wide open
Just like the day
Like the day I heard
Daddy didn't give affection
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Try to forget this...
Try to erase this...
From the blackboard.
Of course you've all heard me go on and on about Black, heck, I've even posted the lyrics for it on here before if you remember. But today I listened to Jeremy I think for the first time in a good long while, and I must say it really reminded me of not only why it's such an incredible song, but why Pearl Jam is my favorite band. For those who don't know it's basically a tribute to a Middle School student who headlined newspapers back in '91 when he walked up in front of his English class and shot himself, and it features, along with Black, some of the finest lyrical writing PJ has ever put out. Not to mention the song itself is as full of compelling energy and passion as any one of their songs can be.
Jeremy
At home
Drawing pictures
Of mountain tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun
Arms raised in a V
Dead lay in pools of maroon below
Daddy didn't give attention
To the fact that mommy didn't care
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Clearly I remember
Pickin' on the boy
Seemed a harmless little ****
But we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth
And bit the recess lady's breast
How could I forget
He hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurting
Dropped wide open
Just like the day
Like the day I heard
Daddy didn't give affection
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear
King Jeremy the wicked
Ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Try to forget this...
Try to erase this...
From the blackboard.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Choice Has Been Made: BroEl's Summer Season 2010 Anime Lineup
Seems almost like yesterday I was making my picks for what I would be watching for the spring season, doesn't it? Well it wasn't yesterday, no, but it was only about two months ago or so that I did. Time sure does fly by when you're watching a season of good anime. Even the 11-13 episode series from last season have yet to finish their run yet, but with them coming close to doing so and the new season approaching us, it is now time to take a look at what I will be watching. Though I probably won't be following all of them to the end given time restrictions (maybe a couple and that's it) I figure I ought to at least give all five of these series a shot.
Although I've never been a particularly huge fan of Death Note, the names of Madhouse Studios and Tetsuo Araki still give meaning enough for me to want to give this series a shot. Because those same names are associated with my #2 anime released in Japan from 2008, that of course being Kurozuka. Death Note I still thought was a pretty excellent series despite not really liking it all that much, and Kurozuka was just a downright flashy cool series in it's own right. That said expectations are pretty much right up in that same capacity for this series as well. Definitely looking forward to what it brings to the table.
From the looks of things, the premise of this series looks to have something to do with both the supernatural and time travel at the same time, amongst various other interesting phenomina. Which I must say, definitely intrigues me quite a bit. Based off of the premise alone it seems like it's at least worth a shot, but we'll see. If it's anything like Ghost Hunt (it actually kind of reminds me of that series more than anything else) it may end up being one I'll have to have patience with before it really starts to keep my interest.
I must say, the animation for this series really caught my eye at first glance. It's from the same person who brought us Twelve Kingdoms (which I have yet to see or even really know anything about) and, oddly enough that I mention it again, Ghost Hunt, although unlike the latter, this one looks like it could be a real creepfest right from the start. It definitely has a very eerie feel to it, which has me very intrigued. Plus that and the plot summary on ANN makes it sound like this one could end up being a really engaging thriller. Definitely going to keep an eye on this one, that's for sure.
This one seems to be the least intriguing of all of the series I've decided to give a shot this season, and probably the most likely to be the very first series I decide not to follow to the end. Despite that fact though it still at least seems decent enough to give a shot to anyways. It does sound like a kind of series I might like after all.
I think I've come to find that Seinen has definitely become one of my top favorite genres of anime, and from the looks of things this series falls right under that category. Meaning I'll definitely be giving it a shot. Doesn't really look like there's much information on what this series is about; no trailer or plot summary or anything, but the art style and, well, pretty much the entirety of the image above really makes it look like it could end up being quite the unique and intriguing experience of the new season. If it turns out the way it looks it's probably going to be the only series on this list I'll be following all the way to the end for sure.
And that folks would be my lineup for the season. As always be sure to look forward to both mine and JayGee's first impression posts over on ArizUtaku about these series and more come next month.
Friday, June 4, 2010
On This Day.....
Today has been a bit of a nostalgic day for me. My younger brother graduated from high school today, which him being the youngest in our family and how old that makes me feel is a completely different subject matter all to itself. Where the feelings of nostalgia lie is not so much in the fact that he graduated today as much as it is the very interesting coincidence that it just so happened to fall on Friday, June 4th. That is the exact same day 6 years ago that I myself graduated from high school.
That was a day that will be long remembered. A day that I believe will forever be etched into my memory as if it only happened yesterday. And not just because it was my graduation day. No, that would be incredibly cheesy if it was just that, although I do believe one will probably still find the cheese factor pretty high nonetheless, heh heh. ^_^' The reason why I will probably forever have memorized the exact happenings of that day are because at the same time as being a wonderful, joyous day, it was also perhaps one of the worst days of my life as well. It was the day that introduced two people experiencing true feelings of love for someone for the first time into the dark and hopeless world of that love being taken away from them. For one of those two people however, it only really took them about 6 or 7 months to recover when he met the woman of his life whom he is now preparing to become espoused to in just a few months. For that same other person however, that day put him in a dark abysmal hole that took him two years to climb out of and, though that past is well behind him, even still to this day struggles with the effects that experience had on him.
If you haven't noticed yet, I speak of my best friend and myself respectively. Now the happenings of that day and the contents of both of our situations are a bit complex for me to go into very deeply, but what I will never forget are the exact feelings of that day. At times I felt the rush of excitement a graduating student always feels. But at others I either felt concern for my best friend, feelings of loneliness and inferiority, or feelings of sadness and desperation in trying to tell someone how I felt about them before I would never see them again and then inevitably the feeling of that hope I had when I finally got it off my shoulders go fluttering out the window. I was honestly at a point by the end of the day where I am probably lucky to be here before you all today, if not for the encouraging words of my best friend, who was experiencing the same things I was.
Flash forward to six years latter. Both these fine young women are married now. Don't know about the one involving Peter but the one involving me even has a one and a half year old son now too boot. Of course I already mentioned how well off Peter is doing, and then of course, there's me...... Though I have long since moved on from that particular situation, and though I am much wiser and far more skilled with people than I was back then, I still can't help but think of how it might have effected me in the long run. For the most part I like to say it helped me develop into the person that I am today - a much stronger, more mature and capable person than I once thought I could ever be. And even though I still remain to be very much so the friendly, laid back and good natured person that I've always been, at the same time I can't help but think this development into a strong, mature and capable person has also made me more cynical, rebellious, bitter and angry than I thought I could ever be. Though I'm as introverted as ever, and probably always will be, I really have broken down a lot of my personal walls that I used to have, and am still in the process of breaking down even more. Gradually I have been breaking out of my shell I used to be in way back when, and I do believe the events of 6 years ago today lead me in that right direction. But recent events involving my driving people that I love and care about deeply away from me and my current confrontation with others (including my aforementioned best friend) over wanting to follow my own advice and live my life the way I feel is right for me rather than take their guiding advice is starting to make me wonder if the strong, mature and capable and at the same time cynical, rebellious, bitter and angry person I have become today is starting to drive everyone I love away from me, and that one day I will wake up cold and alone.
What I believe I need to do in order to prevent that is to find the middle grounds between the positive and negative effects of breaking down those walls. I've forced too much of the negative in the former example and as a result I may never be able to salvage what I lost as a result and may have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life. With the latter however, I am trying to find that middle ground and even though I've succeeded for the most part, some of the negative has come out towards them. So far they have been as understanding and forgiving as I've always known them to be about it, but at the same time I can't help but feel I'm on thin ice as they continue to confront me about it, and I continue to wonder whether or not they'll be true friends in the end and eventually understand what it is I'm trying to do. But I do believe that if I can find this middle ground and I can find someone who can understand it and not get offended, then perhaps the day the effects of today 6 years ago will finally, truly be behind me.
That was a day that will be long remembered. A day that I believe will forever be etched into my memory as if it only happened yesterday. And not just because it was my graduation day. No, that would be incredibly cheesy if it was just that, although I do believe one will probably still find the cheese factor pretty high nonetheless, heh heh. ^_^' The reason why I will probably forever have memorized the exact happenings of that day are because at the same time as being a wonderful, joyous day, it was also perhaps one of the worst days of my life as well. It was the day that introduced two people experiencing true feelings of love for someone for the first time into the dark and hopeless world of that love being taken away from them. For one of those two people however, it only really took them about 6 or 7 months to recover when he met the woman of his life whom he is now preparing to become espoused to in just a few months. For that same other person however, that day put him in a dark abysmal hole that took him two years to climb out of and, though that past is well behind him, even still to this day struggles with the effects that experience had on him.
If you haven't noticed yet, I speak of my best friend and myself respectively. Now the happenings of that day and the contents of both of our situations are a bit complex for me to go into very deeply, but what I will never forget are the exact feelings of that day. At times I felt the rush of excitement a graduating student always feels. But at others I either felt concern for my best friend, feelings of loneliness and inferiority, or feelings of sadness and desperation in trying to tell someone how I felt about them before I would never see them again and then inevitably the feeling of that hope I had when I finally got it off my shoulders go fluttering out the window. I was honestly at a point by the end of the day where I am probably lucky to be here before you all today, if not for the encouraging words of my best friend, who was experiencing the same things I was.
Flash forward to six years latter. Both these fine young women are married now. Don't know about the one involving Peter but the one involving me even has a one and a half year old son now too boot. Of course I already mentioned how well off Peter is doing, and then of course, there's me...... Though I have long since moved on from that particular situation, and though I am much wiser and far more skilled with people than I was back then, I still can't help but think of how it might have effected me in the long run. For the most part I like to say it helped me develop into the person that I am today - a much stronger, more mature and capable person than I once thought I could ever be. And even though I still remain to be very much so the friendly, laid back and good natured person that I've always been, at the same time I can't help but think this development into a strong, mature and capable person has also made me more cynical, rebellious, bitter and angry than I thought I could ever be. Though I'm as introverted as ever, and probably always will be, I really have broken down a lot of my personal walls that I used to have, and am still in the process of breaking down even more. Gradually I have been breaking out of my shell I used to be in way back when, and I do believe the events of 6 years ago today lead me in that right direction. But recent events involving my driving people that I love and care about deeply away from me and my current confrontation with others (including my aforementioned best friend) over wanting to follow my own advice and live my life the way I feel is right for me rather than take their guiding advice is starting to make me wonder if the strong, mature and capable and at the same time cynical, rebellious, bitter and angry person I have become today is starting to drive everyone I love away from me, and that one day I will wake up cold and alone.
What I believe I need to do in order to prevent that is to find the middle grounds between the positive and negative effects of breaking down those walls. I've forced too much of the negative in the former example and as a result I may never be able to salvage what I lost as a result and may have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life. With the latter however, I am trying to find that middle ground and even though I've succeeded for the most part, some of the negative has come out towards them. So far they have been as understanding and forgiving as I've always known them to be about it, but at the same time I can't help but feel I'm on thin ice as they continue to confront me about it, and I continue to wonder whether or not they'll be true friends in the end and eventually understand what it is I'm trying to do. But I do believe that if I can find this middle ground and I can find someone who can understand it and not get offended, then perhaps the day the effects of today 6 years ago will finally, truly be behind me.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Lyrical Musings of the Day: It's Been a While by Staind
I swear I'm not trying to overload you all with all these song lyrics! ^_^' Just listened to another one today, and another one by Staind no less, and even more yet another one from Staind's Break the Cycle album. It's another one that I felt I could relate to personally, which is one of the reasons they've really gotten up there as, well, not really one of my favorite bands, but one I've really come to love quite a bit. They are quite impressive with their song writing style and their musicality and sound isn't bad either, but their songs are just so personal sometimes it's hard not to be able to relate to them. This one in particular though is one I've been having on my mind a lot lately.
And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I first saw you
And it's been a while
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been a while
Since I could call you
And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem
And consequences that are rendered
I stretch myself beyond my means
And it's been a while
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well
And it's been a while
Since I've gone and ****** things up just like I always do
And it's been a while
But all that **** seems to disappear when I'm with you
And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem
And consequences that are rendered
I've gone and ****** things up again
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day
And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste
And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I first saw you
And it's been a while
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been a while
Since I could call you
And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem
And consequences that are rendered
I stretch myself beyond my means
And it's been a while
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well
And it's been a while
Since I've gone and ****** things up just like I always do
And it's been a while
But all that **** seems to disappear when I'm with you
And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem
And consequences that are rendered
I've gone and ****** things up again
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day
And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste
And everything I can remember
As ****** up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
And it's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been a while
Since I said I'm sorry
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