Two posted lyrics in a row, yay! Of course it'll probably be something you'll have to learn to get used to, considering how much I listen to my music and how many lyrics out there I completely adore. ;P
In any case, have you ever heard a song that sometimes you swear was written about you that's just how well you feel you can identify with it? I had a song like that come up on my iPod today. Heard it plenty of times before, but just today did it hit me just how well I can relate to it. I swear I had it on loop a billion times after that as well, heh heh.
Epiphany
Your words to me just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
So I speak to you in riddles
'Cause my words get in my way
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
'Cause I can't take anymore of this
I want to come apart
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention
Yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said
Monday, April 12, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Lyrical Musings of the Day: No Surprises by Radiohead
Pretty much anything from their album OK Computer, which by now I have acknowledged as qutie possibly the greatest album of all time, could make it's way onto a post such as this one. And more than likely you'll probably be seeing plenty more lyrics off that album getting on here in the future. But for today, we'll just leave it at probably my favorite song off that album (though it's incredibly hard to pick just one favorite, heh heh), and what's become quite possibly one of my all time favorite songs as well. It came up on my iPod today and reminded me not only of just how beautiful this song is, especially in contrast to the rest of the album as it applies to the overall main theme it was shooting for, but just how incredible an album it is in the first place.
No Surprises
A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent
This is my final fit, my final bellyache with
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please
Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)
No Surprises
A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent
This is my final fit, my final bellyache with
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please
Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Choice Has Been Made: BroEl's Spring Season 2010 Anime Lineup
Well folks, spring is in the air! (at least if you don't live in Utah it is anyways..... ) And with that said, we're onto a brand new season of anime! This would normally be the kind of post I'd make over on ArizUtaku, but given the fact that Matt pretty much has it taken care of over there, added the fact that he does typically tend to watch more series per season than I do, I've decided this season to make a post of my own on this blog as to which series I'll be following. I'm probably going to do this on a regular basis as well, which I probably should've been doing since I started doing this blog in the first place, heh heh. ^_^' In any event, I've decided to go with a whole whopping four series, about the same as I went with last season. Usually I try to go with at least four or five or so, and that's mostly when I've got summer break coming up, where I'd actually have time to follow stuff, heh heh. I just felt like I overloaded myself far too much with the some-ought 9 or 10 or so I went with during the spring 2008 anime season, and I'd much rather try to keep it more at a minimum from now on. Especially considering this summer break I'll more than likely be in the hunt for a job to take up a good portion of that time.
So without further adu, here my picks for this season:
So without further adu, here my picks for this season:
Pretty much the only reason why I'll be following this one is because it's a Studio Bones series. And as such is automatically required for me to give a shot, given the enormous Bones fanboy I am. ;) But even with that aside, you have to be at least somewhat intrigued that none other than Mr. Stan Lee himself has his involvement in this one. Add on to all of that the fact that no matter how generic or cliche the premise may be, I actually do have quite the taste for series like these, if at it's very lowest level a form of good 'ol fashioned entertaining fun. And no matter how generic this series may end up being (or how lame it's title is... >.> ) I can say that at the very least, it won't turn out to be the complete and utter ripoff of anything like that pathetic excuse for a series Fairy Tail disappointingly ended up to be......
Two things in particular interest me quite a bit about this series. The thing at first glance would most definitely have to be the animation style and character designs, as you can see from the picture above. Just by the look of it alone it screams out to be a series worth watching. The other would have to be the fact that it's a good 'ol fashioned samurai tale, and I'm always up for one any day. The only thing that really seems to be discouraging about it though is that apparently the original source material is nothing special, if even that, according to some. Whatever the case, I'll see for myself whether or not it'll end up being anything worth following. So far though I must say, I'm at least impressed enough to check it out.
Now this series just looks awesome. Dark, gritty seinin action series produced by Studio Madhouse, I mean what's not to like? Unfortunately ANN doesn't have a description of the series so there's not much I know about it's premise, but basically from what Matt said about it over on ArizUtaku, this could very well be one of the most promising series of the season. And of course depending on how it develops, maybe even one of the best of the year.
All it took to get me to want to see this series were two names in particular: Masaaki Yuasa (Creator of Mind Game, Kemonozume and Kaiba) and Michiru Oshima (Musical score for Fullmetal Alchemist, Le Chevalier D'eon). And given how much of an artistic masterpiece the past works of both these two have been, no question this series has to already be in contention for best series of 2010. We'll see how it goes though of course. Sometimes some of these kinds of series end up a tad bit of a disappointment like Yuasa's Kaiba already did back in '08. Not that it was a terrible series or that it fell way short of expectations or anything, just that sometimes series like it from what they seem like at first glance can sometimes in comparison to other ingenious works by those same people not quite be on the same level, and expectations can sometimes fall a tad bit short. Nevertheless though, there's no doubt I have extremely high expectations for this series. And no doubt it will live up to them, even if they do fall a tad bit short. I say this especially given how amazing the trailer for it looks already.
So, there you have it then! Also be sure to look forward to my "first impressions" posts on some of these series over on ArizUtaku coming soon. Or at least as soon as I can get around to watching the first episodes of them anyways, heh heh. ^_^'
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Lyrical Musings of the Day: Through Glass and Zzyzx Rd. by Stone Sour
For some time now I've been trying to figure out what kind of new feature I could possibly put in place of the now deceased For Your Listening Pleasure feature of mine, and nothing unfortunately has ever come up..... But earlier today while I was listening to my iPod admiring the lyrical writing abilities of some of my favorite bands, I thought up an idea that maybe a good way to replace it would be to share some of these lyrics with all you readers out there. So as such, the new feature in place of the old will now be what I have decided to call "Lyrical Musings of the Day," in which I will post the lyrics to a song that either reflects my current mood/thoughts, are lyrics to a song I re-discovered I loved or are new songs I have discovered I love in the first place, or are just simply songs in which I think "man, that's a really awesomely well written song!"
So without further adu, today I will post the lyrics to two Stone Sour songs in particular, mostly just because they both stand out to me right now and quite frankly, I really couldn't choose just one, heh heh. ^_^'
Through Glass
I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head
How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget.. you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen
I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah
I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your heaaaaddd
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah yeah
Ohhhoh when the starrs
Ohhh oh when the starrrrs that liieee
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head
How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget.. you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen
I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah
I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head
'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your heaaaaddd
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah yeah
Ohhhoh when the starrs
Ohhh oh when the starrrrs that liieee
Zzyzx Rd.
I don't know how else to put this
It's taken me so long to do this
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight
My muscles feel like a melee
My body's curled in a U-shape
I put on my best but I'm still afraid
Propped up by lies and promises
Saving my place as life forgets
Maybe its time I saw the world
I'm only here for a while
But patience is not my style
And I'm so tired that I gotta go
What am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through
Tell me I should stick around for you
Tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go
I get to go home in one week
But I leaving home in three weeks
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry
I'm following suit and directions
I crawl up inside for protection
I'm told what to do and I don't know why
I'm over existing in limbo
I'm over the myths and placebos
I don't really mind if I just fade away
I'm ready to live with my family
I'm ready to die in obscurity
'Cause I'm so tired that I gotta go
Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
You still don't think I'm going see this through
Tell me I'm a part of history
Tell me I can have it all
I'm still to tired to care and I gotta go
It's taken me so long to do this
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight
My muscles feel like a melee
My body's curled in a U-shape
I put on my best but I'm still afraid
Propped up by lies and promises
Saving my place as life forgets
Maybe its time I saw the world
I'm only here for a while
But patience is not my style
And I'm so tired that I gotta go
What am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through
Tell me I should stick around for you
Tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go
I get to go home in one week
But I leaving home in three weeks
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry
I'm following suit and directions
I crawl up inside for protection
I'm told what to do and I don't know why
I'm over existing in limbo
I'm over the myths and placebos
I don't really mind if I just fade away
I'm ready to live with my family
I'm ready to die in obscurity
'Cause I'm so tired that I gotta go
Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
You still don't think I'm going see this through
Tell me I'm a part of history
Tell me I can have it all
I'm still to tired to care and I gotta go
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Concerning My Last Post: Spring Break is Not That Bad.
As many of you already know based off of my last blog post, I really was not anticipating my spring break this past week to be particularly exciting. I mean it never really is, but considering how much life has sucked over the past few months or so I especially thought it to be so this year. I mean sure, there's plenty of anime and movies to watch out there, plenty of manga/books to read, plenty of video games to play, ect. Heaven knows I have a gargantuan backlog of such things I just need the time to get through sometime. But what I've come to find is that when you're going through tough times like this, it's never a good idea to keep yourself all cooped up inside your house all alone like that. It's always best to try to get out of the house and actually be with people; being able to laugh with them, being able to have fun with them, and most of all, being able to talk with them about things and allowing them to make you feel better.
But who do you go to when one of the main sources of the problem is when it feels like you've lost a massive percentage of people who were once ones who would do that for you? I guess that's where good friends and family you still do have come in, and I also guess that that's where you are shown the people who really are your true friends and the ones who really do love and care about you. That's where I'm glad I have both a wonderful blood related family as well as my non-blood related family of people like Peter and Aaron and their respective spouses/soon to be spouses. Probably about 90% of my spring break was spent with them, with about 5% of it with blood relations and the other 5% with what little time was actually given to me to enjoy all that time to sleep and use the computer I had been given, heh heh. And the best part about it is with Peter's fiancée down in California the whole week and him feeling miserable and lonely with everyone else seeming to be out of town that week as well, he pretty much needed me every bit as much as I needed him. Which makes it all the more fulfilling. I can't help but think the lord had a hand in that one, preventing me from going to the NCAA Tournament with the pep band so I could help take that charge. And with as much as he's been there for me throughout my life, I was more than happy to have that opportunity.
Basically the break started off (I consider Saturday to be apart of it) about like how I was expecting it to be: dull and boring, ready to kill over because of all the staleness and stagnatism, wondering how the crap I could possibly keep on doing this for a whole week. I kept myself busy that night with Gangs of New York, which had just barley debuted on AMC, and a delicious Carls Jr. dinner. Sunday night I ended up watching Pulp Fiction twice (which was on this afternoon as well it would seem), which to my amazement seemed to be on all weekend. Which probably would have made me happy anyways, seeing as how that's actually become one of my all time favorite movies. But things didn't really get going until Monday night. That had also been a regular spring break day as usual, all the way up until a massive birthday bash we traditionally have for all the March birthdays in our family, which strangely enough are all within at least a few days of each other, heh heh. It came complete even with a good 'ol fashioned game of Quelfs, which I haven't played in a good long while. Absolutely a riot, that game is! XD
Tuesday night is what my cousin Megan and her fiancee Walter have been working on regularly making our anime and game night with us plus a few of their friends as well, which is always fun. Coming back from Salt Lake to their home in Ogden, they nabbed me here in Bountiful on the way sometime in the early afternoon, so of course I spent pretty much the whole day with them. They bought me a Mountain Dew slurpee on the way up (they know me so well ^_^) and we went exploring at good 'ol Cosco up there in Ogden. I showed them a few episodes of Texhnolyze like I had promised I would do after I was shocked to find a copy of it at the Ogden Hastings (best store EVER!) while hanging out with them there a few weeks earlier, and needless to say they were quite weirded out by it, heh heh. :P Then after that we started gaming, of course.
Wednesday was where things REALLY started to get crazy. Pretty much spent the whole day with Peter, Aaron and Sam exploring the Gateway, as well as free Planetarium and free children's museum after we had been disappointed we couldn't go to the zoo that day for free. I gott a nice pair of shades to replace my old crappy ones while we were at it too. Then we went over to Aaron's parents' house for some cake and ice cream (it was his dad's birthday apparently) and rented a whole bunch of movies. We ended up watching Monsters vs. Aliens that night, which actually ended up being a lot funnier then I was expecting it to be.
Thursday was actually kind of a disappointing day, seeing as how I ended up not having enough money to take up Linda's big laser tagging invite after Wednesday's craziness, and Alex, and old high school friend of mine, had plans to invite me to go play G.U.R.P.S. with his gaming buddies that fell under. Which I think might have been an attempt to get that hang out session with that girl who wanted to hang out with me despite already being taken that never happened.... But Peter and I pretty much spent the whole day (amazingly.... o_O) up at his house playing Magic, which we actually pretty much played for hours on end pretty much every day I hung out with him this week, heh heh. ^_^' Which was good actually, because neither of us had really done any Magic playing since before Gregg left for the army, so we needed some good Magic playing/deck building sessions like that.Friday consisted of more Magic, but then latter that day we got Aaron and Sam up at his house and we watched more of our rented movies and ate Papa Murphy's.
Saturday we originally made plans to go up to Logan once Amy got back from her big California trip to spend the day up there with her and do some gaming with the Star Wars campaign we started up with her, but much like pretty much every day the gang got together this week, we were so preoccupied with doing other fun things we pretty much failed to do any gaming at all, heh heh. ^_^' While we were up there we payed a visit to the Gosner Cheese shop, which is the best place anywhere to get Cheese. They had lots of sample tables where we got to try out a lot of the kinds of cheese/cheese spreads they had there, and I instantly became addicted. Sooooo goooooood. I did also have enough money to buy some things of my own there, so I took home a package of smoked swiss cheese and some swiss and oninon cheese spread, which me and my whole family pretty much finished right off this afternoon, heh heh. I will see tomorrow night when we make hamburgers for dinner how the smoked swiss is. Then we ate at a Hawaiian restaurant up there, which was pretty good. Never had Hawaiian food before, so it was an interesting experience. Pretty much the rest of the afternoon leading all the way up with dinner consisted of us finding too many entertaining things on the TV up there in Amy's college housing apartment, so like I said, we never got around to doing any gaming. ;) Then we went to the Indian restaurant for dinner, which had some great food, but the belly dancing performance that ended up breaking up there (we went there for that primarily, Amy being the big belly dancing guru she is and all) ended up making me feel uncomfortable, only really because I was sitting at the end of the table so I ended up getting half naked belly dancers all up in my face....... >.> Everyone else seemed to get a kick out of it though, and part of it was their fault (Amy knows some of the people who were dancing there that night so she decided it would be funny to sick one of them on me..... >.> ) so I decided to be a good sport about it and not get angry at them. I actually really think my uncomfortably being at that place had more to do with the fact that as well as the belly dancers in my face plus the whole dancing environment that has always reminded me of why I never attended any dances or stomps in high school (they had a thing at the end of the performance where anyone who wanted could get up and go out and dance, even if poorly, along with the dancers and people, including Peter and the gang, were trying to get me to go out and dance, even though I had absolutely no desire to.... ) REALLY put me in an environment in which I did not want to be in. But other than that, it was good times.
It is kind of funny how I came from fearing I wouldn't have enough to do to having too much to do, heh heh. In some ways I do actually kind of wish Peter and the gang had spared me more free time to myself thinking back on it, but at the same time I have no desire to complain. I ended up having good times with people who I know care about me at a time when both them and I needed it, and I guess in the end that's all that really matters. I guess in some ways I just wish there were more people out there who cared about me that much is all.
But who do you go to when one of the main sources of the problem is when it feels like you've lost a massive percentage of people who were once ones who would do that for you? I guess that's where good friends and family you still do have come in, and I also guess that that's where you are shown the people who really are your true friends and the ones who really do love and care about you. That's where I'm glad I have both a wonderful blood related family as well as my non-blood related family of people like Peter and Aaron and their respective spouses/soon to be spouses. Probably about 90% of my spring break was spent with them, with about 5% of it with blood relations and the other 5% with what little time was actually given to me to enjoy all that time to sleep and use the computer I had been given, heh heh. And the best part about it is with Peter's fiancée down in California the whole week and him feeling miserable and lonely with everyone else seeming to be out of town that week as well, he pretty much needed me every bit as much as I needed him. Which makes it all the more fulfilling. I can't help but think the lord had a hand in that one, preventing me from going to the NCAA Tournament with the pep band so I could help take that charge. And with as much as he's been there for me throughout my life, I was more than happy to have that opportunity.
Basically the break started off (I consider Saturday to be apart of it) about like how I was expecting it to be: dull and boring, ready to kill over because of all the staleness and stagnatism, wondering how the crap I could possibly keep on doing this for a whole week. I kept myself busy that night with Gangs of New York, which had just barley debuted on AMC, and a delicious Carls Jr. dinner. Sunday night I ended up watching Pulp Fiction twice (which was on this afternoon as well it would seem), which to my amazement seemed to be on all weekend. Which probably would have made me happy anyways, seeing as how that's actually become one of my all time favorite movies. But things didn't really get going until Monday night. That had also been a regular spring break day as usual, all the way up until a massive birthday bash we traditionally have for all the March birthdays in our family, which strangely enough are all within at least a few days of each other, heh heh. It came complete even with a good 'ol fashioned game of Quelfs, which I haven't played in a good long while. Absolutely a riot, that game is! XD
Tuesday night is what my cousin Megan and her fiancee Walter have been working on regularly making our anime and game night with us plus a few of their friends as well, which is always fun. Coming back from Salt Lake to their home in Ogden, they nabbed me here in Bountiful on the way sometime in the early afternoon, so of course I spent pretty much the whole day with them. They bought me a Mountain Dew slurpee on the way up (they know me so well ^_^) and we went exploring at good 'ol Cosco up there in Ogden. I showed them a few episodes of Texhnolyze like I had promised I would do after I was shocked to find a copy of it at the Ogden Hastings (best store EVER!) while hanging out with them there a few weeks earlier, and needless to say they were quite weirded out by it, heh heh. :P Then after that we started gaming, of course.
Wednesday was where things REALLY started to get crazy. Pretty much spent the whole day with Peter, Aaron and Sam exploring the Gateway, as well as free Planetarium and free children's museum after we had been disappointed we couldn't go to the zoo that day for free. I gott a nice pair of shades to replace my old crappy ones while we were at it too. Then we went over to Aaron's parents' house for some cake and ice cream (it was his dad's birthday apparently) and rented a whole bunch of movies. We ended up watching Monsters vs. Aliens that night, which actually ended up being a lot funnier then I was expecting it to be.
Thursday was actually kind of a disappointing day, seeing as how I ended up not having enough money to take up Linda's big laser tagging invite after Wednesday's craziness, and Alex, and old high school friend of mine, had plans to invite me to go play G.U.R.P.S. with his gaming buddies that fell under. Which I think might have been an attempt to get that hang out session with that girl who wanted to hang out with me despite already being taken that never happened.... But Peter and I pretty much spent the whole day (amazingly.... o_O) up at his house playing Magic, which we actually pretty much played for hours on end pretty much every day I hung out with him this week, heh heh. ^_^' Which was good actually, because neither of us had really done any Magic playing since before Gregg left for the army, so we needed some good Magic playing/deck building sessions like that.Friday consisted of more Magic, but then latter that day we got Aaron and Sam up at his house and we watched more of our rented movies and ate Papa Murphy's.
Saturday we originally made plans to go up to Logan once Amy got back from her big California trip to spend the day up there with her and do some gaming with the Star Wars campaign we started up with her, but much like pretty much every day the gang got together this week, we were so preoccupied with doing other fun things we pretty much failed to do any gaming at all, heh heh. ^_^' While we were up there we payed a visit to the Gosner Cheese shop, which is the best place anywhere to get Cheese. They had lots of sample tables where we got to try out a lot of the kinds of cheese/cheese spreads they had there, and I instantly became addicted. Sooooo goooooood. I did also have enough money to buy some things of my own there, so I took home a package of smoked swiss cheese and some swiss and oninon cheese spread, which me and my whole family pretty much finished right off this afternoon, heh heh. I will see tomorrow night when we make hamburgers for dinner how the smoked swiss is. Then we ate at a Hawaiian restaurant up there, which was pretty good. Never had Hawaiian food before, so it was an interesting experience. Pretty much the rest of the afternoon leading all the way up with dinner consisted of us finding too many entertaining things on the TV up there in Amy's college housing apartment, so like I said, we never got around to doing any gaming. ;) Then we went to the Indian restaurant for dinner, which had some great food, but the belly dancing performance that ended up breaking up there (we went there for that primarily, Amy being the big belly dancing guru she is and all) ended up making me feel uncomfortable, only really because I was sitting at the end of the table so I ended up getting half naked belly dancers all up in my face....... >.> Everyone else seemed to get a kick out of it though, and part of it was their fault (Amy knows some of the people who were dancing there that night so she decided it would be funny to sick one of them on me..... >.> ) so I decided to be a good sport about it and not get angry at them. I actually really think my uncomfortably being at that place had more to do with the fact that as well as the belly dancers in my face plus the whole dancing environment that has always reminded me of why I never attended any dances or stomps in high school (they had a thing at the end of the performance where anyone who wanted could get up and go out and dance, even if poorly, along with the dancers and people, including Peter and the gang, were trying to get me to go out and dance, even though I had absolutely no desire to.... ) REALLY put me in an environment in which I did not want to be in. But other than that, it was good times.
It is kind of funny how I came from fearing I wouldn't have enough to do to having too much to do, heh heh. In some ways I do actually kind of wish Peter and the gang had spared me more free time to myself thinking back on it, but at the same time I have no desire to complain. I ended up having good times with people who I know care about me at a time when both them and I needed it, and I guess in the end that's all that really matters. I guess in some ways I just wish there were more people out there who cared about me that much is all.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Staleness and Stagnantism abounds.
Normally this would be the post where I go on and on about how excited I am that we get a whole week off of school all next week, with caps and exclamation points galore. But as nice as a good old fashion break from all the stresses of school always is no matter what, this time around I kind of find myself not particularly looking forward to it all that much, like I normally do.
As of before just this past Wednesday I thought I was going to have plenty to be exited for to spend my spring break doing. But unfortunately fate as it would seem has decided to give me the nice ol' middle finger yet again as the Weber State men's basketball team fails us all, if but ever so slightly, but ever so slightly enough that there will be no free band trip to the NCAA tournament. Add onto that the fact that in what seems to be such a short amount of time I've come from having what seemed to be a ton of really great, wonderful friends on such a scale that it seemed like everyone and their dog wanted to do something with me over winter break to public enemy number one with probably more than half of those same people - and a tiny pinch of typical single person disappointment when a girl you talked to on the bus earlier this afternoon really, really hit it off with you, exchanged cell phone numbers with you and everything, texted you for hours on edge when you both got home, even went as far as to make plans to hang out with you over the break only to let you know that they are already taken - and you have yourself a nice old recipe for death by boredom.
Oh well, at least that aforementioned girl gave me at least something to do over the break anyways. And who knows, maybe Peter and the gang will come up with something.
As of before just this past Wednesday I thought I was going to have plenty to be exited for to spend my spring break doing. But unfortunately fate as it would seem has decided to give me the nice ol' middle finger yet again as the Weber State men's basketball team fails us all, if but ever so slightly, but ever so slightly enough that there will be no free band trip to the NCAA tournament. Add onto that the fact that in what seems to be such a short amount of time I've come from having what seemed to be a ton of really great, wonderful friends on such a scale that it seemed like everyone and their dog wanted to do something with me over winter break to public enemy number one with probably more than half of those same people - and a tiny pinch of typical single person disappointment when a girl you talked to on the bus earlier this afternoon really, really hit it off with you, exchanged cell phone numbers with you and everything, texted you for hours on edge when you both got home, even went as far as to make plans to hang out with you over the break only to let you know that they are already taken - and you have yourself a nice old recipe for death by boredom.
Oh well, at least that aforementioned girl gave me at least something to do over the break anyways. And who knows, maybe Peter and the gang will come up with something.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
BroEl's overly stressful and in some ways quite emo rant......
Gal, it's been since way back in December when I made my last post here, hasn't it? Well I've had plenty to write about, that's for sure. Problem is actually ever getting around to writing any of it, which with as much has occupied both time and mind as of late, has been extremely difficult to do. Heh.... But after reading the most recent post on my friends blog about her current stresses in life, I kind of felt the need to give myself my own release of some of the things that have been overwhelming me over the last little while or so.
Well I was originally going to come in back at the beginning of the semester and give my overview of how the break went and what I'm looking forward to academically, socially and personally going into the new year/semester. But those things do sort of loosely tie into this little rant of mine, so I guess in a way you could say this is pretty much it then, heh. Basically coming into this new year/semester, things were looking very, very up for me after having had fallen on some pretty dark times for a while. I had finally put a lot of my old feelings behind me that had been troubling me since back in the summer and accepted things for what they were currently, even if they weren't what I wanted. Despite that fact, I finally felt ready to move on with life and give more serious thought to exploring other possibilities with other feelings I felt like I could've possibly had.
That's where the confusion begins though. Also coming into the year/semester, one of those possibilities was to not have feelings for anyone in particular at all, as inspired to me by my good friend Bryson. It was something I was seriously considering giving a try, but the problem was going into the year/semester I still felt like there was a possibility that I could've already had some feelings for a couple of certain specific very wonderful and amazing young ladies that was now ready to come fourth since I had finally put those old feelings behind me. So the conflictions stood as thusly: which one of those magnificent young ladies do I want to be with the most, or do I even want to have feelings for anyone right now? As it would seem, none of my old conflictions from the past year/semester had gone away, all but just that one particular feeling that I had finally put behind me, but that was it. It felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders, but the confusion had just only begun.....
And as a result, I took far too long to act. I guess I can't put too much blame on Teagan for setting her brothers up with them, she did what she thought was best for the people she cares about most in life, both her brothers and her non-blood related sisters. She saw the opportunity and she took it, and she was only able to take it because I let it happen. And I really should be happy because she's happy, because her brothers (two very good, very close friends of mine by the way) are happy, and most of all, because those incredibly fine young women are happy. But what about me? I must say it's been one heck of an incredibly bittersweet period of time for me lately. Everyone just seems so happy, and I'm happy that they're happy, but I'm miserable because of it, and that right there is not so happy..... I can't help but sometimes be angry at Teagan and her brothers, and even in some cases the other girls as well for it all. But that's just being overly emotional I guess. I do feel really terrible about it, and I wish things didn't have to be this way so that I couldn't feel this way, and that in turn they couldn't feel that way about me. I guess you can't really blame me for getting that way though, but the reality of it all is that it isn't any of their faults, and they don't deserve to have this anger directed towards them. If anyone deserves to have anyone's brunt of negative feelings thrown at him, it should be me. And without a doubt, if there's anyone in the world who has had by and far the most anger tossed upon them by me, it is most assuredly myself and myself alone.
Which also brings me to my next point: just how much longer is this going to keep happening to me? Why does it seem like every single time I've had reason to believe, it always ends this way? I've probably been told more than any other guy in life that "you're a really nice guy Nate, you're really great, but you're just not the right one for me" or "I really like you a lot, I just don't feel ready to get in a serious relationship with anyone right now." And the worst of that latter is that both times I've been told that, interest has been shown by those particular girls in other guys really not too much longer after them having said that. Which begs the question, am I really just that pathetic? Is every guy out there better for every girl out there than I am? What is it exactly that women just don't seem to like about me? Or am I just the most unlucky, most missfortunate guy in existence and the good lord just doesn't want me to be to be with anyone? Or better yet, why do I fail so epically at life? Why did god make me so stupid and why can't I ever do anything right? I mean you don't just meet people as marvelous as Teagan, Julie and Marie every day. I honestly don't think I ever will meet anyone quite like any of them ever again. Most certainly not anyone as perfect for me as Marie is, that's for sure. I don't know why it is, but for some reason I feel more capable, more extroverted and just all around more compatible with her than I do anyone else I've ever met. I don't think I've ever hit it off with anyone quite like I have with Marie. And I'm not entirely sure that I ever will. And if this is my best and my best apparently isn't good enough, that there's still a guy out there who's better than I am nonetheless, then really, how pathetic am I that I still epically fail nonetheless?
Of course this isn't the only issue I'm being overloaded with right now. Though quite obviously, it is the one I think about the most, that's for sure. Other issues include me taking Calc 1 from an instructor who teaches it in a way that I swear is impossible to understand I thing that's going on, not to mention he is no help at all in giving us adaquite enough assignments to actually practice the math. He has no schedule for it on the syllabus, he has no actual assigned problems, he just says "just do all the odd ones." And it's been very, very difficult for me to practice this stuff via homework as a result. And now I am failing the class pretty badly, and am not sure if I can pull at least a D- or better out of it. Which is very bad for my financial aid standing. Failing the class would be about the same for it as dropping it for a W, only it wouldn't hurt my GPA if I did the latter. And I know I have a very willing tutor to help me with this stuff (she knows who she is ;) ) as she promised earlier in the semester and I am very greatful for that. I just haven't been very willing to ask her to help me is all. Partially out of stubbornness, but also out of the fact that, to tell you the honest truth, I just kind of have this personal issue with actual friends helping me out with homework. It's nothing against anyone or anything, it's just something I kind of have a hard time feeling adaquite with it is all.
Then there's the fact that, as it would seem, Dr. Root feels like he has enough confidence in my capabilities that he thinks I can handle lead trombone in symphonic band. At first that was actually one of the things I felt like was going my way and that I was looking forward to with much anticipation. And most times, I have to say, it is kinda cool and I enjoy it quite a bit. Other times I struggle enough with it and feel burdened enough by it that I wonder why on earth he put me up here instead of Linda or Matt, who are both way better than I am anyways. That solo on Rhapsody in Blue I wish sometimes he'd just pass on to one of those two instead of make me have to deal with it. It's not a hard solo, it's just that he wants it done in a very specific way, and I'm not sure if I can do it the way he wants me to. He's even trying to get me into his office so he can work with me on it, and its not something I particularly want to deal with doing. I guess at least I don't have to run sectionals, which is a plus. But other than that, I just don't know sometimes.......
I guess in the end, all I can really do about any of this is let life run it's natural course, even if it doesn't go the way I want it to. Which is a very, incredibly hard thing to do when you're as concerned with and worried about it all as I am. Mostly just because I want nothing more than for it to turn out the way I want it too. And I honestly can't help but feel like a massive failure at life who can't do anything right if it doesn't. But in the end, it really, honestly is all you can do about it. It's not going to be very easy to do, and it will take a very, very long time. Stuff like this just doesn't go away overnight, especially those said particular feelings, whether they be of love for a certain particular incredible individual or of failure, regret, anger, and lack of appreciation for the self. But, whatever will be will be I guess.
Well I was originally going to come in back at the beginning of the semester and give my overview of how the break went and what I'm looking forward to academically, socially and personally going into the new year/semester. But those things do sort of loosely tie into this little rant of mine, so I guess in a way you could say this is pretty much it then, heh. Basically coming into this new year/semester, things were looking very, very up for me after having had fallen on some pretty dark times for a while. I had finally put a lot of my old feelings behind me that had been troubling me since back in the summer and accepted things for what they were currently, even if they weren't what I wanted. Despite that fact, I finally felt ready to move on with life and give more serious thought to exploring other possibilities with other feelings I felt like I could've possibly had.
That's where the confusion begins though. Also coming into the year/semester, one of those possibilities was to not have feelings for anyone in particular at all, as inspired to me by my good friend Bryson. It was something I was seriously considering giving a try, but the problem was going into the year/semester I still felt like there was a possibility that I could've already had some feelings for a couple of certain specific very wonderful and amazing young ladies that was now ready to come fourth since I had finally put those old feelings behind me. So the conflictions stood as thusly: which one of those magnificent young ladies do I want to be with the most, or do I even want to have feelings for anyone right now? As it would seem, none of my old conflictions from the past year/semester had gone away, all but just that one particular feeling that I had finally put behind me, but that was it. It felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders, but the confusion had just only begun.....
And as a result, I took far too long to act. I guess I can't put too much blame on Teagan for setting her brothers up with them, she did what she thought was best for the people she cares about most in life, both her brothers and her non-blood related sisters. She saw the opportunity and she took it, and she was only able to take it because I let it happen. And I really should be happy because she's happy, because her brothers (two very good, very close friends of mine by the way) are happy, and most of all, because those incredibly fine young women are happy. But what about me? I must say it's been one heck of an incredibly bittersweet period of time for me lately. Everyone just seems so happy, and I'm happy that they're happy, but I'm miserable because of it, and that right there is not so happy..... I can't help but sometimes be angry at Teagan and her brothers, and even in some cases the other girls as well for it all. But that's just being overly emotional I guess. I do feel really terrible about it, and I wish things didn't have to be this way so that I couldn't feel this way, and that in turn they couldn't feel that way about me. I guess you can't really blame me for getting that way though, but the reality of it all is that it isn't any of their faults, and they don't deserve to have this anger directed towards them. If anyone deserves to have anyone's brunt of negative feelings thrown at him, it should be me. And without a doubt, if there's anyone in the world who has had by and far the most anger tossed upon them by me, it is most assuredly myself and myself alone.
Which also brings me to my next point: just how much longer is this going to keep happening to me? Why does it seem like every single time I've had reason to believe, it always ends this way? I've probably been told more than any other guy in life that "you're a really nice guy Nate, you're really great, but you're just not the right one for me" or "I really like you a lot, I just don't feel ready to get in a serious relationship with anyone right now." And the worst of that latter is that both times I've been told that, interest has been shown by those particular girls in other guys really not too much longer after them having said that. Which begs the question, am I really just that pathetic? Is every guy out there better for every girl out there than I am? What is it exactly that women just don't seem to like about me? Or am I just the most unlucky, most missfortunate guy in existence and the good lord just doesn't want me to be to be with anyone? Or better yet, why do I fail so epically at life? Why did god make me so stupid and why can't I ever do anything right? I mean you don't just meet people as marvelous as Teagan, Julie and Marie every day. I honestly don't think I ever will meet anyone quite like any of them ever again. Most certainly not anyone as perfect for me as Marie is, that's for sure. I don't know why it is, but for some reason I feel more capable, more extroverted and just all around more compatible with her than I do anyone else I've ever met. I don't think I've ever hit it off with anyone quite like I have with Marie. And I'm not entirely sure that I ever will. And if this is my best and my best apparently isn't good enough, that there's still a guy out there who's better than I am nonetheless, then really, how pathetic am I that I still epically fail nonetheless?
Of course this isn't the only issue I'm being overloaded with right now. Though quite obviously, it is the one I think about the most, that's for sure. Other issues include me taking Calc 1 from an instructor who teaches it in a way that I swear is impossible to understand I thing that's going on, not to mention he is no help at all in giving us adaquite enough assignments to actually practice the math. He has no schedule for it on the syllabus, he has no actual assigned problems, he just says "just do all the odd ones." And it's been very, very difficult for me to practice this stuff via homework as a result. And now I am failing the class pretty badly, and am not sure if I can pull at least a D- or better out of it. Which is very bad for my financial aid standing. Failing the class would be about the same for it as dropping it for a W, only it wouldn't hurt my GPA if I did the latter. And I know I have a very willing tutor to help me with this stuff (she knows who she is ;) ) as she promised earlier in the semester and I am very greatful for that. I just haven't been very willing to ask her to help me is all. Partially out of stubbornness, but also out of the fact that, to tell you the honest truth, I just kind of have this personal issue with actual friends helping me out with homework. It's nothing against anyone or anything, it's just something I kind of have a hard time feeling adaquite with it is all.
Then there's the fact that, as it would seem, Dr. Root feels like he has enough confidence in my capabilities that he thinks I can handle lead trombone in symphonic band. At first that was actually one of the things I felt like was going my way and that I was looking forward to with much anticipation. And most times, I have to say, it is kinda cool and I enjoy it quite a bit. Other times I struggle enough with it and feel burdened enough by it that I wonder why on earth he put me up here instead of Linda or Matt, who are both way better than I am anyways. That solo on Rhapsody in Blue I wish sometimes he'd just pass on to one of those two instead of make me have to deal with it. It's not a hard solo, it's just that he wants it done in a very specific way, and I'm not sure if I can do it the way he wants me to. He's even trying to get me into his office so he can work with me on it, and its not something I particularly want to deal with doing. I guess at least I don't have to run sectionals, which is a plus. But other than that, I just don't know sometimes.......
I guess in the end, all I can really do about any of this is let life run it's natural course, even if it doesn't go the way I want it to. Which is a very, incredibly hard thing to do when you're as concerned with and worried about it all as I am. Mostly just because I want nothing more than for it to turn out the way I want it too. And I honestly can't help but feel like a massive failure at life who can't do anything right if it doesn't. But in the end, it really, honestly is all you can do about it. It's not going to be very easy to do, and it will take a very, very long time. Stuff like this just doesn't go away overnight, especially those said particular feelings, whether they be of love for a certain particular incredible individual or of failure, regret, anger, and lack of appreciation for the self. But, whatever will be will be I guess.
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